Jokes about St. Patrick’s Day

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1. Humor about St. Patrick’s Day Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” Paddy replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
2. An ancient Irishman Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, “it’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.” “That’s nothing”, says […]...
3. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2 McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […]...
4. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
5. Irish marriage jokes Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, “If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.” This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said […]...
6. Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. “Jazus Mick…Well have to turn […]...
7. A strange jigsaw puzzle Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy. “Paddy,” says Murphy, “I’ve got a problem.” “What’s the matter?” replies Paddy “Oi’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.” “What’s the picture of?” asks Paddy “It’s of a big cockerel,” Murphy replies. Paddy says, “Alroight, […]...
8. Getting an Unexpected Marriage Proposal Sean: By now, I think you know how I feel about you. I’m Madly in love with you and I believe In my heart of hearts that you’re my Soul mate. Ayako: That’s really Sweet of you to say. Sean: And because I feel the way I do, I would like to ask you a […]...
9. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory […]...
10. More neighborhood jokes They had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they […]...
11. The local priest came across Paddy who had The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. “Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.” “Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”...
12. Negotiating With a Street Vendor Sean: Just look at the quality of that. You won’t find a finer one anywhere. Patrice: It’s nice, but it’s more than I want To spend. Sean: Okay, just for you, I’ll Knock off 10%. What do you say? Patrice: I think it’s still too Pricey. I think I’ll Pass. Sean: Wait! Don’t be so […]...
13. Negotiating With a Street Vendor Sean: Just look at the quality of that. You won’t find a finer one anywhere. Patrice: It’s nice, but it’s more than I want To spend. Sean: Okay, just for you, I’ll Knock off 10%. What do you say? Patrice: I think it’s still too Pricey. I think I’ll Pass. Sean: Wait! Don’t be so […]...
14. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands […]...
15. Jokes about the Stupid Irish A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will you?”. The man says “Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and […]...
16. Irishman declares war Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello”. The voice at the end of the phone says “Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.” SH smiles to himself, “Come on Paddy”, he says, […]...
17. Trapped within a bog Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by. “Help!” Paddy shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’!” Don’t worry,” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.” Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled […]...
18. Значение идиомы turn one’s head [turn one’s head] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make you lose your goodjudgment. The first pretty girl he saw turned his head. Winningthe class election turned his head....
19. Planning a Wedding Seamus: What’s that? Cathy: It’s a planning book for our Wedding. Seamus: We aren’t getting married for a year and a half. Cathy: I know, but there are so many things to plan. We have to book the Hall far in advance, you know, and once we Set the date, we have to send out […]...
20. Значение идиомы head-on [head-on] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. With the head or front pointingat; with the front facing; front end to front end. Our car skiddedinto a head-on crash with the truck. In the fog the boat ranhead-on into a log. There is a head-on view of the parade from ourhouse. Compare: FACE-TO-FACE. Contrast: REAR-END. 2. In […]...
21. Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia. His mate asked him what it was like. “Australia’s a great place!” Paddy replied. “First they take you home and fill you so full of piss you can’t stand up. Then, to top it off, they let you fuck their women whenever you […]...
22. Jokes about Dumb Irishmen The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. […]...
23. Atlanta Jokes Some quick thoughts… 1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of Downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. 2. All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree…” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House…” 3. Peachtree Street […]...
24. New York Jokes New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
25. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
26. Перевод слова jacket Jacket – куртка, жакет, пиджак Перевод слова Bulletproof jacket – бронежилет cork jacket – пробковый спасательный жилет denim jacket – джинсовая куртка I’ve lost my Jacket somewhere. Я куда-то задевал куртку. This is my Jacket and that’s yours. Это моя куртка, а та твоя. The Jacket was of very poor quality. Куртка была очень плохого […]...
27. Georgia Jokes Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia […]...
28. Paddy was picked up on a rape charge Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed “That’s her! That’s her! I’d recognize her anywhere!”...
29. Reading Contracts Carefully Barbara: Just Sign on the dotted line and be done with it. Sean: Didn’t your parents ever teach you to read every document carefully before you sign it? Barbara: Not when the Contract is Boilerplate. All of the Terms are standard. Sean: No, they’re not. Did you notice in the Fine print that if the […]...
30. Значение идиомы turn in [turn in] {v.} 1. or [hand in] To give to someone; deliver tosomeone. I want you to turn in a good history paper. When thefootball season was over, we turned in our uniforms. 2. To inform on;report. She turned them in to the police for breaking the streetlight. 3. To give in return for something. […]...
31. Clean Jokes about Ireland An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you be […]...
32. Значение идиомы head [head] See: ACID HEAD, BEAT INTO ONE’S HEAD, BEAT ONE’S HEADAGAINST A WALL, BIG HEAD, COUNT HEADS, EYES IN THE BACK OF ONE’S HEAD, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET THROUGH ONE’S HEAD, GOOD HEAD ON ONE’SSHOULDERS, GO TO ONE’S HEAD, HANG ONE’S HEAD, HAVE ONE’S HEAD IN THESAND, HAVE ROCKS IN ONE’S HEAD, HEAP COALS […]...
33. Virginia Jokes Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Virginia: Please don’t confuse us […]...
34. Значение идиомы ground [ground] See: BREAK GROUND, COMMON GROUND, COVER GROUND or COVERTHE GROUND, CUT THE GROUND FROM UNDER, EAR TO THE GROUND, FEET ON THEGROUND, GAIN GROUND, GET OFF THE GROUND, GIVE GROUND, HAPPY HUNTINGGROUND, HOLD ONE’S GROUND, LOSE GROUND, MIDDLE GROUND, RUN INTO THEGROUND, STAMPING GROUND, STAND ONE’S GROUND, FROM THE GROUND UP....
35. Значение идиомы head off [head off] {v.} 1. To get in front of and stop, turn back, or turnaside. The sheriff said to head the cattle thieves off at thepass. 2. To block; stop; prevent. He will get into trouble ifsomeone doesn’t head him off....
36. Перевод слова bike Bike – велосипед Перевод слова Stationary bike – велотренажер mountain bike – горный велосипед bike hire – прокат велосипедов Cool Bike! Классный велосипед! I came on my Bike. Я приехал на велосипеде. I used to Bike to work. Я ездил на работу на велосипеде. Интересные факты Несмотря на то, что мотоцикл или мопед переводится на […]...
37. Значение идиомы turn over [turn over] {v.} 1. To roll, tip, or turn from one side to theother; overturn; upset. He’s going to turn over the page. Thebike hit a rock and turned over. 2, To think about carefully; toconsider. He turned the problem over in his mind for three daysbefore he did anything about it. 3. To give […]...
38. Mixed football jokes A burglary was recently committed at West Ham’s ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet. The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to […]...
39. Значение идиомы turn down [turn down] {v.} 1. To reduce the loudness, brightness, or forceof. The theater lights were turned down. Turn down that radio, will you? The hose was throwing too much water so I turned downthe water a little bit. 2. To refuse to accept; reject. Hisrequest for a raise was turned down. If she offers to […]...
40. Значение идиомы turn out [turn out] {v.} 1. To make leave or go away. His father turnedhim out of the house. If you don’t behave, you will be turnedout. Compare: THROW OUT. 2. To turn inside out; empty. He turnedout his pockets looking for the money. Robbers turned out all thedrawers in the house in a search for jewels. […]...