Him and Her

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1. The Bachelor DietMonday Breakfast — Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth Lunch — Send your secretary out for six «gutbombers» — those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have ... Читать далее...
2. The bachelor’s dietBachelor’s Diet MONDAY: BREAKFAST — Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH — Send your secretary out for six «gutbombers» those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and ... Читать далее...
3. Getting a MassageRobert: Why are you Twisting your back like that? Staci: I’m in pain. My back and shoulders really hurt. I think it’s from sitting at this computer all the time. Robert: What you need is a good Massage. It can get rid of the Knots in your Muscles and get you some Pain relief. Staci: ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова lunchLunch — обед, ланч, второй завтрак Перевод слова Half lunch — легкий завтрак alfresco lunch — завтрак на свежем воздухе box lunch — обед фабричного изготовления в упаковке They joined us for Lunch. Они присоединились к нам за обедом. They broke for Lunch. У них перерыв на обед. He blew $50 on Lunch. Он выкинул ... Читать далее...
5. Riding in a LimousineMandy: Whoo! Whoo! Theo: Hey, get down from there. You shouldn’t be sticking your head out of the Sunroof. Mandy: I just wanted to get some air. This Stretch limo is amazing. Theo: Well, I thought I’d rent one and take you to the Prom in style. Mandy: This is The height of luxury. You’ve ... Читать далее...
6. Which of the following does not belong?Which of the following doesn’t belong? (a) meat (b) eggs (c) wife (d) blow job (D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat, your eggs or your wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob...
7. Going to a SpaJan: This is the life! Spending the day at a Spa is my idea of Paradise. Tim: Yeah, it’s great. Jan: Aren’t you enjoying yourself? Tim: The Massage was okay, but why do I have to get a Facial and a Body wrap? I’m a guy! Jan: Men need Rejuvenating, too. These are all Holistic ... Читать далее...
8. College dining hallsThis reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining hall in my undergrad days. The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough. PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова showerShower — душ, ливень; осыпать, литься ливнем Перевод слова Shower cubicle — душевая кабина shower of abuse — поток брани, ругательств to be caught in a shower — попасть под ливень it is showering — льет как из ведра Mike shaved and Showered. Майк побрился и принял душ She Showered him with kisses. Она осыпала ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы pick holes in[pick holes in] {v. phr.} To criticize or find fault withsomething, such as a speech, a statement, a theory, etc. It iseasier to pick holes in someone else’s argument than to make a goodone yourself....
11. Перевод слова dinnerDinner — обед Перевод слова Cracking good dinner — отличный обед dinner companion — сотрапезник at dinner — за обедом Dinner is ready. Обед готов. Wouldn’t he stay to Dinner? Не останется ли он пообедать? We’re having ham for Dinner. У нас ветчина на ужин....
12. Перевод слова perfectPerfect — совершенный, идеальный; совершенствовать Перевод слова To perfect an invention — улучшать изобретение perfect beauty — совершенная красота perfect person — идеальный человек perfect specimen — прекрасный образчик What a Perfect Hebe! Какое прелестное создание! His English was Perfect. Он безупречно говорил по-английски. They live in Perfect union. Они живут в полном согласии. Интересные ... Читать далее...
13. And yet another college dorm jokeI have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a ... Читать далее...
14. A WOMANS SCHEDULEA WOMAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don’t have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger ... Читать далее...
15. The newly married man came home from workThe newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee. «Guess what I got planned for dinner?» she asked seductively. «And don’t you dare tell me you had it for lunch today.»...
16. Перевод идиомы take a shower / take a bath, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: take a shower / take a bath Перевод: принять душ / ванну Пример: I usually take a shower when I get home from work. Обычно я принимаю душ, когда прихожу с работы....
17. Перевод слова napNap — дремота, дремать Перевод слова After-dinner nap — послеобеденный сон to take a nap — вздремнуть to be caught nap ping — быть застигнутым врасплох I usually take a Nap after lunch. Обычно, я непрочь вздремнуть после обеда. She Naps everyday after lunch for an hour. Она спит каждый день после обеда в течение ... Читать далее...
18. Types of MeetingsSusanna: All right, then. This meeting is over. We’ll meet again next week for a Status update. Juan: Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk about tomorrow’s Teleconference? Susanna: Sorry, I’ve got to run. I’m late for my department’s weekly Brainstorming session. Can it wait? Juan: Sure, how about a Lunch meeting? Susanna: ... Читать далее...
19. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
20. A blind guy goes into a whore houseA blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob. He says to her, «Excuse me, aren’t you Karen Carlton, and didn’t you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?» «Yes. How’d you know?» «I never forget a face.»...
21. Setting the TableWilliam: This is a very special dinner. It’s not everyday that I have my bosses over for dinner. It has to be perfect. Martha: I know. Why do you think I took out our best China? Instead of worrying, why don’t you help me Set the table? William: Right. I should make myself useful. Is ... Читать далее...
22. A man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel roomA man finds himself staying in a Vegas hotel room while on a business trip. Not wishing to be alone, he calls an «escort» service for some company. Soon, a strikingly beautiful hooker arrives. Without preamble the hooker says, «I want to tell you right up front, my minimum fee is $500, and that’s for ... Читать далее...
23. Slow golfers aheadJoe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. ... Читать далее...
24. Last LunchThree steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, «Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.» The second ... Читать далее...
25. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doingAn Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, «Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.» The Mexican opened ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова holeHole — дыра, отверстие, яма Перевод слова A hole in a roof — дыра в крыше to wear into holes — износить до дыр a hole in the fence — лазейка в ограде I have a Hole in my sock. У меня дырявый носок. The theory is full of Holes. Теория полна недостатков. The dog ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы pick a hole in[pick a hole in] or [pick holes in] {v. phr.}, {informal} To find amistake in or things wrong with; criticize; blame. The witness saidhe had been walking in the moonlight last Sunday, but the lawyerpicked a hole in what he said by proving that there was no moon andthat it rained Sunday night. Mary is ... Читать далее...
28. Showering: Men v. WomenHow To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror — make mental note to do more ... Читать далее...
29. What kind of a woman«Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?» asked John «Yes, I will.» Paula replied. «Would you do it for one thousand?» he asked. «Well maybe, or maybe I’d do something else for you.» she answered with a wink. «How about a blowjob for $20?» responded John. «Hey! What kind of women do you ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы take potluck[take potluck] {v. phr.} To share as a guest an everyday mealwithout special preparation. You are welcome to stay for dinner ifyou will take potluck. They were about to have lunch when hephoned and they asked him to take potluck with them....
31. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
32. Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limoTwo newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, «Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.» «Good idea,» she says. «While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.» The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore ... Читать далее...
33. Two law partners leave their office and go to lunchTwo law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. «Damn,» he says. «I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.» His partner replies » What are you worried about? We’re both here.»...
34. The Cesium song 11Cesium Glows (Tune, Love’s a Rose — Neil Young) Cesium glows, but you better not lick it, It’s fire grows when it’s on the tongue. Lips full of holes, you’ll know you’ve kissed it, Just take a bite if you want to die young. I want to see what’s never been seen, I want to ... Читать далее...
35. A cure for a headachePhil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache. «I’ve got a beaut cure for a headache,» said his mate Trev. «Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails.» A week went by and they were ... Читать далее...
36. British LiteratureGreat Britain gave the world a lot of talented people. Many famous writers and poets were born and lived in Great Britain. One of the best known English playwrights was William Shakespeare. He draw ideas for his tragedies and comedies from the history of England and ancient Rome. Many experts consider Shakespeare the greatest writer ... Читать далее...
37. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctorA woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with ... Читать далее...
38. Annoying some waiters10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip. 9. Ask, «Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?» 8. After he describes each special, you shout, «Garbage!» 7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, «Minimum wage». 6. Every few seconds, yell, «More waffles, Cuomo!» 5. Insist that before ordering, you ... Читать далее...
39. The Feline DietMost diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots of table scraps — most ... Читать далее...
40. SCHEDULE OF A MANA MAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pass gas. 3. Drink cup of black coffee. 4. Pass gas. 5. Dress, skipping shower because «alarm didn’t work». 6. Pass gas. 7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while «enjoying» favorite site. 6. Drive to work. Pass gas at ... Читать далее...