Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Change my mind

Change my mind

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, «I give ten dollars.» Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. «I give a thousand dollars!» The minister said, «Lord, hit him again!»



Устойчивые выражения с глаголом to do.
Упражнения на правила чтения по английски.

Related topics:

  1. The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacherThe congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said «Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now.» More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their ... Читать далее...
  2. Перевод слова ceilingCeiling — потолок Перевод слова Ceiling with timbers — балочный потолок ceiling fan — потолочный вентилятор low ceiling — низкий потолок The house has low Ceilings. В доме низкие потолки. A «Ceiling» was set upon all commodity prices. На все товары широкого потребления установлен потолок цен. Mind your head — the Ceiling’s a bit low. ... Читать далее...
  3. Значение идиомы give one a piece of one’s mind[give one a piece of one’s mind] {v. phr.}, {informal} To scoldangrily; say what you really think to. Mr. Allen gave theother driver a piece of his mind. The sergeant gave the soldier apiece of his mind for not cleaning his boots. Syn.: TELL OFF. Compare: BAWL OUT, DRESS DOWN, GIVE IT TO, TONGUE LASHING....
  4. The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermonThe minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn’t concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone ... Читать далее...
  5. Значение идиомы change one’s mind[change one’s mind] {v. phr.} To alter one’s opinion or judgment on a given issue. I used to hate Chicago, but as the years passed I gradually changed my mind and now I actually love living here....
  6. Перевод идиомы give someone a piece of one’s mind, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: give someone a piece of one’s mind Перевод: сказать, выложить все, что говорящий о ком-либо или чем-либо думает; высказать свое недовольство Пример: When I met my friend yesterday, I gave her a piece of my mind. Когда я встретила вчера свою подругу, я высказала ей свое недовольство....
  7. Some things never changeI guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn. She said, «Well… the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week.» I told her I’d give her that much with ... Читать далее...
  8. Перевод идиомы change one’s mind, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: change one’s mind Перевод: поменять, изменить решение, передумать Пример: My friend changed his mind and said that he would not go to the movie tonight. Мой друг поменял свое решение и сказал, что не пойдет сегодня вечером в кино....
  9. The wrong definitionWay down in the deep south, in an area known as the ‘Bible Belt,’ there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, «Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!» The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, «One of you, here ... Читать далее...
  10. UCLA Computer ClubThis one hasn’t come up despite the presence of UCLA on the net. I’m led to the sad conclusion that the tradition has died. In the mid ’70s, just before it was overrun by fanatic Dungeons Dragons ™ players, the UCLA Computer Club was host to a long series of «glitter traps.» Example: joke subject ... Читать далее...
  11. Giving Warnings and CautionsBrett: Hi, Mom. Come in. Welcome to my new place. My roommates aren’t here right now or I’d introduce you. Mom: Hi, dear. This is…uh…nice. Brett: It is, isn’t it? I know you were a little worried about me Moving out and into a house with five roommates. But as you can see, this is ... Читать далее...
  12. Перевод слова fundFund — запас, резерв, фонд Перевод слова Guarantee fund — гарантийный фонд the fund of a bank — капитал банка to invest funds — делать капиталовложения The Funds run out. Деньги кончаются. The comedian had a large Fund of jokes. Комик обладал большим запасом шуток. The money went into a common Fund. Эта сумма пошла ... Читать далее...
  13. Значение идиомы piece[piece] See: BY THE PIECE, CONVERSATION PIECE, GIVE A PIECE OFONE’S MIND, GO TO PIECES, OF A PIECE, PIECE OF CAKE, SAY ONE’S PIECEor SPEAK ONE’S PIECE, TO PIECES....
  14. Перевод слова annualAnnual — ежегодный, годовой Перевод слова Annual bonus — ежегодная премия annual budget — ежегодный бюджет annual earnings — ежегодная прибыль annual function — ежегодный прием Each worker receives an Annual bonus. Каждый работник получает ежегодный бонус. The company’s Annual sales turnover is around $300 million. Годовой товарооборот компании составляет около 300 млн. долл....
  15. Перевод идиомы speak one’s piece / speak one’s mind, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: speak one’s piece / speak one’s mind Перевод: говорить откровенно, начистоту; говорить все, как есть Пример: I think that it is time for me to speak my piece and tell somebody about my complaints about our company. Наверное, теперь и мне пора сказать то, что я думаю и пожаловаться кому-нибудь на нашу компанию....
  16. Значение идиомы mind[mind] See: CROSS ONE’S MIND or PASS THROUGH ONE’S MIND, GIVE APIECE OF ONE’S MIND, HALF A MIND, IN MIND, IN ONE’S MIND’S EYE, MAKEUP ONE’S MIND, NEVER MIND, ON ONE’S MIND, OUT OF ONE’S HEAD or OUT OFONE’S MIND, PUT IN MIND OF, READ ONE’S MIND....
  17. A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
  18. An unfortunate coincidenceOne day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. «Reverend,» she said, «I have a problem—my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?» «I have an idea,» said the minister. «Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell ... Читать далее...
  19. Flying in the planeSue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, «No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.» The years ... Читать далее...
  20. Значение идиомы speak one’s mind[speak one’s mind] {v. phr.} To say openly what you think; giveadvice that may not be liked. John thought it was wrong to keepGeorge out of the club and he spoke his mind about it. Compare: SOUNDOFF....
  21. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of theTwo priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god ... Читать далее...
  22. The RabbiThere is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up ... Читать далее...
  23. A man was leaving church one dayA man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, «You need to join the Army of the Lord!» The man replied, «I’m ... Читать далее...
  24. Visiting Churches, Mosques, and TemplesCassius: You’ll need To cover up if you want to go in there. This is a House of worship. Brittany: All right, if you say so. I don’t really want to go into this Mosque or Temple or whatever it is. Cassius: Keep your voice down. Can’t you see that there are people at the ... Читать далее...
  25. Divine RightSeveral years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest ... Читать далее...
  26. Значение идиомы head over heels[head over heels] also [heels over head] 1a. In a somersault;upside down; head first. It was so dark Bob fell head over heelsinto a big hole in the ground. Compare: UPSIDE DOWN. 1b. In greatconfusion or disorder; hastily. The children all tried to come inthe door at once, head over heels. Compare: TOPSY-TURVY. 2.{informal} Completely; ... Читать далее...
  27. A Change Of VowsDuring the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. «Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d ... Читать далее...
  28. Перевод слова churchChurch — церковь Перевод слова To consecrate a church — освящать церковь to go into the church — принимать духовный сан as poor as a church mouse — бедный, как церковная мышь The Church burnt to the ground. Церковь сгорела дотла. It sounds like the Church bells. Похоже на перезвон колоколов. The Church is seeking ... Читать далее...
  29. Elderly romanceThere’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, «For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my ... Читать далее...
  30. Значение идиомы head[head] See: ACID HEAD, BEAT INTO ONE’S HEAD, BEAT ONE’S HEADAGAINST A WALL, BIG HEAD, COUNT HEADS, EYES IN THE BACK OF ONE’S HEAD, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET THROUGH ONE’S HEAD, GOOD HEAD ON ONE’SSHOULDERS, GO TO ONE’S HEAD, HANG ONE’S HEAD, HAVE ONE’S HEAD IN THESAND, HAVE ROCKS IN ONE’S HEAD, HEAP COALS ... Читать далее...
  31. Значение идиомы presence of mind[presence of mind] {n. phr.} Effective and quick decision-makingability in times of crisis. When Jimmy fell into the river, hisfather had the presence of mind to dive in after him and save him fromdrowning....
  32. Значение идиомы speak for[speak for] {v.} 1. To speak in favor of or in support of. Atthe meeting John spoke for the change in the rules. The othergirls made jokes about Jane, but Mary spoke for her. 2. To make arequest for; to ask for. The teacher was giving away some books. Fred and Charlie spoke for the ... Читать далее...
  33. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
  34. One night, at the lodge of a hunting clubOne night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, «See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire — place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.» ... Читать далее...
  35. Humor about Irish MarriagesSome years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving ... Читать далее...
  36. Developing a Healthy MindLorelai: I just finished reading a book about how To get the most out of life. Starting today, I’m going to Live life to its fullest. Luke: Oh no, not another one of your Fads. Weren’t you eating only blue — and red-colored foods a couple of months ago? Lorelai: This is not a fad! ... Читать далее...
  37. Перевод идиомы put one’s mind to something / set one’s mind to something, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: put one’s mind to something / set one’s mind to something Перевод: сосредоточиться на чем-либо, вложить много сил в выполнение чего-либо Пример: If you put your mind to it, you could have the job finished by noon. Если ты сильно постараешься, то сможешь закончить работу до полудня....
  38. Three calamitiesThree guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second ... Читать далее...
  39. Значение идиомы how about[how about] or [what about] {interrog.} — Used to ask for adecision, action, opinion, or explanation. 1. Will you have or agreeon? How about another piece of pie? What about a game oftennis? How about going to the dance with me Saturday? 2. Willyou lend or give me? How about five dollars until Friday? Whatabout ... Читать далее...
  40. Значение идиомы by the piece[by the piece] {adv. phr.} Counted one piece at a time, separately for each single piece. John bought boxes full of bags of potato chips and sold them by the piece. Mary made potholders and got paid by the piece....

Change my mind