He’s drunk at the bar

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1. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy barOne night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the — influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat ... Читать далее...
2. There was a drunk man walking down the street turningThere was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, «Sir, what are you doing?» The drunk replied, «I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.» The police officer ... Читать далее...
3. Test for being drunkA police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, «Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.» The man says, «Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have ... Читать далее...
4. Trust a fellow officerA defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer ... Читать далее...
5. Getting MuggedVanessa: Stop thief! Police Officer: What happened? Vanessa: I just got Mugged. That guy stole my Purse, Jewelry, camera – all of my Valuables! Police Officer: Were you wearing Flashy jewelry and carrying an expensive camera? Those are big Enticements for muggers. Vanessa: I didn’t have anything on that was flashy and I was Minding ... Читать далее...
6. Cop wants an excuseA man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks «I can outrun this guy,» so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway — ... Читать далее...
7. Getting a Traffic TicketI was driving down the street when I saw a Police car behind me. Suddenly, it turned on its Siren. I realized that I was Being pulled over. Officer: Can I see your Driver’s license, Registration, and Proof of insurance? Ray: Sure. Here you are, officer. Officer: Did you know that you were Speeding? You ... Читать далее...
8. Time for the weddingA police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said to keep quiet! You’re ... Читать далее...
9. Too much speedingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But, officer,» the man began, «I can explain» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say» «And I said ... Читать далее...
10. Chief is at a weddingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said ... Читать далее...
11. Radar Gun ErrorAn off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a ... Читать далее...
12. I know you were drunk yesterdayA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his ... Читать далее...
13. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
14. Touring WashingtonA blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, «Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?» The officer replied, «Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова curbCurb — обуздывать, сдерживать Перевод слова To put a curb on one’s anger — сдерживать гнев to put a curb on smb.’s spending — резко ограничить чьи-л. расходы to curb inflation — сдерживать инфляцию Pills designed to Curb your appetite. Таблетки предназначены, чтобы обуздать аппетит. Liberal import policies will Curb smuggling. Либеральное регулирование импорта воспрепятствует ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова officerOfficer — офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer — помощник должностного лица customs officer — таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer — офицер запаса flying control officer — диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of ... Читать далее...
17. Driving home very drunkIt seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before ... Читать далее...
18. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
19. Obey the speed limitSitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, «This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!»So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы trip up[trip up] {v.} 1. To make unsteady on the feet; cause tomiss a step, stumble, or fall. A root tripped Billy up while he wasrunning in the woods, and he fell and hurt his ankle. 2. To cause to make a mistake. The teacher asked tricky questions inthe test to trip up students who were ... Читать далее...
21. Things that are difficult to say when you are drunkTHINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex Nope, no more booze for me ... Читать далее...
22. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they wereThree guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and ... Читать далее...
23. They are stopped by the policeJohn & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, «I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.» Just ... Читать далее...
24. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
25. Being Arrested by the PoliceI was walking down the street Minding my own business one evening when I was stopped by a Police officer. After asking me a couple of questions about where I’d been, he told me to put my hands behind my back. He was going To arrest me! He Handcuffed me and gave me the Miranda ... Читать далее...
26. The new metro cop pulled a speeder who wasThe new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue. «Can I see your license and registration, bub?», the cop inquired. «But officer,» the fellow started, «I can explain…» «Shut yer trap, bub!» snapped the officer. «You’re going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.» «But, officer, I think ... Читать далее...
27. There was a man and woman traveling along in their carThere was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says «Did you know you were speeding back there.» The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband «What did he say, what did ... Читать далее...
28. A police officer came upon a terrible wreckA police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said «I wish you could talk.» The monkey looked up at ... Читать далее...
29. Catch a drunk driverTwo rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said «Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!» «Don’t worry, Bubba,» Earl said. «We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel ... Читать далее...
30. The woman is on fireA lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. ... Читать далее...
31. Being ClumsyEdward: Would you dance with me? Bella: Me? I’d like to, but I don’t dance. Edward: Why? Bella: I Have two left feet. I’m so Clumsy, first I’d step all over your feet, and then I’d Stumble all over the dance floor. Edward: I don’t believe that. I bet you’re very Graceful on the dance ... Читать далее...
32. Bar HoppingA Bunch of my old college friends Came into town for a few days and we went out last night Bar hopping until Closing time. We started around 9 p. m. and Were on our third bar when we Closed it down. Some of us were Starving and the rest of us were Peckish so ... Читать далее...
33. Going Through CustomsCustoms Officer: Your Passports, please. What is your Final destination? Ozkan: Los Angeles. Customs Officer: How long is your Stay? Ozkan: We’ll be there for a week. Customs Officer: What is the purpose of your trip? Ozkan: I’m going there on Business and my family is Accompanying me on vacation. Customs Officer: Who are you ... Читать далее...
34. Drunk orders himself a beerA man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink — he could ... Читать далее...
35. The reason for runningA police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, «It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give ... Читать далее...
36. Handling a Traffic StopI was having a great day until I saw the police car behind me with its loud Siren and lights Flashing. I Pulled off the road and waited for the officer to approach my car. Officer: May I see your Driver’s license, proof of insurance, and Car registration, please? Lindsay: Let me get them out ... Читать далее...
37. Dealing with troubleA deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The «disturbance» turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too. Said the policeman, «I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist-probably better than ... Читать далее...
38. A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcutA drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and ... Читать далее...
39. A girl called the police department and reported thatA girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, «When did this happen?» She replied, «Last week.» The police then asked, «Why did you wait until now to report it?» Well,» she said. «I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.»...
40. Don’t say this to a copThe top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 18. Aren’t you the guy from the villiage people? 17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 ... Читать далее...