Him and Her

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1. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. “But,” said the duffer, “since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.” The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with […]...
2. Golf A golf course Golf courses have different sizes and shapes. Most of them have 18 holes that are between a hundred and 500 metres long. If you have finished playing all 18 holes you have played a round of golf. Each hole has a starting place, called a tee. This is a small area from […]...
3. Перевод слова golf Golf – гольф Перевод слова Round of golf – партия гольфа golf match – матч по гольфу devotion to golf – увлечение гольфом He is off playing Golf. Он уехал играть в гольф. He’s a real Golf fiend. Он по настоящему страстный любитель гольфа. Geoff went off to play Golf. Джефф пошел играть в гольф. […]...
4. Getting a Massage Robert: Why are you Twisting your back like that? Staci: I’m in pain. My back and shoulders really hurt. I think it’s from sitting at this computer all the time. Robert: What you need is a good Massage. It can get rid of the Knots in your Muscles and get you some Pain relief. Staci: […]...
5. Definite laws of golf LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed […]...
6. Which of the following does not belong? Which of the following doesn’t belong? (a) meat (b) eggs (c) wife (d) blow job (D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob...
7. Going to a Spa Jan: This is the life! Spending the day at a Spa is my idea of Paradise. Tim: Yeah, it’s great. Jan: Aren’t you enjoying yourself? Tim: The Massage was okay, but why do I have to get a Facial and a Body wrap? I’m a guy! Jan: Men need Rejuvenating, too. These are all Holistic […]...
8. College dining halls This reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining hall in my undergrad days. The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough. PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( […]...
9. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
10. Pick Heaven or Hell One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have […]...
11. JOHN F. KENNEDY: The Swingingest President Ever J. F. K., a gifted golfer, didn’t want to be photographed on the links. He was afraid of inheriting Eisenhower’s image, as a man putting his way through is presidency. An aficionado of Ian Fleming’s spy novels, John F. Kennedy relished keeping secrets almost as much as he enjoyed hearing them. One of Kennedy’s most […]...
12. Перевод слова club Club – клуб Перевод слова Tennis club – теннисный клуб nature-study club – клуб натуралистов-любителей to join a club – стать членом клуба Shall we go to a Club? Мы пойдем в клуб? You have to play a Club. Вы должны играть в клубе. I’ll see you at the Club. Увидимся в клубе....
13. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
14. Перевод слова shower Shower – душ, ливень; осыпать, литься ливнем Перевод слова Shower cubicle – душевая кабина shower of abuse – поток брани, ругательств to be caught in a shower – попасть под ливень it is showering – льет как из ведра Mike shaved and Showered. Майк побрился и принял душ She Showered him with kisses. Она осыпала […]...
15. Golf in the Bedroom Golf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment – normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. […]...
16. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
17. A young couple gets married, and the groom A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts […]...
18. Religious battle golf The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held […]...
19. Значение идиомы pick holes in [pick holes in] {v. phr.} To criticize or find fault withsomething, such as a speech, a statement, a theory, etc. It iseasier to pick holes in someone else’s argument than to make a goodone yourself....
20. Перевод слова dinner Dinner – обед Перевод слова Cracking good dinner – отличный обед dinner companion – сотрапезник at dinner – за обедом Dinner is ready. Обед готов. Wouldn’t he stay to Dinner? Не останется ли он пообедать? We’re having ham for Dinner. У нас ветчина на ужин....
21. Перевод слова perfect Perfect – совершенный, идеальный; совершенствовать Перевод слова To perfect an invention – улучшать изобретение perfect beauty – совершенная красота perfect person – идеальный человек perfect specimen – прекрасный образчик What a Perfect Hebe! Какое прелестное создание! His English was Perfect. Он безупречно говорил по-английски. They live in Perfect union. Они живут в полном согласии. Интересные […]...
22. Slow golfers ahead Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. […]...
23. Buying some golf balls A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains. The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are […]...
24. And yet another college dorm joke I have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a […]...
25. Перевод идиомы take a shower / take a bath, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: take a shower / take a bath Перевод: принять душ / ванну Пример: I usually take a shower when I get home from work. Обычно я принимаю душ, когда прихожу с работы....
26. Перевод слова national National – национальный, народный, государственный Перевод слова National budget – государственный бюджет national characteristic – национальные особенности national disaster – национальная катастрофа national flag – национальный флаг national affairs – вопросы государственной политики He’s a National celebrity. Он является национальной знаменитостью. The dancers were in National costume. Танцоры были в национальных костюмах....
27. Incredible golf ball A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose […]...
28. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
29. A blind guy goes into a whore house A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob. He says to her, “Excuse me, aren’t you Karen Carlton, and didn’t you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?” “Yes. How’d you know?” “I never forget a face.”...
30. This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided he would spend it on the golf course. After arriving at the club house, he was told that the only way he could play today was if he was willing to play along with three nuns. He agreed and set off with the nuns in tow. […]...
31. A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an “escort” service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, “I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s for […]...
32. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an […]...
33. Setting the Table William: This is a very special dinner. It’s not everyday that I have my bosses over for dinner. It has to be perfect. Martha: I know. Why do you think I took out our best China? Instead of worrying, why don’t you help me Set the table? William: Right. I should make myself useful. Is […]...
34. Conversation over dinner Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not – don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) […]...
35. Перевод слова hole Hole – дыра, отверстие, яма Перевод слова A hole in a roof – дыра в крыше to wear into holes – износить до дыр a hole in the fence – лазейка в ограде I have a Hole in my sock. У меня дырявый носок. The theory is full of Holes. Теория полна недостатков. The dog […]...
36. Enduring Hazing Rafael: Go away and stop following us. Our Club is for boys only. Hannah: But I want To join. Rafael: You do, huh? Did you know that to join our club, you have to go through an Initiation? Hannah: Okay, I’ll do that. What do I have to do? Rafael: You have To endure weeks […]...
37. I just did all of that After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, “Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?” “Yes,” the golfer responded. “Did you […]...
38. Значение идиомы pick a hole in [pick a hole in] or [pick holes in] {v. phr.}, {informal} To find amistake in or things wrong with; criticize; blame. The witness saidhe had been walking in the moonlight last Sunday, but the lawyerpicked a hole in what he said by proving that there was no moon andthat it rained Sunday night. Mary is […]...
39. Showering: Men v. Women How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more […]...
40. Heated passions Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon. While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down the fairway, he collapses on the […]...