On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was

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1. The Pope was working on a crossword puzzleThe Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, «What’s a four letter word, ending in U — N — T that means ‘woman’?» The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. ... Читать далее...
2. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides toOne balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, «Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!» The kid ... Читать далее...
3. Pope DiesPope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon ... Читать далее...
4. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accidentA lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. «Now, ... Читать далее...
5. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the PopeThere was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, ... Читать далее...
6. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to townWhen this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when ... Читать далее...
7. Пословица / поговорка Rome wasn’t built in a day / Rome was not built in a day — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: Rome wasn’t built in a day / Rome was not built in a day Перевод: Рим строился не один день Эквивалент в русском языке: не сразу Москва строилась Пример: Rome was not built in a day and the government officials realized that it was going to take many years to rebuild the ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова airplaneAirplane — самолет, аэроплан Перевод слова Airplane ambulance — санитарный самолет airplane luggage — чемоданы, сумки для авиапутешествий airplane is airborne — самолет находится в воздухе The Airplane landed to refuel. Самолет приземлился для дозаправки. An Airplane droned overhead. Самолет гудел над головой. Происхождение слова airplane Образовано от двух слов:...
9. The Pope vs. the QueenThe Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, «I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my ... Читать далее...
10. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
11. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
12. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golfOne Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do ... Читать далее...
13. The seven dwarves were in RomeThe three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. «Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?» «Sorry», she replies, «but there are no dwarf nuns here». «Well, are there any in the city?». «No, there are no dwarf nuns». ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы all roads lead to Rome[all roads lead to Rome] {literary} The same end or goal may be reached by many different ways. — A proverb. «I don’t care how you get the answer,» said the teacher, «All roads lead to Rome.»...
15. Значение идиомы Rome wasn’t built in a day[Rome wasn’t built in a day] Great things are not accomplishedovernight; great deeds take a long time. — A proverb. A takes along time to write a successful novel, but don’t worry; Rome wasn’tbuilt in a day, as the saying goes....
16. Перевод слова puzzlePuzzle — головоломка; озадачивать, приводить в замешательство Перевод слова Cross-word puzzle — кроссворд pictorial puzzle — ребус; загадочная картинка puzzled look — озадаченный взгляд He was Puzzled how to act. Он не знал, как поступить. This question Puzzles me. Этот вопрос ставит меня в тупик. I still can’t Puzzle out what he meant. До сих ... Читать далее...
17. Пословица / поговорка all roads lead to Rome — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: all roads lead to Rome Перевод: все дороги ведут в Рим Пример: All roads lead to Rome and the two groups used two different methods to finish the project. Все дороги ведут в Рим, и эти две группы использовали разные методы для завершения своих проектов....
18. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a trainA Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, «So how high can you advance in your organization?» The Priest says «If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.» «Well, could you get any higher than that?» asks the Rabbi. «I suppose that ... Читать далее...
19. Haircut before a tripA man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, «Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?» «We’re taking TWA,» was the reply. ... Читать далее...
20. Пословица / поговорка when in Rome do as the Romans do — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: when in Rome do as the Romans do Перевод: в чужой монастырь со своим уставом не ходят Эквивалент в русском языке: с волками жить — по-волчьи выть Пример: The diplomat believed that when in Rome do as the Romans do and he made an effort to learn the language and the customs ... Читать далее...
21. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flyingA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: «Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that ... Читать далее...
22. There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplaneThere was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess collecting tickets. When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The stewardess said, «I’m sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова endingEnding — завершение, окончание Перевод слова Surprise ending — неожиданный конец grammatical ending — грамматическое окончание never-ending quarrel — бесконечные раздоры The story has a happy Ending. У этой истории счастливый конец. The Ending was pretty obvious. Конец был абсолютно банальным. The film has a very inconclusive Ending. У фильма очень неубедительный финал....
24. George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminalGeorge W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked, «Aren’t you Moses?» But the man wouldn’t listen to him and continued walking. ... Читать далее...
25. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heardHoly hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, «how far are you willing to go for a joke?» Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of ... Читать далее...
26. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over AfricaThere was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a ... Читать далее...
27. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their busTwo old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, «You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said «I know! I ... Читать далее...
28. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Покупка билетов на самолет» (Byuing Airplane Tickets)— Good afternoon. What can I do for you? — Hi. I would like to buy airplane tickets for me and my wife for the 7th of April. — OK. And what is your destination? — We are going to Rome, Italy. It will be our honeymoon trip. — Oh, my congratulations! By the way ... Читать далее...
29. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
30. A wish for ChristmasIt is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and ... Читать далее...
31. Women seeking men«WOMEN SEEKING MEN» Classifieds 40-ish means: 48 Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate means: Possessive Artist means: Unreliable Average looking means: You figure this one out Beautiful means: Pathological liar Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile means: ... Читать далее...
32. Some people are sitting in a barSome people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, «My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.» Another guy says, «What’s that?» The first guy says, «That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.» Another one says, «My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, «What’s that?» ... Читать далее...
33. A theological debateSeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the ... Читать далее...
34. Types of Story EndingsHamid: I just finished a really good book. I thought the characters were Headed toward a Tragic ending, but there was a Twist near the end, and everything turned out well. It was so Satisfying! Rachel: It sounds Sappy to me. Hamid: It wasn’t sappy at all. It was just a happy ending. I know ... Читать далее...
35. Jokes about St. Patrick’s DayTwo Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy «Jez, that look like Sean» to which Paddy replied «No Sean was taller than that» It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride ... Читать далее...
36. Religious battle golfThe Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. «Your holiness,» said one of the Cardinals, «Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.» The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held ... Читать далее...
37. On preparing to return home from an out of town tripOn preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About ... Читать далее...
38. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
39. Fucking onion— boy, I need some onion — sorry, mam, we don’t have onion at the moment — I don’t care, I need some onion — but mam, we don’t have onion in the market right now — you don’t understand me, I need some onion — well, mam, lets check your english. How many letters ... Читать далее...
40. Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the BagBuckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked in, and said, «good morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I’m going to give you a word and I want you to put it in a sentence for me.» She said «Spanky ... Читать далее...