Married life is very frustrating

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1. Marriage quotes 02Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage ... Читать далее...
2. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова marriedMarried — женатый, брачный Перевод слова Married man — женатый человек married name — фамилия по мужу married couple — супружеская пара So, how do you like Married life? Так, как тебе супружеская жизнь? She Married an Evans. Она вышла замуж за одного из Эвансов. I was Married to my job. Я был женат на ... Читать далее...
4. An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoonAn old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don’t have cute tits....
5. A young married womanA young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, «Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?» She thought about it a minute then said, «Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.»...
6. Marriage quotes 09Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out. Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Marriage ... Читать далее...
7. Marriage quotes 03There was a man who said, «I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!» Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a ... Читать далее...
8. Marriage quotes 01Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence — a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s ... Читать далее...
9. A 70-year-old man has never been marriedA 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, «So, tell me, how was it?» «Oh, it was beautiful,» says the man. «The ... Читать далее...
10. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
11. A Mid-life CrisisBella: I think my husband is going through a Mid-life crisis. Russell: What makes you think that? Bella: He just Traded in his car for a very expensive Sports car, and he’s filling the house with Gym equipment. Russell: Uh oh, that’s a bad Sign. Do you know what may have Triggered this? Bella: I’m ... Читать далее...
12. A couple married forty years were revisiting theA couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, «Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.» The guy stopped the car. His ... Читать далее...
13. Two men are discussing the age old questionTwo men are discussing the age old question: who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman? A woman walks by and listens in for awhile and then interrupts: «Listen you guys. You know when your ear itches and you put in your little finger and wiggle it around for awhile? Afterward, which feels better, ... Читать далее...
14. A young couple gets married, and the groomA young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts ... Читать далее...
15. Conversation over dinnerConversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not — don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) ... Читать далее...
16. Short gender jokesA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more ... Читать далее...
17. Life is cruelWhat women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful ... Читать далее...
18. Karam Chand, 110, believed to be longest-married diesThe couple were married in 1925 and they have eight children and 27 grandchildren. A man who was one half of what is believed to be the longest-married couple in the UK has died aged 110. Karam Chand, of Bradford, died on Friday after 90 years of marriage to his wife Kartari. The pair, who ... Читать далее...
19. Now he’s in troubleA police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, «what’s the problem officer?» To which the policeman responded, «I stopped you for running that red light behind you.» Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and ... Читать далее...
20. Dear Darling Son and That Person You MarriedDear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I ... Читать далее...
21. Having Doubts About Getting MarriedCharlotte: What are you doing in here? The entire Wedding party is looking for you. Chris: Yeah, I know. Charlotte: Well, what’s the matter? You’re not getting Cold feet, are you? Chris: That’s just it. I’m really having Doubts about getting married. What am I doing here? I think I’m about to make the biggest ... Читать далее...
22. The Seven-year ItchSunny: Did you hear the news? Nancy and Brian are Splitting up. Igor: How long have they been married? Sunny: Eight years. I’m sure it was the Seven-year itch. I bet Brian was Unfaithful to Nancy. Igor: How do you know? Maybe it was Nancy who had a Wandering eye. Sunny: Maybe, but It’s a ... Читать далее...
23. Get marriedJohnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don’t ... Читать далее...
24. Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-oldJake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night. Jake says, «Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted ... Читать далее...
25. There was an old married couple that had happilyThere was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы facts of life[facts of life] {n. phr.} 1. The truth which we should know aboutsex, marriage, and births. His father told him the facts of lifewhen he was old enough. 2. The truths one learns about people andtheir good and bad habits of life, work or play. As a cub reporterhe would learn the facts of life ... Читать далее...
27. My position about weddingSo, speaking about weddings, I would like to mention first that I don’t understand people, who are getting married at the age of 17-20, it’s hideous. Cause they don’t realize that they’ll break their lives by divesting themselves of the greatest years. Cause at that age they all are still children and children can only ... Читать далее...
28. Crying about lifeOld Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. «Well,» says the old fellow, «I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then ... Читать далее...
29. Let him digAn old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. «When I die I will dig my way up and out ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы life[life] See: BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, BIG AS LIFE, CAT HAS NINELIVES, CHARMED LIFE, COME ALIVE OT COME TO LIFE, FACTS OF LIFE, FORDEAR LIFE, FOR THE LIFE OF ONE, LEAD A DOG’S LIFE, NIGHT LIFE, NOT ONYOUR LIFE OR ONE’S LIFE, TAKE ONE’S LIFE IN ONE’S HANDS, TIME OF ONE’SLIFE, YOU BET or YOU ... Читать далее...
31. Marriage quotes 13The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are ... Читать далее...
32. An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. «Oh honey», said the young nymph, «Does that mean we’re going to do it three times?» «No», said the old man, «It means you can take your pick.»...
33. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding nightThis redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, «Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!» …So he got his bowling bowl ... Читать далее...
34. The newly married man came home from workThe newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee. «Guess what I got planned for dinner?» she asked seductively. «And don’t you dare tell me you had it for lunch today.»...
35. Marriage AnonymousWith the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called «Marriage Anonymous.» Whenever a guy feels like getting married, they send over a woman with crulers in her hair, cream on her face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag him out of it....
36. This one New Yorker married himself a southern galThis one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, «Oh yuck!!» she proclaimed as she ponted ... Читать далее...
37. Getting a Marriage LicenseYves: Help me fill out this Application for our Marriage license. Vanessa: Can’t you do it? I’m really busy with work right now. Do as much as you can and just ask me if you don’t know something. Yves: Okay, I’ll try, but I’m reading through the requirements, and it’s a good idea for both ... Читать далее...
38. A couple gets married, and thirty years later they’reA couple gets married, and thirty years later they’re in the same hotel, in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, «What’s the matter?» He says, «Thirty years ago I couldn’t wait to eat it. Now it ... Читать далее...
39. Music in Our LifeТопик Музыка в нашей жизни рассказывает о том, как важна музыка. Музыка сопровождает нас с детства, и она повсюду: дома, в концертном зале, в парке, у моря, в лесу и даже на улице. Это искусство, которое отражает жизнь, ведь музыка отражает эмоции людей. Мы все имеем разное отношение к музыке: одни сочиняют музыку, другие ее ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы speak for[speak for] {v.} 1. To speak in favor of or in support of. Atthe meeting John spoke for the change in the rules. The othergirls made jokes about Jane, but Mary spoke for her. 2. To make arequest for; to ask for. The teacher was giving away some books. Fred and Charlie spoke for the ... Читать далее...