A WOMANS SCHEDULE

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1. SCHEDULE OF A MAN A MAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pass gas. 3. Drink cup of black coffee. 4. Pass gas. 5. Dress, skipping shower because “alarm didn’t work”. 6. Pass gas. 7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while “enjoying” favorite site. 6. Drive to work. Pass gas at […]...
2. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
3. Getting a School Class Schedule Carlos: Did you get your Class schedule? Marianne: Yeah. You? Carlos: Yeah. Let’s see if we have any classes together. I have PE with Mr. Lopez and Social studies with Ms. Walters. How about you? Marianne: I have PE with Ms. Schwartz and social studies with Ms. Eng. Who do you have for Geography? I’m […]...
4. Перевод идиомы take a shower / take a bath, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: take a shower / take a bath Перевод: принять душ / ванну Пример: I usually take a shower when I get home from work. Обычно я принимаю душ, когда прихожу с работы....
5. Значение идиомы on schedule [on schedule ] {adv. phr.} As planned or expected; at the righttime. The school bus arrived at school on schedule. The fourseasons arrive on schedule each year. Compare: ON TIME....
6. Reading a Bus Schedule This was my first visit to McQuillanville. I wanted to avoid driving, so I decided to take the bus around the city. However, I was having some trouble figuring out the Bus schedule. Louisa: Excuse me, could you help me read this bus schedule? Curt: I can try. Where do you want to go? Louisa: […]...
7. “Распорядок дня” (My daily schedule) Our dynamic life is full of different activities, and I believe that it is very helpful when you have a scheduled daily routine because it can save your time. I am a schoolboy at present, so let me tell you some words about my daily schedule. I am not an early bird but as a […]...
8. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
9. Перевод слова arrive Arrive – прибывать, приезжать Перевод слова To arrive at a station – прибывать на станцию to arrive in a country – прибывать, приезжать в страну to arrive on foot – приходить пешком to arrive at the age of seventy – дожить до семидесяти лет When her wedding day Arrived, she was really nervous. Когда наступил […]...
10. Mary was having an affair during the day while Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!” Ralph looked […]...
11. A man went to the police station wishing to speak A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying […]...
12. Mrs. Jones is having her house painted Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, “You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?” He sighs and says, “Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. […]...
13. Groundhog Day “I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: “Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?” With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for […]...
14. Перевод слова promise Promise – обещание, обещать, подавать надежды Перевод слова To accomplish a promise – выполнить обещание to act up to a promise – сдержать обещание to go back on a promise – отказаться от обещания to break a promise – нарушить обещание I hate to break my Promise. Я ненавижу нарушать обещания. She gave me her […]...
15. One day a housewife was going about the usual business One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate. She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she […]...
16. Obamacare The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello?” “Mrs. Sanders, please.” “Speaking.” “Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your […]...
17. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
18. Amusing Jokes about the Irish Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a […]...
19. Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. “Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His partner replies ” What are you worried about? We’re both here.”...
20. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
21. Значение идиомы lick and a promise [lick and a promise] {n. phr.}, {informal} A careless, hasty job;an unsatisfactory piece of work. You didn’t wash your hands. Youjust gave them a lick and a promise. The boys didn’t cut the grassproperly. All it got was a lick and a promise....
22. Showering: Men v. Women How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more […]...
23. Перевод слова station Station – станция, пункт, пост, местоположение Перевод слова Dressing station – перевязочный пункт arctic station – арктическая станция coast-guard station – пост береговой охраны television broadcasting station – телевизионная радиостанция I’ll happily take you to the Station. Я с удовольствием подвезу вас на станцию. I placed myself on my former Station. Я встал на свое […]...
24. Last Lunch Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, “Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.” The second […]...
25. A henpecked husband A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.” The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now […]...
26. Перевод идиомы ahead of schedule, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: ahead of schedule Перевод: заранее; впереди графика, расписания, плана Пример: We finished our work ahead of schedule. Мы закончили работу быстрее, чем было условлено....
27. Перевод слова shower Shower – душ, ливень; осыпать, литься ливнем Перевод слова Shower cubicle – душевая кабина shower of abuse – поток брани, ругательств to be caught in a shower – попасть под ливень it is showering – льет как из ведра Mike shaved and Showered. Майк побрился и принял душ She Showered him with kisses. Она осыпала […]...
28. Clinton is vacationing Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. […]...
29. Getting Over a Fight Alisa: Don’t be Mad. Sabir: I’m not mad. Alisa: Yes, you are. I’m sorry. I Admit it was my Fault. Will you stop Moping now? Sabir: I’m not moping. I’m giving you the Silent treatment. Alisa: I knew it! You’re still Peeved at me. What can I do To make it up to you? Sabir: […]...
30. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
31. Перевод слова husband Husband – муж Перевод слова Ex-husband, former husband – бывший муж henpecked husband – подкаблучник to leave one’s husband – оставить мужа My Husband doesn’t cook Мой муж не готовит. She lied to her Husband. Она солгала мужу. She cheats on her Husband. Она изменяет своему мужу....
32. The homework schedule Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend […]...
33. Him and Her The Perfect Day – Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunbathe 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 Shopping 2:30 Run into boyfriend’s/husband’s ex and notice she’s gained 30 lbs 3:00 Facial, massage, nap 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and […]...
34. A man running a little behind schedule arrives A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying […]...
35. A folk remedy A man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she […]...
36. The newly married man came home from work The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee. “Guess what I got planned for dinner?” she asked seductively. “And don’t you dare tell me you had it for lunch today.”...
37. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. […]...
38. Strategy The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married. As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug store, a co-worker said, “In the past 3 weeks you’ve […]...
39. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
40. It’s dark in here A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there […]...