Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2

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1. Short Irish Jokes Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow […]...
2. Значение идиомы spitting image [spitting image] {n.} or [spit and image] {informal} An exactlikeness; a duplicate. John is the spitting image of hisgrandfather. That vase is the spitting image of one I wanted tobuy in Boston. Compare: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON....
3. Irish math There’s these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what’s the matter. 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that’s easy, it’s 147. 1st Irishman: No no no, that […]...
4. Clean Jokes about Ireland An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you be […]...
5. Jokes about the Fighting Irish Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. “Did you see the paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I died!!” “Yes, I saw it!” replied Finney. “Where are you callin’ from?” It was general question time on the “Top […]...
6. Перевод слова vase Vase – ваза, сосуд Перевод слова Porcellaneous vase – фарфоровая ваза the flowers are in the vase – цветы стоят в вазе cinerary vase – погребальная урна Put the Vase on the shelf. Поставьте эту вазу на полку. The Vase narrows at its top. Ваза сужается к вершине. He smashed the Vase with a hammer. […]...
7. Leprechaun Jokes Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s […]...
8. Regretting Past Actions Dennis: Oh, why did I Let my temper get the best of me? I never should have said those things to the new client! Nora: Don’t Freak out. I’m sure you didn’t do any damage that can’t be Rectified. It’s true that, In retrospect, you probably shouldn’t have called Nathan, the head of the project, […]...
9. Virginia Jokes Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Virginia: Please don’t confuse us […]...
10. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
11. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened […]...
12. Having a Baby Patrick: Hey, congratulations! I just heard that You’re expecting. How far along are you? Cindy: Thanks. I’m Four and a half months pregnant. It feels like it! I feel huge. Patrick: You don’t look it. I bet Carlos is excited. Do you know yet if it’s a boy or a girl? Cindy: No, we don‚Aot. […]...
13. Jokes of science 03 Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender […]...
14. Describing People’s Looks Gilles: Hey, what are you looking at? Nora: Oh, these? They’re pictures from my trip Back home last month. Gilles: Let’s have a look. So, who’s this? Nora: That’s my sister and that’s my Cousin Keira. Gilles: Your sister Looks nothing like you. You’re Fair and she has dark hair and dark eyes. Now, you […]...
15. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said “Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.” The Italian said “That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with […]...
16. Funny Jokes about the Irish The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O’Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the […]...
17. Amusing Jokes about the Irish Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a […]...
18. Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, […]...
19. Irish Pub Jokes Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, “Where are we now?” The guide said, “We’re in the great state of Texas.” “It’s a big place,” said Murphy. The […]...
20. Georgia Jokes Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia […]...
21. Jokes About The Irishmen “Hey,” said a new arrival in the pub, “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.” “Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “, I’m Irish.” “Don’t worry,” said the newcomer, “I’ll tell them slowly.” Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the […]...
22. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
23. The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after […]...
24. France Jokes Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris? A: He was declared to be in Seine. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
25. Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
26. A hearing problem An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20′ behind her and asked “Can you hear me sweetheart”?. No reply. Moved to 10′ and inquired again. No reply. 5′ and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked “Can you hear me now honey”? His wife said “For the […]...
27. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Jokes An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a […]...
28. Jokes about Dumb Irishmen The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. […]...
29. Irish marriage jokes Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, “If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.” This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said […]...
30. Traveling on the train There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the […]...
31. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
32. Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, “well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.” Patrick says, “that’s terrible, did he go to the […]...
33. Describing Order and Sequence Patrick: Okay, your first Task is To put all of these files in order. Maya: Wow, there must be hundreds of files in this Storeroom. How am I supposed to organize them? Patrick: Create a basic Filing system. Put things in Sequence. If they’re Labeled with dates, put them in Chronological order. If they’re labeled […]...
34. True love Three men were drinking at a bar – a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, “For her birthday, I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me […]...
35. Clean Humor about the Irish It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: “Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, […]...
36. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no […]...
37. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
38. Chicago Jokes A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary […]...
39. Florida Jokes Dumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just […]...
40. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Walk you through” Miller Миллер Nora, I’m putting you in charge of a new project. I want you to create some web applications for our marketing product line. Нора, ты возглавишь новый проект. Я хочу, чтобы ты сделала несколько веб-приложений для продажи наших продуктов. Nora Нора Alright, sir. I don’t know much about programming for the Internet. Хорошо, […]...