It is written in the Bible!

Related topics:

1. It’s in the Bible A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and […]...
2. Перевод идиомы Bible Belt, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: Bible Belt Перевод: Библейский пояс – область США (главным образом, Юг и Средний Запад), где сильны религиозные традиции, и доминирует протестантский фундаментализм Пример: You shouldn’t even try to show a film about sexual perversity in the Bible Belt. Не следует даже пытаться показывать фильм о сексуальных извращениях в Библейском поясе....
3. How Thomas Jefferson Created His Own Bible Thanks to an extensive restoration process, the public can now see how Jefferson created his own version of the Scripture Thomas Jefferson, together with several of his fellow founding fathers, was influenced by the principles of deism, a construct that envisioned a supreme being as a sort of watchmaker who had created the world but […]...
4. Presidents should not swear in on a Bible Barack Obama’s hand lies on a Bible held by Michelle Obama as he is sworn in as the 44th U. S. president on January 20, 2009. U. S. presidents should not be sworn into office with their hand on a Bible. At Monday’s inauguration of his second term, President Barack Obama will raise his right […]...
5. GIRL’S CONFESSION GIRL’S CONFESSION The priest leaned closer to hear the girl’s confession. “So me and my cousin were alone in the house,” she continued, “and went up to my bedroom…” “Go on, my child,” said the priest gently. “I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on […]...
6. The priest was preparing a man The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!” The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to […]...
7. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
8. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard […]...
9. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said “Thank you, virgin Father!” The priest replied, “What did you say?” The boy repeated, “Thank […]...
10. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
11. Written in the stars Топик Предначертано звездами повествует о неожиданной встрече двух одиноких людей, уже не веривших, что судьба подарит им любовь. И пусть эта встреча и произошла при трагических обстоятельствах, но если “предначертано звездами”, она состоится, рано или поздно. She was a nurse in a local hospital. He was a fireman and he risked his life almost every […]...
12. Sex on Sabbath A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex […]...
13. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that […]...
14. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew […]...
15. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out […]...
16. A catholic lithany A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. “A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. “A […]...
17. Перевод слова pencil Pencil – карандаш; рисовать, записывать Перевод слова Margin notes in pencil – карандашные заметки на полях the stub of a pencil – огрызок карандаша he would pencil down his ideas – он обычно записывал свои мысли pencil case – пенал Have a pad and Pencil ready. Приготовьте блокнот и карандаш. The end of the Pencil […]...
18. Best Analogies Ever Written Originally from a Washintgon Post Contest Winners of the “worst analogies ever written in a high school essay” contest. (Actually most of them are similes –but… whatever) He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those […]...
19. A man is driving down the road for a long period of time A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,”Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. […]...
20. Pray hard A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, […]...
21. Using nails on a house These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over […]...
22. Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, “I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there.” That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, “I’ve never seen anything like that. […]...
23. Перевод слова priest Priest – священник Перевод слова To ordain a priest – посвящать в духовный сан priest’s trappings – внешние атрибуты священника priest brethren – братья в священстве We thanked the Priest for his kind words. Мы поблагодарили священника за теплые слова. A Priest, vested in surplice. Священник, облаченный в стихарь. A Priest has eased me of […]...
24. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, “I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd […]...
25. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
26. In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I […]...
27. A little girl came running into the house crying A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. “Why do you want cider?” asked Mom. “To take the pain away,” sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little […]...
28. Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
29. Paying in advance A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth […]...
30. Irish Religion Humor Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]...
31. Three girls died and were brought to the gates Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, “Before entering you must answer this simple question.” “Which is…?”, they replied in unison. “Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the first girl. […]...
32. A girl called the police department and reported that A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, “When did this happen?” She replied, “Last week.” The police then asked, “Why did you wait until now to report it?” Well,” she said. “I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.”...
33. Falling down There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would […]...
34. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
35. Help the lonely child Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all […]...
36. Перевод слова page Page – страница Перевод слова At the bottom of the page – внизу страницы front-page headlines – заголовки передовиц the layout of the text on the page – размещение текста на странице page layout – макет страницы There is a Page missing. Здесь недостает страницы. See Page 11. Смотрите на стр. 11. Leave the last […]...
37. Criminal steals lumber A man with a nagging secret couldn’t keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. “What did you take?” his priest asked. “Enough to build my own house and enough for my son’s house. And houses for our two […]...
38. What causes arthritis? A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled […]...
39. What causes people to have arthritis A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the […]...
40. At a grocery store A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have […]...