Modems beat women

Related topics:

1. The seven kinds of passionate women 1.The Optimist – “Yes! Yes! Yes!” 2.The Pessimist – “No! No! No!” 3.The Confused – “Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!” 4.The Asthmatic – written rendition of gasping 5.The Sprinter – “Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!” 6.The Religious – “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 7.The Mathematician – “More! More! More! More!...
2. Значение идиомы call up [call up] {v.} 1. To make someone think of; bring to mind; remind. The picture of the Capitol called up memories of our class trip. 2. To tell to come. The district attorney called up three witnesses. 3. To bring together for a purpose; bring into action. Jim called up all his strength, pushed past […]...
3. Перевод слова virus Virus – вирус Перевод слова Virus disease – вирусное заболевание anti-virus software – антивирусное ПО masked virus – скрытый вирус rabid virus – вирус бешенства Your computer has been infected with a Virus. Ваш компьютер заражен вирусом. There are many different strains of flu Virus. Имеется много штаммов вируса гриппа. Hackers are said to have […]...
4. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
5. Значение идиомы catch-22 [catch-22] {n.}, {informal} From Joseph Heller’s novel “Catch-22”, set in World War II. 1. A regulation or situation that is self-contradictory or that conflicts with another regulation. In Heller’s book it referred to the regulation that flight crews must report for duty unless excused for reasons of insanity, but that anyone claiming such an excuse […]...
6. I’ve never understood why women love cats I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]...
7. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
8. The Irish Virus An actual mailing: Greetings, You have just received the “IRISH VIRUS”. As we don’t have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation....
9. The astronomy jokes NASA just disclosed details why the rover wouldn’t accept any commands. They took a picture of the rover’s built-in display which showed a windows screen and the text “press any key to continue”. It is not conclusive yet, but the NASA believes the Mars Pathfinder has found proof of life on Mars. The cd player […]...
10. University courses for men and women Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do […]...
11. The WORK virus There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends and […]...
12. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.” So he went home feeling […]...
13. Virus Alert There is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated through the email system. If you get an email message with the subject: “VIRUS ALERT!” do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get […]...
14. Women seeking men “WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds 40-ish means: 48 Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate means: Possessive Artist means: Unreliable Average looking means: You figure this one out Beautiful means: Pathological liar Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile means: […]...
15. Значение идиомы home [home] See: AT HOME, BRING HOME, BRING HOME THE BACON, CHICKENSCOME HOME TO ROOST, CLOSE TO HOME, CONVALESCENT HOME or NURSING HOMEor REST HOME, KEEP THE HOME FIRES BURNING, MAKE ONESELF AT HOME, NOBODY HOME, WRITE HOME ABOUT....
16. Try to explain women A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. “Sure,” GOD says, “Go right ahead”. “OK,” the man says. “Why did you make women so pretty?” GOD says, “So you would like them.” “OK,” the guy says. “But how come you […]...
17. A man calls his family doctor A man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
18. Health Топик Здоровье рассказывает, в каком случае мы вызываем врача на дом, как он диагностирует заболевание. Чтобы выздороветь, надо точно выполнять все указания врача, а в сложных случаях лучше провести лечение в стационаре, а затем – неплохо отдохнуть пару недель в санатории. Приводится описание новых форм оказания медицинской помощи населению в России. When we are ill, […]...
19. Collection 08 For two cents, I’d give you a piece of my mind – and all of yours. You are the only person I’ve ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time! You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth! I heard you went to see the […]...
20. Значение идиомы beat one to it [beat one to it] {v. phr.} To arrive or get ahead of another person. I was about to call you, John, but you have beat me to it! Thanks for calling me....
21. Перевод слова doctor Doctor – врач, доктор Перевод слова To call a doctor – вызвать врача doctor’s degree – докторская степень to go to the doctor’s – пойти к врачу My head reels, Doctor. Доктор, у меня кружится голова. Let me by, I’m a Doctor. Пропустите меня, я доктор. You want to see a Doctor. Тебе следует показаться […]...
22. Balls Once man came to doctor and said to him that his balls don’t work. doctor implanted to him one iron and one wooden ball. in some years they meet in the street and doctor asked him. ooo how are your balls working? the man: they work perfectly. I have 2 boys-one’s name is Robocob and […]...
23. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
24. Перевод слова require Require – требовать, нуждаться, приказывать Перевод слова The court requires you to attend – суд требует вашего присутствия you will require a coat – вам понадобится пальто to require major repair – требовать капитального ремонта require little comment – не требовать разъяснений You are Required to obey. От вас требуют подчинения. The house Requires painting. […]...
25. A young mother paying a visit to a doctor A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.” “No,” said the doctor calmly, […]...
26. Перевод слова meet Meet – встречаться, встречать Перевод слова To meet with competition – сталкиваться с конкуренцией our eyes met – наши взгляды встретились let’s meet for dinner – давайте пообедаем вместе How seldom we Meet! Как же редко мы встречаемся! Meet me at 8.00. Встречай меня в 8.00. Pleased to Meet you. Рад с вами познакомиться. Интересные […]...
27. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
28. Missing the Tour Group Bus Kelly: Where is everybody? Man: Excuse me? Were you talking to me? Kelly: Oh, no. I was just Talking to myself. Our Tour group was supposed To rendezvous here at five o’clock for our Return trip to the hotel. But there’s No trace of the bus and I don’t see any other people from my […]...
29. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, […]...
30. Перевод идиомы beat around the bush / beat about the bush, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: beat around the bush / beat about the bush Перевод: ходить вокруг да около; говорить уклончиво и не по существу Пример: Stop beating around the bush and give us your final decision. Хватит ходить вокруг да около, скажи свое окончательное решение....
31. Business trip – Командировка Business trips are just part of doing business. A company tries to choose only its best people to represent it. Trips can happen in or out of the country. And there are as many reasons to go on a business as there are places to go: to sign contracts, to discuss terms of delivery, payment […]...
32. Types of computer viruses Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are […]...
33. A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
34. The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very loud voice, “Free bus to the hotel Astor!” On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, “Free bus to the hotel Astor, Free […]...
35. Значение идиомы catch up [catch up] {v.} 1. To take or pick up suddenly; grab. She caught up the book from the table and ran out of the room. 2. To capture or trap in a situation; concern or interest very much. – Usually used in the passive with “in”. The Smith family was caught up in the war […]...
36. Значение идиомы beat one’s head against a wall [beat one’s head against a wall] {v. phr.} To struggle uselessly against something that can’t be beaten or helped; not succeed after trying very hard. Trying to make him change his mind is just beating your head against a wall....
37. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: ” OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.” She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says “It feels like […]...
38. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
39. Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses (viri?) do: 1. They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does […]...
40. A man comes to a doctor and A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?” “Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You […]...