In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man

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1. A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureauA journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: «You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that ... Читать далее...
2. Jewish flyA man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова journalistJournalist — журналист Перевод слова Freelance journalist — внештатный журналист accredit a journalist — аккредитовать журналиста hack journalist — наемный писака A chance meeting with a Journalist changed everything. Случайная встреча с журналистом изменила все. The minister has dismissed the Journalist’s comments as impertinent. Министр отмел замечания журналиста как не относящиеся к делу. The Journalist ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова femaleFemale — женщина, женский; женского пола Перевод слова Female relations — родственницы female patients — пациентки female education — женское образование Female cattle are cows. Женские особи крупного рогатого скота — это коровы. A Female deer is a doe. Самка оленя называется оленихой. The workers were overwhelmingly Female. Среди работников преобладали женщины. Примеры из жизни ... Читать далее...
5. A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a partyA whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I could not help interrupting. «Why not?» said I. «Let her marry a Gentile boy. I’m all ... Читать далее...
6. JournalistI decided to be a journalist. I think it is an interesting and useful profession. I like to watch TV, listen to the radio, read newspapers and magazines. I like everything which connected with mass media. I have a hobby. My friends and I are publishing a small newspaper once a month in our school. ... Читать далее...
7. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flyingA Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: «Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that ... Читать далее...
8. Computers are femaleThe top six reasons computers must be female: 6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner. 5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic. 4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference. 3. The native language used to communicate with other ... Читать далее...
9. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
10. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
11. Chaim escapes from a mental hospitalChaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, «Are you Jewish?» The man says, «No.» Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, «You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?» The man replies, «No!» ... Читать далее...
12. My Future Profession (Journalist)В топике Моя будущая профессия (журналист) – я хочу рассказать, почему я решил стать журналистом. Мне нравится все, что связано с СМИ, кроме того, мы с друзьями выпускаем в нашей школе небольшую газету, в которой стараемся интересно написать о школьных событиях и жизни молодежи, публикуем шутки, рисуем карикатуры. Мои любимые школьные предметы — история и ... Читать далее...
13. Guinea pig to become father to 400 after breaking into female enclosureRandy escaped his male only enclosure at Hatton Adventure World in Warwick and broke into the female-only area. Staff at Hatton Country World in Warwickshire couldn’t understand why they suddenly had 100 pregnant guinea pigs on their hands — until they released one of the male rodents had managed to escape his enclosure and infiltrate ... Читать далее...
14. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
15. One night a man heard howls coming from his basementOne night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse’s confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The ... Читать далее...
16. Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boyTwo friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each ... Читать далее...
17. Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voicesMorris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said ‘N I L’. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity, The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. ... Читать далее...
18. I Want to be a Journalist — Я хочу быть журналистомI decided to be a journalist. I think it is an interesting and useful profession. I like to watch TV, listen to the radio, read newspapers and magazines. I like everything which connected with mass media. I have a hobby. My friends and I are publishing a small newspaper once a month in our school. ... Читать далее...
19. A young female teacher was giving an assignmentA young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, «What’s so funny Pat?» «Well teacher, I just ... Читать далее...
20. How did they know that Jesus was Jewish?Q: How did they know that Jesus was Jewish? A: Because he lived at home until he was thirty, he went into his father’s business, his mother thought he was God, and he thought his mother was a virgin....
21. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger ladyAn older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the ... Читать далее...
22. A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invitesA Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to a dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. «First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission.» «Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler». Suddenly everyone ... Читать далее...
23. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.» A Jewish mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.»...
24. A Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatristA Jewish young man was seeing a psychiatrist for an eating and sleeping disorder. «I am so obsessed with my mother… As soon as I go to sleep, I start dreaming, and everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up in such a state, all I can do is go downstairs and ... Читать далее...
25. A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonadeA Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he’ll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: «Go stand on the corner for ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы children should be seen and not heard[children should be seen and not heard] A command issued by adults to children ordering them to be quiet and not to interrupt. — A proverb. Your children should not argue so loudly. Haven’t you taught them that children should be seen and not heard?...
27. The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...
28. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noisesA man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, «help, help, I am having a heart attack», the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run ... Читать далее...
29. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Между журналистом и известным человеком (Between Journalist And Famous Person)»По-английски Перевод на русский Journalist: Good morning, Mr. Star. How are you doing? Журналист: Доброе утро, мистер Стар. Как у вас дела? Eric Star: Good morning. I’m well, thank you. How are you? Эрик Стар: Доброе утро. Все нормально, спасибо. А у вас? Journalist: Fine, thanks. I came to ask you several questions about your ... Читать далее...
30. Her father was very angry when he heard that hisHer father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington. «For gods sake!» he screamed, «Someone could have attacked you and raped you!» «I wasn’t ever in no danger at all», she said, trying to calm him down. ... Читать далее...
31. There was this man in a mental hospitalThere was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. ... Читать далее...
32. An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to CaliforniaAn old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, «Operator, giff me beck the party!» She says, «I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to make the call all over again.» He says, «What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party.» She ... Читать далее...
33. Пословица / поговорка children should be seen and not heard — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: children should be seen and not heard Перевод: детей должно быть видно, но не слышно Пример: The woman believed that children should be seen and not heard. And her children were always very quiet. Эта женщина считала, что детей должно быть видно, но не слышно. И ее дети всегда были очень тихими....
34. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to townWhen this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when ... Читать далее...
35. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voiceA man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: «Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.» The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile ... Читать далее...
36. One day a little boy over heard his parentsOne day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, «You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!» The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out ... Читать далее...
37. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heardHoly hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, «how far are you willing to go for a joke?» Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы wall[wall] See: BACK TO THE WALL, BEAT ONE’S HEAD AGAINST A WALL, CLIMBTHE WALL, FORWARD WALL, HANDWRITING ON THE WALL, HOLE-IN-THE-WALL, STONE WALL or BRICK WALL, TO THE WALL....
39. Перевод слова prayPray — молиться, молить Перевод слова To pray for pardon — молить о прощении the peasants prayed for rain — крестьяне молились о дожде to pray at a shrine — молиться у святыни I’m Praying for Mother to get better. Я молюсь, чтобы маме стало лучше. He Prayed that he might be forgiven. Он молил ... Читать далее...
40. Моя будущая профессия — журналист/ My Future Profession Is A JournalistНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Future Profession Is A Journalist Моя будущая профессия — журналист Every person wants to choose the right profession, because the largest part of life is connected with some occupation. When the person enjoys what he is doing, we say he took the right path. Most teenagers are ... Читать далее...