If Wang made toasters

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1. If Microsoft made toasters If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn’t have to take the toaster, but you’d still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster’95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take […]...
2. If Apple made toasters If Apple made toasters… It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these toasters would […]...
3. Describing the Fit of Clothing Vera: How do these pants look on me? Wang: Uh, aren’t they a little too Tight? They look like they’re Cutting off circulation in your legs. Vera: They’re a little Snug, but they Show off my curves, don’t they? Wang: I suggest Going up a size. Something a little less Form fitting would be a […]...
4. Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill and […]...
5. Модальная конструкция Had Better в английском языке Использование модальной конструкции had better в настоящем, прошедшем и будущем времени В большинстве случаев использование модальных глаголов и конструкций в прошедшем и будущем времени отличается от других глаголов. В нижеприведенной таблице показано Употребление модальной конструкции Had better в разных ситуациях. Использование Утвердительные формы 1. Настоящая 2. Прошедшая 3. Будущая Отрицательные формы 1. Настоящая 2. Прошедшая […]...
6. An Unusual Ailment A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the […]...
7. Перевод слова marketing Marketing – торговля, маркетинг, сбыт Перевод слова Marketing analysis – анализ потребительского спроса direct marketing – сбыт без посредников export marketing – изучение внешнего рынка Internet Marketing is not as difficult as it sounds. Маркетинг в Интернет не так сложен, как может показаться. I’m researching Marketing strategies in medicine. Я занимаюсь исследованием маркетинговых стратегий в […]...
8. Getting an Advantage in Sports Tammy: What are you doing this year to give your team an Advantage? Phillip: I Have a few tricks up my sleeve. We’re going to have a Winning season. Tammy: Are you going To start Wang? Phillip: No, I’m Redshirting Wang. I want him to sit out his first year so he can Sharpen his […]...
9. LEGO Is Investing Millions To Ditch Their Oil-Based Plastics In Search Of Environmentally Friendly Alternative LEGO’s toy dominance over the last half century has been built on petroleum-based plastics. The toy company is investing hundreds of millions of dollars dedicated to research, development and implementation of new, sustainable, raw materials to manufacture LEGO elements as well as packaging materials. By 2030, the Danish-based toy company says that their plastic bricks […]...
10. Viral Marketing Jayna: I have an idea for creating Buzz about our new product. Maksym: What is it? Jayna: I think we should use Viral marketing. We can Spread information about the product quickly and among the most likely customers. Maksym: I really don’t understand it. How would we do viral marketing? Jayna: Well, the key is […]...
11. Flying in the plane Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.” The years […]...
12. Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, “Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life.” “What happened?” asks Birnbaum. Goldstein moans, “My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went […]...
13. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and […]...
14. The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: “Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.” The CO said “I see millions of stars.” 1st Sgt.: “And what does that tell you, sir?” CO: Astronomically, it tells […]...
15. Перевод слова agree Agree – соглашаться Перевод слова To agree on conditions – оговорить условия to agree to an exchange – соглашаться на обмен to agree reluctantly – неохотно соглашаться to agree on all points – договориться по всем пунктам All Agree. Все согласны. I Agree with you. Я с вами согласен. Agreed! Разг. решено!, по рукам! We […]...
16. Ordering fast food The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our […]...
17. Training Salespeople Our company brought in a Consultant to do Sales training for our store. For some reason, we’d been getting some Complaints from customers. Consultant: My job in this training is to help your store improve its Customer satisfaction, so that it can attract and Retain more customers. When you Interact with customers, you Represent this […]...
18. Перевод слова release Release – освобождать, отпускать; выпуск Перевод слова To release a brake – отпустить тормоза documentation release – выпуск документации to release a bird – выпустить птицу из клетки He was Released from his promise. Он был освобожден от своего обещания. She was Released from her job. Ее уволили с работы. I wish to be Released […]...
19. Got a second? God, I was wondering…how long is a million years to you?” God answered, “Son, a million years to me is like a second to you.” So the man asks, “God how much is a million dollars to you?” And God answered, “Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to you.” So the […]...
20. Scared sleeping Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two […]...
21. Software Development Process 1) Order the T-shirts for the Development team 2) Announce availability 3) Write the code 4) Write the manual 5) Hire a Product Manager 6) Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications) 7) Ship 8) Test (the customers are a big help here) 9) […]...
22. How you made money A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the […]...
23. Writing a Letter of Inquiry I was Laid off from my job three months ago. Since then, I’ve been Pounding the pavement looking for another job. So far, nothing has Turned up, so I decided To take the bull by the horns and deliver Inquiry letters to every company that might have a Job opening. … Dear Ms. Smith (or […]...
24. Rebuilding Consumer Trust Karen: The Scandal over our new product line really damaged our Image, and we need To rebuild consumer trust. Brandon: This is going to be an Uphill battle. Losing customers is easy. Winning them back will be really hard. Karen: I agree, but our stock is Taking a beating and we need to do something […]...
25. Best Buy Confirms The Existence Of Its Secret Website In the wake of an investigation launched by the Connecticut Attorney General’s office, Best Buy has finally admitted that the now-infamous “secret intranet” (used to mislead in-store customers about BestBuy’s online prices) exists. The website looks identical to BestBuy. com…except for the prices. The secret website was first revealed by George Gombossy of the Hartford […]...
26. Перевод слова development Development – развитие, рост Перевод слова Arrested development – замедленное развитие historical development – историческое развитие intellectual development – интеллектуальное, умственное развитие What are the latest Developments? Что новенького? We were waiting for the next Development. Мы ждали нового поворота событий. How can we improve our chances of career Development? Как мы можем улучшить наши […]...
27. Steve Jobs’ Fruitarian Diet Lands Ashton Kutcher in the Hospital Ashton Kutcher spent time in the hospital after going on one of Steve Jobs’ infamous fruitarian diets to prepare for a new role in a biopic featuring the late Apple CEO. Ashton Kutcher spent time in the hospital after going on one of Steve Jobs’ infamous fruitarian diets to prepare for a new role in […]...
28. Elderly romance There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my […]...
29. News from Washington WASHINGTON, DC – Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday. Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this morning. “We feel that with the release of all the documents from the Starr Inquisition, and […]...
30. ATM procedures Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to […]...
31. Ошибки, совершаемые при употреблении времени Future Perfect Continuous в английском языке Наиболее распространенные ошибки Неправильно Правильно Перевод Объяснение I will have working in the company for 5 years next month. I Will have been working in the company for 5 years next month. В следующем месяце я буду работать в компании уже 5 лет. Способ образования Future Perfect Continuous в утвердительной форме: Will + have + […]...
32. Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel room Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs… Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably. She says, “What’s the matter?” He says, “Forty years ago, I couldn’t wait to eat it, and […]...
33. Change my mind The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, “I give ten dollars.” Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. “I give a thousand dollars!” The minister said, “Lord, hit him again!”...
34. A Product Recall Melissa: This is a Disaster! If we have to Recall 100,000 units, we’ll take a huge Loss this year. Lee: We have no choice. The Product defect poses a Safety hazard. If we don’t act quickly, we’ll have a huge Liability issue On our hands. Melissa: I think we’re Blowing this out of proportion. Only […]...
35. Paying the Bills Grace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus […]...
36. Paying the Bills Grace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus […]...
37. Перевод слова company Company – компания, общество Перевод слова Dance company – танцевальный ансамбль daughter company – дочерняя компания very dubious company – очень подозрительная компания Yonder Company are fools. В той компании такие дураки. Three is a Company. Трое в самый раз. Троих достаточно. Most glad of your Company. Мне так приятно быть в вашем обществе....
38. What marketing is Now I understand what marketing is: You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: “I am very good in bed”. That is Direct Marketing. You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends […]...
39. Telling People Where You’re From Cora: Hi, I’m Cora. Antonio: I’m Antonio. Nice to meet you. Cora: Same here. Are you From around here? Antonio: No, I’m Originally from Arkansas. How about you? Cora: I’m a Native Californian, but I Grew up in the Middle East. My parents were in the military, so we moved Quite a bit, but mainly […]...
40. The corporate boat race An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became […]...