Where am I, Cathy?

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1. A precise location Attorney to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.” Attorney: “And where is milepost 499?” Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.”...
2. The local courtroom was packed as testimony began The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been […]...
3. Larry’s barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called Larry’s barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company… Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one […]...
4. Ask your question One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. “Will you state your name?” asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her […]...
5. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know […]...
6. Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, “Wow, unbelievable!” Which woke Ed. “What’s going on?” said Ed. “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my […]...
7. Being Cited for a DUI Susan: Hey, Jack, you’re an Attorney. Do you know anything about DUIs? Jack: Sure, I’ve Handled a few DUI Cases. Susan: I was just wondering about the Penalties for a DUI. Jack: Well, if it’s a First offense, you’ll be Fined and may be placed on Probation. You’ll need to attend DUI school, and your […]...
8. A farmer walked into an attorney office A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, […]...
9. Перевод слова witness Witness – свидетель, очевидец Перевод слова To call as witness – вызывать в качестве свидетеля witness custody – взятие под стражу свидетеля to impeach a witness – оспаривать свидетельское показание The defense called only one Witness. Защита вызвала только одного свидетеля. Who Witnessed his signing the documents? Кто видел, как он подписывал эти документы? My […]...
10. John receives a phone call John receives a phone call. “Hello,” he answers. The voice on the ot other end says, “This is Susan. We met a party about 3 months ago.” John: “Hmm… Susan? about 3 months ago?” Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got […]...
11. Перевод слова upset Upset – расстройство, огорчение; выводить из равновесия, опрокидывать Перевод слова Mental upset – психическое расстройство to upset a boat – опрокинуть лодку a bit of an upset with his father – небольшая размолвка с отцом to upset everything in the house – перевернуть все в доме He was Upset but never let it show. Он […]...
12. Poetic justice A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a park. The witness: They were fucking your honor The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way: The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear Until tiny sounds came to my ear There was this […]...
13. Значение идиомы shoot questions at [shoot questions at] {v. phr.} To interrogate rapidly andvigorously. The attorney for the prosecution shot one questionafter another at the nervous witness....
14. Перевод слова attorney Attorney – поверенный, адвокат Перевод слова Attorney general – главный прокурор штата by attorney – по доверенности to obtain an attorney – получить адвоката You may need to retain an Attorney. Вам, возможно, потребуется нанять адвоката. Their brother was articled to an Attorney. Их брат стажировался у адвоката. I can give you the address of […]...
15. A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace […]...
16. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
17. Planning a Wedding Seamus: What’s that? Cathy: It’s a planning book for our Wedding. Seamus: We aren’t getting married for a year and a half. Cathy: I know, but there are so many things to plan. We have to book the Hall far in advance, you know, and once we Set the date, we have to send out […]...
18. Значение идиомы morning after [morning after] {n.}, {slang} The effects of drinking liquor orstaying up late as felt the next morning; a hangover. One of thetroubles of drinking too much liquor is the morning after. Mr. Smith woke up with a big headache and knew it was the morning after....
19. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
20. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From […]...
21. Being under oath “You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness....
22. A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?” The coroner says, “No.” The attorney then asks, “Did you listen for a heart beat?” “No.” “So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure […]...
23. Перевод слова husband Husband – муж Перевод слова Ex-husband, former husband – бывший муж henpecked husband – подкаблучник to leave one’s husband – оставить мужа My Husband doesn’t cook Мой муж не готовит. She lied to her Husband. Она солгала мужу. She cheats on her Husband. Она изменяет своему мужу....
24. A woman comes home A woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. “That’s terrible!!!” said her husband, “What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.” “Well,” she said, “First, I want to […]...
25. A wise choice The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: “At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?” Farmer: “That’s right.” Attorney: “Well, then, how is it […]...
26. A tough case was being argued in court A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. “The judge’ll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We’re dead!” “I don’t think so,” his attorney told him. “I sent it in […]...
27. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
28. What dreams mean After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said. That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find […]...
29. Значение идиомы on one’s chest [on one’s chest] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Hidden in your thoughts orfeelings and bothering you; making you feel worried or upset; that issomething you want to talk to someone about. Jane looks unhappybecause she has the quarrel with Susan on her chest. “Well, Dave,”said the coach, “You look sad – what’s on your chest?” Compare: ONONE’S […]...
30. A fellow in a bar notices a woman A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. “No thank you,” she said politely.” “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.” “That […]...
31. Значение идиомы be up to no good [be up to no good] {v. phr.}, {informal} To be plotting and conniving to commit some illegal act or crime. “Let’s hurry!” Susan said to her husband. “It’s dark here and those hoodlums obviously are up to no good.”...
32. A new statue for the bedroom A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to.” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.” “What’s […]...
33. Getting Childcare My friend Susan is an engineer and she’s also a Single mom. She has been working some Odd hours lately and was having a Tough time finding Childcare for her 4-year-old daughter and her 8-year-old son. Her daughter, Kimberly, is enrolled in a Preschool and Susan is able To drop her off On her way […]...
34. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
35. There was an old married couple that had happily There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she […]...
36. A Potluck Mike: Thanks a lot for agreeing to help me plan the Block party. Susan: Oh, I’m happy to help. I’m surprised you didn’t ask Bree. She’s so good at planning parties. Mike: I thought about it, but I was afraid she would turn it into a Cocktail party or something. Susan: Yeah, I see what […]...
37. Silent treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and […]...
38. Saving the situation After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
39. Amusing Jokes about the Irish Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a […]...
40. Значение идиомы see things [see things] {v. phr.}, {informal} To imagine sights which are notreal; think you see what is not there. I had not seen him fortwenty years and when we met on the street I thought I was seeingthings. She woke her husband to tell him she had seen a face atthe window, but he told her […]...