George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IV

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1. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IGeorge Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re ... Читать далее...
2. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IIUse computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like «work» to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would ... Читать далее...
3. Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail MessageI hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. ... Читать далее...
4. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IIIMessy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you ... Читать далее...
5. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard VIAppear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e. ... Читать далее...
6. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IXBuild Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive....
7. Using EmailOne of the first things I do Each morning is to Check my email. I Open the email Program on my computer and I Check for new Messages. It usually takes only a few seconds for my new messages to Download from the Server into my Inbox unless there’s a large Attachment. I can then ... Читать далее...
8. Being Pestered on the PhoneGisele: Our phone has been Ringing off the hook all weekend. What’s the deal? Nobu: I think it’s Jeanine. Gisele: Jeanine…Jeanine…Is that the woman you’ve been Going out with? Nobu: Yeah, it’s her. I tried To let her down easy, but she’s not Taking the hint. Gisele: I see. That’s why you’ve been Screening calls. ... Читать далее...
9. Answering Machine MessagesI got two tickets to a Show at the last minute and I tried to find someone to go with me. First, I called Amanda. The phone Rang and rang and then her answering machine Picked up. «Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon ... Читать далее...
10. The crusty old managing partner finally passed awayThe crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. «I’m sorry, he’s dead,» was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. ... Читать далее...
11. Taking a Phone MessageI was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. As soon as I walked in the door, though, the phone rang. Paolo: Hello. Evelyn: Hi, Could I speak to Tony? Paolo: He’s not here right now. Can I take a message? Evelyn: Do you know when he’ll be back? Paolo: No, I don’t. Evelyn: ... Читать далее...
12. Pest-by-ModemHere’s how to be a pest-by-modem: *Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re «hep» to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to ... Читать далее...
13. Anybody Home?A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, «Hello?» Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, «Is ... Читать далее...
14. Working on CommissionDennis: I just got a new Sales job and I’m going to be Making a bundle. Irene: What kind of job is it? Dennis: I’ll be Working strictly on commission. The more I sell, the more I earn. It’s a great opportunity for someone with my talents in sales. Irene: I know you’re great at ... Читать далее...
15. Working With The FBIThe phone rings at FBI headquarters. «Hello?» «Hello, is this the FBI?» «Yes. What do you want?» «I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.» «Thank you very much for the call, sir.» The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where ... Читать далее...
16. Keeping a high profile in an officeNever write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you’re ready. Don’t sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up louder! Try to talk with _at least_ three people between ... Читать далее...
17. The Working Day of an EngineerВ топике Рабочий день инженера – я рассказываю о своем друге, инженере, работающем в одном из офисов Владивостока. Он работает по будням, его рабочий день длится 8 часов, в течение которых мой друг встречается с зарубежными специалистами, помогает начинающим инженерам, отвечает на запросы с других предприятий. Дмитрий очень любит свою работу, ведь она помогла ему ... Читать далее...
18. A Vital Part of Daily Life: Mobile PhonesMobile phones have changed people’s lives. They give us an opportunity to stay in touch and to be reachable everywhere. If you are going to be late, you can just call your relatives, friends or colleagues or send them a text message. It is very easy and comfortable, especially for the busy modern lifestyle. So ... Читать далее...
19. Phone joke IIOne night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won’t recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number ... Читать далее...
20. Workplace insanityHOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. Make ... Читать далее...
21. Telemarketers go awayHow to Make a Telemarketer Go Away 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, «How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my ... Читать далее...
22. Working from a Home OfficeAdrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people ... Читать далее...
23. Junk mailTwo teachers at my high school started a practical joke war that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions. They finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped, EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up for. He wrote (honestly) that he had ... Читать далее...
24. The last day working«You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……» You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, «What’s this?», you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, «I waited on the last fat ugly old ... Читать далее...
25. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes VirusIt turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы within call[within call] or [within hail] {adv. phr.} 1. Near enough to heareach other’s voices. When the two ships were within hail, theirofficers exchanged messages. Billy’s mother told him to staywithin call because supper was nearly ready. 2. In a place where youcan be reached by phone, radio, or TV and be called. The sick manwas ... Читать далее...
27. Signs Technology Took Over Your Life1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is ... Читать далее...
28. My friend is dead!Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: ... Читать далее...
29. A customer sent an order to a distributorA customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, «We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.» The next day ... Читать далее...
30. Working With Unreliable PeoplePaul: What time is it? Jackie: It’s 2:30. The Cleveland office report should have been emailed to us by the end of the workday yesterday. What are we supposed to do now? Paul: If we don’t get their report, we’ll have To hold up the production of the Annual report and if that happens, somebody’s ... Читать далее...
31. Разговор по телефону на английском языкеОсновные фразы на английском языке, которые часто употребляются в телефонном разговоре. This is… С Вами говорит… I have to give a phone call. Мне нужно позвонить. Please, may I use your phone? Я могу воспользоваться Вашим телефоном? Please, may I use your telephone directory? Можно воспользоваться Вашим телефонным справочником? Hello, may I speak to Mr. ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова phonePhone — телефон, звонить по телефону Перевод слова Phone booth — телефонная будка to leave the phone off the hook — не повесить телефонную трубку to call smb. to the phone — пригласить кого-л. к телефону to speak on the phone — говорить по телефону Can you get the Phone? Можешь принести телефон? I’ll Phone ... Читать далее...
33. A Call from a TelemarketerDoris: Hello. Telemarketer: Hello, may I speak to The lady of the house? Doris: What is this regarding? Telemarketer: I’m calling from Cheetam Cable Company and we have a very special offer. This month only, you can get a Bundle of services for the low, low price of $69.99! This offer… Doris: Thank you, but ... Читать далее...
34. A Call from a TelemarketerDoris: Hello. Telemarketer: Hello, may I speak to The lady of the house? Doris: What is this regarding? Telemarketer: I’m calling from Cheetam Cable Company and we have a very special offer. This month only, you can get a Bundle of services for the low, low price of $69.99! This offer… Doris: Thank you, but ... Читать далее...
35. Working With the IT DepartmentWhenever I have a Technology problem at work, I try to solve it myself. It’s not that I know a lot of about technology. In fact, the Opposite is true. I’m Pretty much a Computer illiterate, but I still try. Why do I Bother? The answer is the IT department in my company. Every time ... Читать далее...
36. Reasons to stay at work all night1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to «chrysanthemum». 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw ... Читать далее...
37. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physicalHillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: «How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on ... Читать далее...
38. Working in a Bad EconomyShivon: This bad Economy is really Taking its toll. Lex: Tell me about it! My company has already Laid off 20% of its Workforce, and now the management is talking about cutting Salaries. It goes without saying that there won’t be any Bonuses this year. Shivon: What are you complaining about? At least you still ... Читать далее...
39. An Annoying Cell Phone UserCarl: I’m sorry, say that again. I couldn’t hear you Over that guy at the next table Shouting into his cell phone. Stephanie: That guy is so Rude. We’re trying to have a Leisurely conversation over a cup of coffee, and we have To out shout some Inconsiderate jerk. Carl: Do you think he realizes ... Читать далее...
40. Using the TelephoneCharles: I don’t know how long this Power outage is going to last. Do you think we should call Elizabeth to tell her we’ll be late for dinner? Jane: That’s a good idea. Do you know her Phone number offhand? Charles: No, I don’t, and I can’t look it up in my Address book or ... Читать далее...