Playtonic relationship

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1. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
2. Seventy year old George went for his annual physicalSeventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, «George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?» George replied, «God and me are tight. We ... Читать далее...
3. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова neighbourNeighbour — сосед Перевод слова Chatty neighbour — разговорчивый сосед to communicate with one’s neighbour — общаться с соседом good-neighbour policy — политика добрососедства England’s nearest Neighbour is France Франция — ближайший сосед Англии She was carrying on with a Neighbour. Она флиртовала с соседом. One of the Neighbors complained about the noise from the ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы platonic love[platonic love] {n. phr.} Great affection toward another personwithout sex. They are platonic lovers; they do everything togetherexcept make love....
6. The dog and the butcherA dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, «Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова seventeenSeventeen — семнадцать Перевод слова Seventeen houses — семнадцать домов there are seventeen of them — их семнадцать the seventeen-eighties — период с 1780 по 1789 гг. Seventeen couples participated in the survey. Семнадцать пар приняли участие в опросе. He’s only Seventeen, but he has enormous self-confidence. Ему только семнадцать лет, и такое самомнение! I’m ... Читать далее...
8. Better relationshipA man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. «Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.» «What’s the problem?» the docotor inquired. «Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.» ... Читать далее...
9. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the PopeThere was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, ... Читать далее...
10. A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th childA woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. «Congratulations,» said the nurse, «but don’t you think this is enough?» The woman replied, «Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year.»...
11. Ending a Business RelationshipJerry: Who’s going To break the news to Tech Experts? Camila: You mean about Pulling the plug on using their services? Jerry: Yeah, the Contract we signed with them last year is almost up, and as we decided last month, we’ll be going with another company. Camila: I think we should Hold off on telling ... Читать далее...
12. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
13. A woman comes homeA woman comes home from the doctor and tells her husband the bad news that she has only 18 hours to live. «That’s terrible!!!» said her husband, «What would you like to do during your last hours? I’ll try to make it as memorable as possible for you.» «Well,» she said, «First, I want to ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова friendshipFriendship — дружба, дружелюбие Перевод слова Ties of the closest friendship — узы теснейшей дружбы there is a great friendship between them — они очень дружны to show friendship — проявлять дружелюбие Their Friendship ripened into love. Их дружба переросла в любовь. Theirs is only a shallow Friendship. У них некрепкая дружба. He puts a ... Читать далее...
15. The talking dogA man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. «This is a talking dog,» he said. «And you can have him for five dollars.» The neighbour said, «Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.» Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. «Please ... Читать далее...
16. Card gamesA cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, «Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about ... Читать далее...
17. Strange people are hereThere was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова apartmentApartment — квартира, апартаменты, жилище Перевод слова Dusky apartment — плохо освещенная комната next-door apartment — соседняя квартира private apartment — частная квартира They busted the Apartment. Они совершили налет на квартиру. Our Apartment is below theirs. Наша квартира находится ниже их. She lives in a small Apartment. Она живет в маленькой квартирке....
19. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
20. One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit hornyOne night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great shape and they went to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech impediment, but this didn’t affect ... Читать далее...
21. Back in the turn of the century in a mining townBack in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to ... Читать далее...
22. The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morningThe Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant. «Anything interesting happen over-night», asked the mortitian. «Yes», replied the assistant, «The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course» «What was the cause of death», enquired the mortition. «I’m not sure»,replied the assistant. «But she’s got ... Читать далее...
23. After spending a night at a hotel with a prostituteAfter spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table. «Thanks,» she said. «But I only charge $20.» «Twenty bucks for the entire night?» the amazed MP replied. «You can’t make a living on that.» «Oh, don’t worry,» the whore ... Читать далее...
24. German Shepard on Golf CourseA golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
26. A tall woman met a midget at a partyA tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. «I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,» said the woman, «especially with the size ... Читать далее...
27. Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationshipProsecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? … Ain’t nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I’ve ever had....
28. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
29. Course of actionOne Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. «Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,» Gloria said to her friend at work. «That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?» «Oh, my God!» her friend exclaimed. «He’ll wine you, ... Читать далее...
30. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity wardMister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, «What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?» «Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.» «Well, how bad is it? Can I see?» «Follow me, sir.» They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in ... Читать далее...
31. Getting Rid of Bugs and RodentsApartment Manager: This is the one-bedroom apartment we have for rent. Let me show you around. Sherin: Wait! Did you see that? It looked like a Mouse or a Rat. Apartment Manager: There aren’t any Rodents or any other Vermin in this Apartment complex. I make sure of that. Sherin: Are you sure? Apartment Manager: ... Читать далее...
32. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
33. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a barA man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. «Would you ... Читать далее...
34. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...
35. Happens all the timeA guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she’d like ... Читать далее...
36. Three Irish women were discussing their respective matesCould this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. «I call my man ‘Eight,’ » said the first woman, «Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.» The second woman said in response, «I call my ... Читать далее...
37. Married life is very frustratingMarried life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen....
38. A new statue for the bedroomA woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. «Hurry!» she said, «Stand in the corner.» She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. «Don’t move until I tell you to.» she whispered. «Just pretend you’re a statue.» «What’s ... Читать далее...
39. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
40. An old man and an old woman were sittingAn old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,»You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.» The woman said, «Why don’t we try that again?» So they stripped and sat down at the table again. ... Читать далее...