Humor about Drunk Irishmen

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1. Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2 Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the […]...
2. Humor about the Irishmen There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. “Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?” “Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Shure now, we […]...
3. Humor about Dumb Irishmen The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the […]...
4. Перевод слова network Network – сеть, сетка, схема Перевод слова Network of rails – сеть железных дорог telephone network – телефонная сеть network software – сетевое программное обеспечение communications network – сеть коммуникаций, система связи He owned a Network of shops. Он владел сетью магазинов. We need to maximize Network uptime. Мы должны максимизировать время бесперебойной работы сети. […]...
5. Submarine humor & fun Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
6. Jokes About The Irishmen “Hey,” said a new arrival in the pub, “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.” “Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “, I’m Irish.” “Don’t worry,” said the newcomer, “I’ll tell them slowly.” Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the […]...
7. Clean Ireland Humor An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both […]...
8. Перевод слова depth Depth – глубина Перевод слова Depth of her knowledge – глубина ее знаний to reach a depth – опуститься на глубину to lack depth – быть неглубоким, поверхностным The pressure varies with the Depth. Давление меняется в зависимости от глубины. People need to realize the Depth of the problem. Люди должны осознать глубину проблемы. There […]...
9. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Humor In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. “Four glasses of ale,” was the reply. “Next?” “Two glasses of whiskey.” “Next?” “One glass of brandy.” “Next?” “A fight.” In West Kerry, the wife commented, “When […]...
10. Перевод слова visitor Visitor – посетитель, гость, приезжий Перевод слова Official visitor – лицо, прибывшее с официальным визитом we have visitors – у нас гости visitors to a hotel – проживающие в гостинице Oh no, not another Visitor! О нет, только не еще один посетитель! The guard allowed the Visitor to pass. Охранник разрешил посетителю пройти. The dog […]...
11. Humor about St. Patrick’s Day Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” Paddy replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
12. Humor about Leprechauns An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!!!!” At […]...
13. Humor about Ireland 2 Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. “Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin – but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is […]...
14. Перевод слова core Core – центр, ядро; основной, центральный Перевод слова The core of an apple – сердцевина яблока the core of a subject – суть дела in the core of the city – в самом сердце города That woman is rotten to the Core! Эта женщина прогнила насквозь! He singled out technology as the Core of the […]...
15. Funny Humor about the Irish This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of […]...
16. Значение идиомы beyond one’s depth [beyond one’s depth] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. Over your head in water; in water too deep to touch bottom. Jack wasn’t a good swimmer and nearly drowned when he drifted out beyond his depth. 2. In or into something too difficult for you; beyond your understanding or ability. Bill decided that his big brother’s […]...
17. Irish Religion Humor Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]...
18. Humor about the Stupid Irish Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When […]...
19. Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
20. Перевод слова friendly Friendly – дружелюбный, дружелюбно, дружественно Перевод слова Friendly nod – дружеский кивок головой friendly in manner – обходительный friendly glow of a fire – приятное тепло камина friendly gesture – дружеский жест Their tone was Friendly. Они вели себя дружелюбно. She smiled in a Friendly way. Она дружески улыбнулась. That was Friendly of you. Это […]...
21. Перевод слова telephone Telephone – телефон Перевод слова Telephone bill – счет за пользование телефоном outdoor telephone booth – уличная телефонная будка telephone cable – телефонный кабель She spoke to him by Telephone. Она поговорила с ним по телефону. He has Telephoned the news. Он сообщил новости по телефону. You never write or Telephone. Ты никогда не пишешь […]...
22. Great School Humor “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx 1890-1977 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
23. Значение идиомы to pieces [to pieces] {adv. phr.} 1. Into broken pieces or fragments;destroyed. The cannon shot the town to pieces. The vase fell topieces in Mary’s hand. 2. {informal} So as not to work; into a stateof not operating. After 100,000 miles the car went to pieces. When Mary heard of her mother’s death, she went to pieces. […]...
24. Humor about Irish Marriages Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving […]...
25. Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, “well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.” Patrick says, “that’s terrible, did he go to the […]...
26. Jokes about Dumb Irishmen The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. […]...
27. Значение идиомы cut to pieces [cut to pieces] {v. phr.} 1. To divide into small parts with something sharp; cut badly or completely. Baby has cut the newspaper to pieces with scissors. 2. To destroy or defeat completely. The soldiers were cut to pieces by the Indians. When Dick showed his book report to his big sister for correction, she […]...
28. The Mathematical Sciences Rapid growth in the nature and applications of mathematics means that the Newtonian core – calculus, analysis, and differential equations – is now just one part of a more diverse mathematical landscape. Yet most scientists have explored only this original territory, because that is all that was included in their curriculum in high school, college, […]...
29. Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said. “What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?” A short time later, […]...
30. An Alien in Wonderland – Пришелец в Стране Чудес There are a lot of planets in the space. Some of them are inhabited. The inhabitants of one nameless planet wanted it to be the most wonderful in the Universe and they spent all the time thinking about it. Once they learned that the Earth was inhabited too. They also learned that on the Earth […]...
31. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, “How in the world did this place […]...
32. Civil War Era humor Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN… The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent […]...
33. Значение идиомы go to pieces [go to pieces] {v. phr.} To become very nervous or sick fromnervousness; become wild. Mrs. Vance went to pieces when she heardher daughter was in the hospital. The man went to pieces when thejudge said he would have to go to prison for life. Mary goes topieces when she can’t have her own way....
34. Stars Life cycle of a star Stars begin as clouds of dust and hydrogen, called nebulas. When they get hot enough they start burning hydrogen and produce energy. This process, called fusion, can last billions of years. When a star runs out of hydrogen the fusion process stops and it starts cooling down. Most stars become […]...
35. Short Irish Jokes Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow […]...
36. An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, “Operator, giff me beck the party!” She says, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to make the call all over again.” He says, “What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party.” She […]...
37. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
38. A Drunk Scottsman There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. […]...
39. Перевод слова ancient Ancient – древний, старинный Перевод слова Ancient languages – древние языки ancient city – древний город ancient monuments – старинные памятники Ancient Troy was a great city. Древняя Троя была великим городом. She invoked an Ancient law Она ссылается на древний закон. He presently returned with a very Ancient bottle. Вскоре он вернулся со старинной […]...
40. Top ten signs that you are too drunk 10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 6. You can focus better with one eye closed. 5. […]...