One night a man heard howls coming from his basement

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1. Better than Sex A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books. Rotated back […]...
2. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when […]...
3. Bad news A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever […]...
4. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
5. ‘Twas the Night After Christmas ‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had […]...
6. A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. “Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!” “Well, why not try your luck?” replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes […]...
7. On their wedding night the husband was so self On their wedding night the husband was so self – conscious about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his bride. “That’s thoughtful, darling,” she cooed, “but we’ll need the light if you want to […]...
8. A wife was berating her husband A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, “Don’t unleash the beast in me.” The wife snickered and replied, “Unlike a lot of women, ‘dear’, I’m not the least bit afraid of a mouse.”...
9. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
10. Her father was very angry when he heard that his Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington. “For gods sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!” “I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down. […]...
11. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,”Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.” His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, “Mother, if this […]...
12. One night, as a couple lay down for bed This joke sucks…. One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to […]...
13. Sneaky, sneaky Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband’s insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night – only to find a cucumber in his hand. “Is THIS”, she asked, pointing to the vegetable, “what you’ve been using on me for […]...
14. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, “That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?” The husband replied “Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.” “That’s nice honey” she replied, “What did it look […]...
15. Coming across – Случайно встретившись How many times do we make ourselves think of our behavior and treatment towards other people? And the same question used to be held in a painter’s head. Bernard lived on his own, but, on the other hand he had the whole world in his arms. The painter was a well-skilled one and was able […]...
16. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory […]...
17. Naming the kids One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard’s idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor standing […]...
18. Значение идиомы good night [good night] {interj.} 1. Used as a polite phrase when you leavesomeone at night. “Good night!” said Bob as he left Dick’s houseafter the party. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Bill said goodnight to his parents and went upstairs to bed. 2. or [good grief] – Used to show surprise and often some fear […]...
19. Three mice are sitting in a bar talking Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with […]...
20. Перевод слова darling Darling – дорогой, любимый Перевод слова My darling son – мой любимый сын darling of fortune – баловень судьбы my darling – любимая You are such a Darling, John. Ты просто прелесть, Джон. What a Darling little house! Какой милый домик! Don’t worry, Darling, Daddy’s here. Не волнуйся, дорогая, папа здесь....
21. A bartender was getting ready to close for the night A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, “This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!” The scared bartender pleads, “Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!” The robber yells, “Shut […]...
22. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed […]...
23. Значение идиомы night letter [night letter] {n.} A telegram sent at night at a cheaper rate anddelivered in the morning. I waited until after six o’clock in theevening before sending the telegram home because I can say more forthe same price in a night letter....
24. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, “Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!” …So he got his bowling bowl […]...
25. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, “Sol, I’m happy […]...
26. Out All Night Drinking An Irishman’s been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat […]...
27. Перевод слова night Night – ночь Перевод слова A blusterous windy night – штормовая ветреная ночь a clear night – ясная, звездная ночь the cope of night – покров ночи day and night – круглосуточно He’s on Night duty. Он на ночном дежурстве. It poured all Night. Ливень шел всю ночь. He yawned good Night. Он, зевая, произнес: […]...
28. Перевод идиомы the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: the small hours (of the night / morning) / the wee hours (of the night / morning) Перевод: рассвет или время перед рассветом; часы после полуночи Пример: My father likes to read the newspaper in the small hours of the night. Моему отцу нравится читать газеты по ночам....
29. Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, “Wow, unbelievable!” Which woke Ed. “What’s going on?” said Ed. “I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my […]...
30. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
31. A regular Friday night poker game A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. “Roger, listen,” he told the host, “Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife.” “OK, that’s it, guys,” Roger said. “This is positively the last deal.”...
32. Marriage quotes 10 Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish […]...
33. Значение идиомы day and night [day and night] or [night and day] {adv.} 1. For days without stopping; continually. Syn.: AROUND THE CLOCK. Some filling stations on great highways are open day and night 365 days a year. The three men took turns driving the truck, and they drove night and day for three days. 2. Every day and every […]...
34. An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: “Tail gunner to pilot…Tail gunner to pilot..” The eagle says “what […]...
35. One night, at the lodge of a hunting club One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire – place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” […]...
36. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
37. Значение идиомы night owl [night owl] {n. phr.} One who sleeps during the day and stays up orworks during the night. Tom hardly ever sleeps at night; he prefersto work by lamp light and has become a regular night owl. Compare:GRAVEYARD SHIFT....
38. A henpecked husband A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.” The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now […]...
39. The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking: Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., […]...
40. A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife’s throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, “What the fuck are you doing?” “Just giving you an aspirin for your headache.” The bloke answered. “But I ain’t got a headache,” she yelled […]...