It’s a ladybug

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1. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretaryMr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, «Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.» He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was ... Читать далее...
2. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a barA man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. «Would you ... Читать далее...
3. Alaskan tourismIf you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don’t scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы on the spot[on the spot] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. or [upon the spot] At thatexact time and at the same time or place; without waiting or leaving. The news of important events is often broadcast on the spot overtelevision. When Tom ruined an expensive machine, his boss firedhim on the spot. Compare: AT ONCE, IN ONE’S ... Читать далее...
5. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы back to the wall[back to the wall] or [back against the wall] {adv. phr.} In a trap, with no way to escape; in bad trouble. The soldiers had their backs to the wall. He was in debt and could not get any help; his back was against the wall. The team had their backs to the wall in ... Читать далее...
7. Taking the final examTwo college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, «Old MacDonald had a ________.» Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова tinyTiny — крошечный Перевод слова Tiny parasitic insects — маленькие насекомые-паразиты tiny spark — искорка tiny brook — ручеек tiny tot with yellow hair — малыш с золотистыми волосами The plate had a Tiny chip in the edge. На ободке тарелки была крошечная щербинка. The computer chips were Tiny. Компьютерные микросхемы были крошечные. It was ... Читать далее...
9. There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beerThere was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer. Up walks a so called «lady of the night». She says, «For $300.00, I’ll do anything you want.» Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says: Ok. Paint my house, bitch!...
10. Значение идиомы hole-in-the-wall[hole-in-the-wall] {n. phr.} A small place to live, stay in, orwork in; a small, hidden, or inferior place. The jewelry storeoccupied a tiny hole-in-the-wall. When Mr. and Mrs. Green werefirst married, they lived in a little hole-in-fhe-wall in a cheapapartment building. 2. {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon}. Atunnel. Let’s get through this hole in the ... Читать далее...
11. A game of golfA man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace. He sat down and asked his mate what happened. «Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough,» replied his friend. «Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова spotSpot — пятно, позор; пачкать, позорить Перевод слова Sun spots — пятна на Солнце without a spot on his reputation — с незапятнанной репутацией table spotted with ink — стол, закапанный чернилами plague spot of sin and imperfection — клеймо греха и несовершенства You have a Spot on your tie. У вас пятно на галстуке. ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы wall[wall] See: BACK TO THE WALL, BEAT ONE’S HEAD AGAINST A WALL, CLIMBTHE WALL, FORWARD WALL, HANDWRITING ON THE WALL, HOLE-IN-THE-WALL, STONE WALL or BRICK WALL, TO THE WALL....
14. Значение идиомы X marks the spot[X marks the spot] An indication made on maps or documents ofimportance to call attention to a place or a feature of someimportance. The treasure hunter said to his companion, «Here it is;X marks the spot.»...
15. A customer walks into a restaurant and noticesA customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, «$500 if we fail to fill your order.» When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant ... Читать далее...
16. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова customerCustomer — покупатель, клиент Перевод слова Customer service — служба работы с покупателями at customer’s discretion — на усмотрение заказчика potential customer — потенциальный клиент She is one of our best Customers. Она является одним из наших лучших клиентов. Poor Customer service has ruined the company’s reputation. Плохое обслуживание клиентов погубило репутацию компании. The Customer ... Читать далее...
18. A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quartersA young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. «Hi, there, I’m Jerry,» he said, as ... Читать далее...
19. Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one askedDown in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, «Do you ever get to feeling horny?» «Yes,» her friend replied. «What do you do about it?» «I usually suck on a Lifesaver.» After a moment of stunned silence her friend asked, «Well, what beach do you go to?»...
20. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
21. Help the lonely childSandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all ... Читать далее...
22. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselorA blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was ... Читать далее...
23. A well laid out plan«First,» said the playboy, «I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.» «Oh no you’re not,» said the girl. «Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.» «Oh no you’re not.» «Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.» ... Читать далее...
24. I trust you that you paidA man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. «But I paid, don’t you remember?» says the customer. «Okay,» says the bartender, «If you said you paid, you did.» The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees ... Читать далее...
25. Busta Rhymes IslandThere is a small piece of land sticking out of a Shrewsbury, Massachusetts pond that doesn’t seem to belong to anyone in particular, but, as 99% Invisible has reported, one local man is crusading to name the spot Busta Rhymes Island. The tiny, 40×40 outcropping has no official name, but Shrewsbury resident Kevin O’Brien, who ... Читать далее...
26. NoticeTo make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It ... Читать далее...
27. I am called a PrincessThe United Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, «Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that ... Читать далее...
28. Two car salesmen were sitting at the barTwo car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, «Boy, business sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking arse.» Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language. «That’s okay,» the blonde replied, «If ... Читать далее...
29. Looking to buy a frogA man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, «If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?» The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. ... Читать далее...
30. Idiots on the computerAny time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a «Wall Street Journal» article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command «Press Any Key» to «Press Return Key» because of the many calls asking where the «Any» key is. 2. AST ... Читать далее...
31. The barber was finishing a haircutThe barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day and started to apply some ‘Aftershave Lotion’ around his ears when the customer yelled, «Don’t put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!» Another customer who was waiting replied, «Hey John, you can put the ‘Aftershave Lotion’ on ... Читать далее...
32. Problems from the startJohn got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. «I’ll be ready in a few minutes,» she said. «Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?» He does wonderful tricks. He ... Читать далее...
33. A man walks into a bar and orders two drinksA man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what’s going on. «Why are you pouring that drink on your hand»? ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы hit the spot[hit the spot] {v. phr.}, {informal} To refresh fully or satisfyyou; bring back your spirits or strength. — Used especially of food ordrink. A cup of tea always hits the spot when you are tired. Mother’s apple pie always hits the spot with the boys....
35. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. «S’cuse me,» said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. «What was that all ... Читать далее...
36. Going to the ParkI arrived at the Park a little early for our neighborhood baseball game and I needed To kill some time. I decided to take a walk along one of the Trails so I could look at the Scenery. Suddenly, I Came across A woman sitting under a Tree. Octavi: What a beautiful day to be ... Читать далее...
37. Пословица / поговорка customer is always right — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: customer is always right Перевод: клиент всегда прав Пример: The sales clerks were trained that the customer is always right and they must never argue with a customer. Продавцов учили, что клиент всегда прав, и что они никогда не должны спорить с клиентом....
38. Перевод слова momentMoment — момент, миг Перевод слова To draw back from the deal at the last moment — отказаться от сделки в последний момент just at that precise moment — именно в тот момент in a rash moment — в спешке He stopped for a Moment. На мгновение он остановился. It takes just a Moment. Это ... Читать далее...
39. A customer sent an order to a distributorA customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, «We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.» The next day ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы Johnny-on-the-spot[Johnny-on-the-spot] {adj. phr.} At the right place when needed;present and ready to help; very prompt; on time. A good waterboy isalways Johnny-on-the-spot. The firemen were Johnny-on-the-spot andput out the fire in the house soon after it started. Compare: ON THEJOB....