Humor about Drunk Irishmen

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1. Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the ... Читать далее...
2. Humor about the IrishmenThere is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. «Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?» the solicitor questioned his client. «Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?» «Oh, no,» replied Mrs. O’Connor. «Shure now, we ... Читать далее...
3. Humor about Dumb IrishmenThe local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. «Now don’t let me ever see your face again,» said the ... Читать далее...
4. Submarine humor & funSubmarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова networkNetwork — сеть, сетка, схема Перевод слова Network of rails — сеть железных дорог telephone network — телефонная сеть network software — сетевое программное обеспечение communications network — сеть коммуникаций, система связи He owned a Network of shops. Он владел сетью магазинов. We need to maximize Network uptime. Мы должны максимизировать время бесперебойной работы сети. ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова depthDepth — глубина Перевод слова Depth of her knowledge — глубина ее знаний to reach a depth — опуститься на глубину to lack depth — быть неглубоким, поверхностным The pressure varies with the Depth. Давление меняется в зависимости от глубины. People need to realize the Depth of the problem. Люди должны осознать глубину проблемы. There ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова visitorVisitor — посетитель, гость, приезжий Перевод слова Official visitor — лицо, прибывшее с официальным визитом we have visitors — у нас гости visitors to a hotel — проживающие в гостинице Oh no, not another Visitor! О нет, только не еще один посетитель! The guard allowed the Visitor to pass. Охранник разрешил посетителю пройти. The dog ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова bowlBowl — кубок, чаша Перевод слова A bowl of soup — чашка супа salad bowl — салатница sugar bowl — сахарница He upset a Bowl of soup. Он опрокинул миску с супом. Fill the Bowl with sugar. Наполни сахарницу. Mix all the ingredients thoroughly in a large Bowl. Тщательно перемешайте все ингредиенты в большой миске....
9. Перевод слова coreCore — центр, ядро; основной, центральный Перевод слова The core of an apple — сердцевина яблока the core of a subject — суть дела in the core of the city — в самом сердце города That woman is rotten to the Core! Эта женщина прогнила насквозь! He singled out technology as the Core of the ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы rotten to the core[rotten to the core] {adj. phr.} 1. Thoroughly decayed or spoiled. This apple is inedible; it is brown and soft and rotten to thecore. 2. In total moral collapse. The Communist government of Cubais rotten to the core....
11. Значение идиомы beyond one’s depth[beyond one’s depth] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. Over your head in water; in water too deep to touch bottom. Jack wasn’t a good swimmer and nearly drowned when he drifted out beyond his depth. 2. In or into something too difficult for you; beyond your understanding or ability. Bill decided that his big brother’s ... Читать далее...
12. The Microsoft waiterPatron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem? Patron: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time. Patron: No, it’s still there. Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup; try eating it ... Читать далее...
13. Irish Religion HumorFather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, «Do you want to go to heaven?» The man said, «I do Father.» The priest said, «Then stand over there against the wall.» Then the priest asked the second man, «Do you want to got to heaven?» «Certainly, Father,» ... Читать далее...
14. Humor about the Stupid IrishHiggins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова friendlyFriendly — дружелюбный, дружелюбно, дружественно Перевод слова Friendly nod — дружеский кивок головой friendly in manner — обходительный friendly glow of a fire — приятное тепло камина friendly gesture — дружеский жест Their tone was Friendly. Они вели себя дружелюбно. She smiled in a Friendly way. Она дружески улыбнулась. That was Friendly of you. Это ... Читать далее...
16. Civil War Era humorCivil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN… The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова telephoneTelephone — телефон Перевод слова Telephone bill — счет за пользование телефоном outdoor telephone booth — уличная телефонная будка telephone cable — телефонный кабель She spoke to him by Telephone. Она поговорила с ним по телефону. He has Telephoned the news. Он сообщил новости по телефону. You never write or Telephone. Ты никогда не пишешь ... Читать далее...
18. Great School Humor«I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.» — Groucho Marx 1890-1977 — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы to pieces[to pieces] {adv. phr.} 1. Into broken pieces or fragments;destroyed. The cannon shot the town to pieces. The vase fell topieces in Mary’s hand. 2. {informal} So as not to work; into a stateof not operating. After 100,000 miles the car went to pieces. When Mary heard of her mother’s death, she went to pieces. ... Читать далее...
20. Humor about Irish MarriagesSome years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving ... Читать далее...
21. Two Irishmen are sitting in a barTwo Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, «well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.» Patrick says, «that’s terrible, did he go to the ... Читать далее...
22. Jokes About The Irishmen«Hey,» said a new arrival in the pub, «I’ve got some great Irish jokes.» «Before you start,» said the big bloke in the corner, «, I’m Irish.» «Don’t worry,» said the newcomer, «I’ll tell them slowly.» Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the ... Читать далее...
23. A bowl of chiliA homeless man walks into a diner with enough change for a cup of coffee. Seated next to him at the counter, was a well-dressed man with a bowl of chili in front of him. A few minutes later, finishing his cup of coffee, the homeless man begins to notice that the stranger next to ... Читать далее...
24. Jokes about Dumb IrishmenThe blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы cut to pieces[cut to pieces] {v. phr.} 1. To divide into small parts with something sharp; cut badly or completely. Baby has cut the newspaper to pieces with scissors. 2. To destroy or defeat completely. The soldiers were cut to pieces by the Indians. When Dick showed his book report to his big sister for correction, she ... Читать далее...
26. The Mathematical SciencesRapid growth in the nature and applications of mathematics means that the Newtonian core — calculus, analysis, and differential equations — is now just one part of a more diverse mathematical landscape. Yet most scientists have explored only this original territory, because that is all that was included in their curriculum in high school, college, ... Читать далее...
27. Worries while flyingTwo statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that ... Читать далее...
28. Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothelTwo Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. «Ah, will you look at that?» One ditch digger said. «What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?» A short time later, ... Читать далее...
29. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы go to pieces[go to pieces] {v. phr.} To become very nervous or sick fromnervousness; become wild. Mrs. Vance went to pieces when she heardher daughter was in the hospital. The man went to pieces when thejudge said he would have to go to prison for life. Mary goes topieces when she can’t have her own way....
31. StarsLife cycle of a star Stars begin as clouds of dust and hydrogen, called nebulas. When they get hot enough they start burning hydrogen and produce energy. This process, called fusion, can last billions of years. When a star runs out of hydrogen the fusion process stops and it starts cooling down. Most stars become ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы goldfish bowl[goldfish bowl] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} 1. A situation in whichit is not possible to keep things secret for any length of time. Washington Society is a goldfish bowl. 2. An apartment or place thatprovides no privacy for its occupant, e. g., an office that has toomany windows. Joe’s office is a goldfish bowl, that’s why ... Читать далее...
33. An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to CaliforniaAn old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, «Operator, giff me beck the party!» She says, «I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to make the call all over again.» He says, «What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party.» She ... Читать далее...
34. He’s drunk at the barOne night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his ... Читать далее...
35. A Drunk ScottsmanThere was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. ... Читать далее...
36. I know you were drunk yesterdayA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his ... Читать далее...
37. Test for being drunkA police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, «Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.» The man says, «Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have ... Читать далее...
38. Your father is drunkTo The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why, Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk. He’s walkin’ real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks, Daddy’s home and ... Читать далее...
39. Top ten signs that you are too drunk10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 6. You can focus better with one eye closed. 5. ... Читать далее...
40. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...