On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob

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1. The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with […]...
2. Finding the Right Wine Antonio: Why are we stopping here? Melanie: We can’t go to the dinner party Empty-handed. We need to bring a bottle of Wine. Antonio: I don’t know anything about wines. You’ll need to pick a bottle. Melanie: I don’t know much about wines, either. I just know we need a good Table wine. Do you […]...
3. Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However, one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad already seen him. “Billy,” said his dad, “doing that will make […]...
4. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also […]...
5. Перевод слова occasion Occasion – случай, возможность, повод Перевод слова To profit by the occasion – воспользоваться случаем equal to the occasion – подходящий случаю festal occasion – радостное событие It was needed only on special Occasions. Это было необходимо только в особых случаях. I had no Occasion to speak with them. У меня не было возможности поговорить […]...
6. Значение идиомы on occasion [on occasion] {adv. phr.} Sometimes; occasionally. We go to NewYork on occasion. On occasion we feel like celebrating and have aparty. Compare: ONCE IN A WHILE, FROM TIME TO TIME....
7. Перевод слова bottle Bottle – бутылка Перевод слова To drink a whole bottle – выпить целую бутылку to bottle a beverage – разливать напиток по бутылкам to fill a bottle – наполнить бутылку Has the baby finished her Bottle yet? Малыш уже выпил свою бутылочку? Between us, we drank three Bottles of wine. Между нами, мы выпили три […]...
8. For their 25th wedding anniversary For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, “This was the most wonderful gift I could have […]...
9. Значение идиомы equal to the occasion [equal to the occasion] {adj. phr.} Capable of handling thesituation. Although he had never before assisted in childbirth, thetaxi driver proved equal to the occasion and helped deliver the babyin his cab....
10. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.” So he went home feeling […]...
11. Перевод идиомы rise to the occasion, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: rise to the occasion Перевод: быть на высоте положения Пример: Our teacher rose to the occasion and was able to give a very good speech at the banquet. Наш учитель был на высоте положения и смог дать сказать хорошую речь на банкете....
12. Billy Ray and Billie Bob are driving home from a party Billy Ray and Billie Bob are driving home from a party. BR runs a red light. BB says, “Hey! What the fuck are you doing! That light was red!” BR replies, “Don’t worry, my brother does it all the time, it’s OK.” Then he does it again. BB: ” Damn it, you done it again!” […]...
13. Repetitiveness After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride […]...
14. Перевод слова empty Empty – пустой, опорожнять Перевод слова Empty boast – пустое хвастовство to empty a bottle – опустошить бутылку empty hotels – свободные отели The streets were Empty. Улицы были пусты. The treasury is almost Empty. Казна почти пуста. I found myself Empty. Я обнаружил, что голоден. Примеры из жизни В настольных операционных системах существует понятие […]...
15. Working Late at the Office I was so glad it was Friday afternoon. I’ve been thinking-TGIF-all day. I was On my way out of the office when I saw Nick sitting at his desk. Even though the office was nearly empty, he didn’t look like he was ready to leave. In fact, he looked like he was still Swamped with […]...
16. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
17. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
18. AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS: – Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift. – Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom. – When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is. – Kissing the bride for more than […]...
19. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
20. Wedding preparation guidelines Announcement: It is the responsibility of the bride’s family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); […]...
21. A Lutheran minister is driving down A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water.” The […]...
22. Homework One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, “We’re learning about sexual education.” She smiled, and said, “At least he’s learning something usefull.” Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy’s mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. […]...
23. Going to a Wedding I got an Invitation in the mail last month that really surprised me. My friend Ulrich was getting married! We went to college together and he always said that he’d never get married. I guess he found his Dream girl in the end. The Church wedding was going to be at 3 p. m. and […]...
24. Planning a Business Luncheon One of my co-workers, Betty, was Retiring this month after working for the company 23 years. I was put In charge of planning a retirement lunch In her honor at a restaurant nearby. The company was Picking up the tab and it was Up to me to set a day and time. After asking the […]...
25. Stupid people fearing WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind […]...
26. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
27. A staged wedding to bust dealers As supposedly reported on CNN: Undercover police, staging the wedding of “a drug kingpin’s daughter”, let it be known on the street that dealers were “invited” (i. e. Expected to attend). The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was “S. […]...
28. Перевод слова waste Waste – отходы, потери; растрачивать, упускать Перевод слова Waste of time – напрасная трата времени waste of fuel – перерасход топлива toxic waste dump – свалка токсичных отходов to waste words – говорить на ветер He was not going to Waste time. Он не собирался терять время даром. I decided not to Waste money on […]...
29. Значение идиомы at present [at present] {adv. phr.} At this time; now. It took a long time to get started, but at present the road is half finished. At present the house is empty, but next week a family will move in....
30. Свадьба/ Wedding На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Wedding Свадьба Wedding is a very important and special occasion. It’s a day when two people in love get married. Different countries follow different traditions during the wedding. For example, in our country couples go to a local registry office and then to church. After that, they organize […]...
31. Having a Picnic Bill: Surprise! I brought you here to this beautiful spot for a romantic Picnic. I have a very special question to ask you. Madison: Oh, that’s so sweet. Did you remember to bring a Picnic blanket? Bill: I did. I have everything we’ll need in this Picnic basket. Madison: Don’t put it down there. There […]...
32. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Свадьба (The Wedding)” По-английски Перевод на русский Sarah: Hi, Jenkins. How are you? Сара: Привет, Дженкинс. Как дела? Jenkins: Hi, Sarah. I’m fine, thank you. Why weren’t you present atLiza’s wedding? Дженкинс: Привет, Сара. У меня все хорошо, спасибо. Отчего ты не присутствовала на свадьбе Лизы? Sarah: Well, I was invited to my cousin’s birthday that day and […]...
33. Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her […]...
34. Перевод слова half Half – половина, частичный Перевод слова A half knowledge of the subject – недостаточное знание предмета half light – неполный свет half the profits – половина прибылей half empty – наполовину пустой It’s Half past one. Сейчас половина второго. What is Half of six? Сколько будет, если шесть разделить пополам? Two Halves make a whole. […]...
35. Catch a drunk driver Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!” “Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel […]...
36. What causes people to have arthritis A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the […]...
37. What causes arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled […]...
38. A fair price A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?” […]...
39. Getting in an accident A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a […]...
40. Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary 10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking. 9. Today is our what? 8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together? 7. I thought we only celebrated important events? 6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband. 5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I […]...