George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IV

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1. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re […]...
2. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard II Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would […]...
3. Recording an Outgoing Voice Mail Message I hate the sound of my own voice. I always have. When I’m speaking to an audience, I always sound Forced and Unnatural. So when we had To set up our new Voice mail system’s Outgoing message, it took me a few Tries to get it right: “Hello, you’ve reached Martin Navra at McQ Corp. […]...
4. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard III Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you […]...
5. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard VI Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e. […]...
6. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IX Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive....
7. Using Email One of the first things I do Each morning is to Check my email. I Open the email Program on my computer and I Check for new Messages. It usually takes only a few seconds for my new messages to Download from the Server into my Inbox unless there’s a large Attachment. I can then […]...
8. Pest-by-Modem Here’s how to be a pest-by-modem: *Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re “hep” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to […]...
9. Working on Commission Dennis: I just got a new Sales job and I’m going to be Making a bundle. Irene: What kind of job is it? Dennis: I’ll be Working strictly on commission. The more I sell, the more I earn. It’s a great opportunity for someone with my talents in sales. Irene: I know you’re great at […]...
10. Being Pestered on the Phone Gisele: Our phone has been Ringing off the hook all weekend. What’s the deal? Nobu: I think it’s Jeanine. Gisele: Jeanine…Jeanine…Is that the woman you’ve been Going out with? Nobu: Yeah, it’s her. I tried To let her down easy, but she’s not Taking the hint. Gisele: I see. That’s why you’ve been Screening calls. […]...
11. The last day working “You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……” You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old […]...
12. The Working Day of an Engineer В топике Рабочий день инженера – я рассказываю о своем друге, инженере, работающем в одном из офисов Владивостока. Он работает по будням, его рабочий день длится 8 часов, в течение которых мой друг встречается с зарубежными специалистами, помогает начинающим инженерам, отвечает на запросы с других предприятий. Дмитрий очень любит свою работу, ведь она помогла ему […]...
13. The crusty old managing partner finally passed away The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. […]...
14. Answering Machine Messages I got two tickets to a Show at the last minute and I tried to find someone to go with me. First, I called Amanda. The phone Rang and rang and then her answering machine Picked up. “Hi, I’m not in right now. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you as soon […]...
15. Workplace insanity HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. Make […]...
16. Telemarketers go away How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, “How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my […]...
17. Перевод слова ignore Ignore – игнорировать, не замечать Перевод слова To ignore rude remarks – не обращать внимания на грубые замечания to ignore the pain – не замечать боли to ignore an invitation – не ответить на приглашение I chose to Ignore his advice. Я решил не слушать его советов. I’ll Ignore that last remark. Я проигнорирую последнее […]...
18. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all […]...
19. Taking a Phone Message I was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. As soon as I walked in the door, though, the phone rang. Paolo: Hello. Evelyn: Hi, Could I speak to Tony? Paolo: He’s not here right now. Can I take a message? Evelyn: Do you know when he’ll be back? Paolo: No, I don’t. Evelyn: […]...
20. Перевод слова involve Involve – вовлекать, влечь за собой Перевод слова To involve a nation in war – вовлечь страну в войну holidays involve expense – праздники связаны с затратами it involves trouble – это чревато неприятностями Try to Involve as many children as possible in the game. Постарайтесь вовлечь в игру как можно больше детей. What will […]...
21. Junk mail Two teachers at my high school started a practical joke war that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions. They finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped, EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up for. He wrote (honestly) that he had […]...
22. Working With The FBI The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this the FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where […]...
23. Перевод слова limit Limit – предел, граница, лимит; ограничивать Перевод слова Age limit – возрастной предел to limit one’s desires – ограничивать свои желания limit of elasticity – предел упругости to exceed a limit – выходить за пределы, переступать границы That’s the Limit! Это переходит все границы!, Это уж слишком! Seating is Limited to 500. Количество мест ограничено […]...
24. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you […]...
25. A Vital Part of Daily Life: Mobile Phones Mobile phones have changed people’s lives. They give us an opportunity to stay in touch and to be reachable everywhere. If you are going to be late, you can just call your relatives, friends or colleagues or send them a text message. It is very easy and comfortable, especially for the busy modern lifestyle. So […]...
26. Phone joke II One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won’t recognize your voices is always a good choice. When the person answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that sounds real). Insist that you have the right number […]...
27. Reasons to stay at work all night 1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”. 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw […]...
28. The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn’t concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone […]...
29. Working With Unreliable People Paul: What time is it? Jackie: It’s 2:30. The Cleveland office report should have been emailed to us by the end of the workday yesterday. What are we supposed to do now? Paul: If we don’t get their report, we’ll have To hold up the production of the Annual report and if that happens, somebody’s […]...
30. Перевод слова message Message – сообщение, письмо; идея Перевод слова Clear message – ясное сообщение coded message – закодированное сообщение a book without a message – несерьезная книга Did you get my Message? Вам передали то, что я просил? I will bear your Message. Я передам вашу информацию. I texted a Message to her. Я написала ей сообщение. […]...
31. Working in a Bad Economy Shivon: This bad Economy is really Taking its toll. Lex: Tell me about it! My company has already Laid off 20% of its Workforce, and now the management is talking about cutting Salaries. It goes without saying that there won’t be any Bonuses this year. Shivon: What are you complaining about? At least you still […]...
32. Working in a Dead End Job Agency employee: Tell me why you’d like to sign up with our Employment agency. Kurt: Well, right now I’m working in a Dead end job. There are no opportunities for Advancement. I’m already at the top of the Pay scale, so there’s no chance of another Pay raise. Agency employee: Okay, I’d like to find […]...
33. Using an Online Email Program Luigi: What do you think of this new Email program? Selma: I don’t know yet. I just started using it. The Interface is pretty Intuitive, but I haven’t figured out how To sort my Inbox by date. Luigi: That’s easy. Let me show you. All you have to do is hit one of these buttons […]...
34. Working in the garden A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! […]...
35. Значение идиомы within call [within call] or [within hail] {adv. phr.} 1. Near enough to heareach other’s voices. When the two ships were within hail, theirofficers exchanged messages. Billy’s mother told him to staywithin call because supper was nearly ready. 2. In a place where youcan be reached by phone, radio, or TV and be called. The sick manwas […]...
36. Working as a Lobbyist Cody: You’re not the kind of person I would expect to work as a Lobbyist. Jada: Why not? Cody: I Picture lobbyists as being kind of Pushy and Corrupt, using Underhanded tactics. Jada: It’s not like that at all, at least not for me. I just use my Powers of persuasion to help my clients. […]...
37. A Call from a Telemarketer Doris: Hello. Telemarketer: Hello, may I speak to The lady of the house? Doris: What is this regarding? Telemarketer: I’m calling from Cheetam Cable Company and we have a very special offer. This month only, you can get a Bundle of services for the low, low price of $69.99! This offer… Doris: Thank you, but […]...
38. A Call from a Telemarketer Doris: Hello. Telemarketer: Hello, may I speak to The lady of the house? Doris: What is this regarding? Telemarketer: I’m calling from Cheetam Cable Company and we have a very special offer. This month only, you can get a Bundle of services for the low, low price of $69.99! This offer… Doris: Thank you, but […]...
39. Trying to Get Off the Phone Erin: So I told Joey that I had no Intention of letting him use my car again. Can you believe The nerve of that guy, after what he did? Curran: That’s terrible, but I’m going to have To let you go. I have an appointment… Erin: But I didn’t tell you what else he said. […]...
40. Top 9 Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your Internet Password 9. E-mail flames from some guy named “Fluffy.” 8. Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. 7. You find you’ve been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt. recreational. catnip. 6. Your mouse has teeth marks in it… and a strange aroma of tuna. 5. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computers, Inc. about thier release of “CyberDog.” […]...