Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time

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1. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for […]...
2. A helicopter was flying around above Seattle A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of aircraft’s electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritted sign […]...
3. Being Late for an Event Eric: Let’s Get a move on or we’ll be late – again! Carmen: Hold your horses. I’m On the verge of being ready. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know. Eric: A day? I’d Settle for a week. Why is it that every time we have someplace to be you’re always Running late? Carmen: […]...
4. Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his […]...
5. Working Late at the Office I was so glad it was Friday afternoon. I’ve been thinking-TGIF-all day. I was On my way out of the office when I saw Nick sitting at his desk. Even though the office was nearly empty, he didn’t look like he was ready to leave. In fact, he looked like he was still Swamped with […]...
6. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, “Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.” He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was […]...
7. Stop being late to work Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went […]...
8. Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went […]...
9. The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. The boss pressed on, […]...
10. The office happenings Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”. Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.” A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until […]...
11. Перевод слова damp Damp – влажный, сырой Перевод слова Damp cloth – влажная тряпка damage by damp – порча под воздействием сырости damp autumn – сырая осень He pulled off his Damp shirt. Он стянул с себя влажную рубашку. A Damp wind blew from the west. Влажный ветер дул с Запада. Are you sure you won’t catch a […]...
12. Перевод слова helicopter Helicopter – вертолет Перевод слова To pilot a helicopter – вести, пилотировать вертолет to fly a helicopter – лететь на вертолете helicopter engineering – вертолетостроение A Helicopter suddenly swooped down. Вертолет неожиданно начал терять высоту. There were three deaths due to Helicopter crashes. Три человека погибли в результате крушений вертолетов. A Helicopter was circling around, […]...
13. Mrs. Jones is having her house painted Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, “You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?” He sighs and says, “Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. […]...
14. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...
15. The SR-71 Blackbird Retired By Flying Coast-To-Coast In One Hour The SR-71 wasn’t like other planes. It didn’t retire like them either. On this day in 1990, SR-71 #972 took its final flight for the U. S. Military and was officially retired. It ran from Los Angeles to Washington, headed to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. In typical Blackbird fashion, it set four […]...
16. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, “I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.” “Well ” says Chelsea, “you could throw […]...
17. The boss called one of his employees into the office The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four […]...
18. GOD will save me The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said “GOD will save me”. The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and […]...
19. Значение идиомы control tower [control tower] {n.} A tower with large windows and a good view of an airport so that the traffic of airplanes can be seen and controlled, usually by radio. We could see the lights at the control tower as our plane landed during the night....
20. A middle manager is called into his bosses office A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. “Downsizing.” He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he […]...
21. A young bloke has started work on a property A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. “I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a […]...
22. Welfare office A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, “Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his […]...
23. Problems at the Office Lucy: Hey Jeff, can I Pick your brain for a minute? Jeff: Sure, what’s up? Lucy: Well, I have a Sticky situation at work and I wanted to get your Input. You’re always so Tactful. Jeff: Thanks. I’m not sure I can help but I’ll give you my two cents. Lucy: Well, it’s like this. […]...
24. The price is right A successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of […]...
25. The 21st Century Indiana Jones is a Woman Crowdsourcing Space Archaeology Egyptian Pyramids captured by DubaiSat-1 of EIAST, Dubai. Sarah Parcak’s innovative work in space archaeology has earned her the nickname “the Indiana Jones of the 21st century.” When she appeared-wearing Indian Jones’ iconic hat-on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert in January, the host referred to her as a “space archaeologist wizard genius.” In November […]...
26. How I spent my summer holidays В топике Как я провел мои летние каникулы – я рассказываю о том, как я отдыхаю в летние месяцы. Мои родители любят посещать зарубежные страны, а мне тоже интересно посмотреть новые места. Этим летом мы были в Турции, затем навестили бабушку и дедушку в Украине. Обычно мы отдыхаем в Крыму, в Балаклаве, и я всегда […]...
27. Перевод слова airport Airport – аэропорт Перевод слова Airport limousine – машина, нанимаемая в аэропорту on the way to the airport – по пути в аэропорт airport workload – загруженность аэропорта airport capacity – пропускная способность аэропорта The Airport was fogged in. Аэропорт был окутан туманом. I took a cab to the Airport. Я взял такси до аэропорта. […]...
28. Значение идиомы on the hour [on the hour] {adv. phr.} Each time the hour has zero minutes andzero seconds. The uptown bus goes past the school on the hour. The woman must take her pill on the hour....
29. Значение идиомы eleventh hour [eleventh hour] {adj. phr.} Pertaining to the last minutes; thelast opportunity to accomplish a task. The editors made severaleleventh hour changes in the headlines of the morning paper....
30. Перевод идиомы at the top of the hour, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: at the top of the hour Перевод: в начале часа – то есть в 11.00, 12.00 и т. д. (под top of the hour имеется в виду верхняя часть часов, т. е. начало часа) Пример: The radio news always starts at the top of the hour. Новости по радио всегда передаются в начале каждого […]...
31. Bosses versus workers When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that […]...
32. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god […]...
33. Перевод идиомы at the bottom of the hour, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: at the bottom of the hour Перевод: в середине часа – то есть в 10.30, 11.30 и т. д. (под bottom of the hour имеется в виду нижняя часть часов, т. е. середина часа) Пример: The weather forecast is on the radio at the bottom of the hour. Прогноз погоды передается по радио в […]...
34. An unfortunate coincidence One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem–my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?” “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell […]...
35. Always Late to the Party – E. T. II: Nocturnal Fears (Story Treatment) Midway through the summer of 1982, there was no one absorbing more power in Hollywood than Steven Spielberg. With his sci-fi masterpiece, “E. T.: The Extra-Terrestrial,” Spielberg not only had a smash hit flexing unreal box office muscle, but a motion picture that won over every audience it played for, burrowing straight into total cultural […]...
36. Перевод идиомы run late, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: run late Перевод: опаздывать, задерживаться Пример: He is looking forward to meeting you, but he’s just running a few minutes late. Ему не терпится с вами встретиться, но он задержится на несколько минут....
37. At the Post-Office В топике На почте рассказывается, для каких целей существуют почтовые отделения. Вы узнаете, как нужно оформить посылку и как отправить письмо. If you want to buy stamps, postcards, envelopes, to send a telegram or money order, to subscribe to newspapers or magazines, you have to go to the post-office. At some post-offices there is a […]...
38. The third wish A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, ‘I will grant you three wishes.’ The man’s first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the […]...
39. The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, “I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks.” The hands said, “I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person.” The legs declared, “I shuld be boss since I carry the body and […]...
40. Значение идиомы ride roughshod over [ride roughshod over] {v. phr.} To do as you wish withoutconsidering the wishes of ; treat with scorn or lackof courtesy; show no sympathy for. The city officials roderoughshod over the people who did not want their homes torn down for anew school. The boss rode roughshod over the men when they askedfor higher wages....