In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man

Related topics:

1. A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: “You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that […]...
2. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that you have vacancies.” […]...
3. Перевод слова pray Pray – молиться, молить Перевод слова To pray for pardon – молить о прощении the peasants prayed for rain – крестьяне молились о дожде to pray at a shrine – молиться у святыни I’m Praying for Mother to get better. Я молюсь, чтобы маме стало лучше. He Prayed that he might be forgiven. Он молил […]...
4. Перевод слова hatred Hatred – ненависть Перевод слова To burn with hatred – гореть ненавистью deep-rooted hatred – глубокая ненависть to incur hatred – навлечь на себя ненависть She seemed enslaved by Hatred. Казалось, что она была порабощена ненавистью. It is monstrous to preach Hatred. Пропагандировать ненависть чудовищно. I have to confess to a Hatred of modern music. […]...
5. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
6. Значение идиомы children should be seen and not heard [children should be seen and not heard] A command issued by adults to children ordering them to be quiet and not to interrupt. – A proverb. Your children should not argue so loudly. Haven’t you taught them that children should be seen and not heard?...
7. One night a man heard howls coming from his basement One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The […]...
8. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women […]...
9. Пословица / поговорка children should be seen and not heard – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: children should be seen and not heard Перевод: детей должно быть видно, но не слышно Пример: The woman believed that children should be seen and not heard. And her children were always very quiet. Эта женщина считала, что детей должно быть видно, но не слышно. И ее дети всегда были очень тихими....
10. Перевод слова safety Safety – безопасность, сохранность Перевод слова Public safety – общественная безопасность traffic safety – безопасность уличного движения safety lock – предохранитель He ran to Safety. Он бежал туда, где безопасно. Safety first! Соблюдайте осторожность! Safety is our chief concern. Безопасность – наша главная забота....
11. A Jewish Mother Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I […]...
12. Значение идиомы wall [wall] See: BACK TO THE WALL, BEAT ONE’S HEAD AGAINST A WALL, CLIMBTHE WALL, FORWARD WALL, HANDWRITING ON THE WALL, HOLE-IN-THE-WALL, STONE WALL or BRICK WALL, TO THE WALL....
13. A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to a dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. “First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission.” “Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler”. Suddenly everyone […]...
14. Перевод слова peace Peace – мир, покой, мирный Перевод слова Peace in the home – мир и спокойствие в доме peace of mind – душевный покой peace with honour – почетный мир May he rest in Peace! Мир праху его! He wants to be left in Peace. Он хочет, чтобы его оставили в покое. The Peace talks look […]...
15. Computers are female The top six reasons computers must be female: 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner. 5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic. 4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. 3. The native language used to communicate with other […]...
16. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
17. A stupid dog While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?” Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.” “Oh, come […]...
18. Перевод слова kneel Kneel – становиться на колени Перевод слова Kneel upon a stone floor – стоять на коленях на каменном полу kneel down – преклонять колени kneel in prayer – молиться на коленях I Knelt down to play with the baby on the floor. Я опустился на колени, чтобы поиграть на полу с ребенком. He was Kneeling […]...
19. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
20. All the same An airplane takes off from the airport. The Captain is Jewish and the First Officer is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and it’s obvious, by the silence, that they don’t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain mutters: “I don’t like Chinese.” The First Officer replies: “Oooooh, no like Chinese? Why […]...
21. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, “help, help, I am having a heart attack”, the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run […]...
22. One day a little boy over heard his parents One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, “You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!” The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out […]...
23. Her father was very angry when he heard that his Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington. “For gods sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!” “I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down. […]...
24. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile […]...
25. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when […]...
26. Значение идиомы safety blitz [safety blitz] {n.} A defensive play in football in which thedefensive safety man makes a quick run to tackle the offensivequarterback. Bob’s safety blitz kept Tom from making a touchdown....
27. Значение идиомы safety island [safety island] or [safety zone] {n.} A raised area in a highway orroad to be used only by people walking. John was half-way acrossthe street when the light changed. He stayed on the safety islanduntil it changed again....
28. World’s oldest man, a Holocaust survivor in Israel, to celebrate bar mitzvah 100 years late JERUSALEM (JTA) – The world’s oldest man, 113-year-old Yisrael Kristal, a Holocaust survivor living in Israel, will celebrate his bar mitzvah. Kristal’s daughter, Shulimath Kristal Kuperstoch, told the DPA news agency that about 100 family members will gather in Kristal’s home city of Haifa in the coming weeks to mark the rite. “We will bless […]...
29. Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said ‘N I L’. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity, The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. […]...
30. Jewish fly A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in […]...
31. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard Holy hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, “how far are you willing to go for a joke?” Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of […]...
32. Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each […]...
33. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. “What’s this,” […]...
34. Pray hard A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, […]...
35. A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. “I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and […]...
36. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
37. A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I could not help interrupting. “Why not?” said I. “Let her marry a Gentile boy. I’m all […]...
38. The first Jewish woman President is elected The first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: “Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.” “I don’t know, what would I wear?” “Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker” “But I only eat kosher food” “Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get […]...
39. Journalist I decided to be a journalist. I think it is an interesting and useful profession. I like to watch TV, listen to the radio, read newspapers and magazines. I like everything which connected with mass media. I have a hobby. My friends and I are publishing a small newspaper once a month in our school. […]...
40. An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, “Operator, giff me beck the party!” She says, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to make the call all over again.” He says, “What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party.” She […]...