And yet another college dorm joke

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1. College dorm joke Two very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each other. Dave got a piece of 1/2″ rope and tied their doors together with about a 6″ gap of slack. Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on both doors. Interesting way to wake up…having two steaming mad football jerks slamming each other’s doors […]...
2. Yet another dorm joke Here’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we […]...
3. College dining halls This reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining hall in my undergrad days. The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough. PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( […]...
4. College bar joke When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the […]...
5. College Dorm On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the […]...
6. Gas-tank joke This practical joke is hearsay. A fellow student some years ago related the following. Apparently another student was a bit of a braggar. His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got. So it began one evening. Fill up a one-gallon container of gas each night and […]...
7. More dorm jokes I can’t resist a few: 1. Once you have stolen a dormmate’s room keys, the room is yours to plunder. As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock (so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer who got this down to about 20 seconds. Then loudly announce to […]...
8. College cafeteria joke Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), […]...
9. Egg joke In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the […]...
10. Showering: Men v. Women How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more […]...
11. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
12. Outhouse joke A few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced to […]...
13. Giving Warnings and Cautions Brett: Hi, Mom. Come in. Welcome to my new place. My roommates aren’t here right now or I’d introduce you. Mom: Hi, dear. This is…uh…nice. Brett: It is, isn’t it? I know you were a little worried about me Moving out and into a house with five roommates. But as you can see, this is […]...
14. Значение идиомы at sight [at sight] or [on sight] {adv. phr.} 1. The first time the person or thing is seen; as soon as the person or thing is seen. Firstgraders learn to read many words on sight. Mary had seen many pictures of Grandfather, so she knew him on sight. Compare: AT ONCE. 2. On demand, on asking […]...
15. Пословица / поговорка out of sight, out of mind – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: out of sight, out of mind Перевод: с глаз долой, из сердца вон Пример: The little boy was out of sight and out of mind until his mother discovered that he had emptied all of the shampoo containers into the toilet. Маленький мальчик не маячил перед глазами и не мешался, пока его […]...
16. Значение идиомы take aim [take aim] {v. phr.} To get ready to hit, throw at, or shoot at bysighting carefully. When the captain orders “Take aim,” raise yourgun to your shoulder and sight along the barrel at the target. Before the hunter could take aim, the deer jumped out of sight....
17. Time Off from Work My buddy from college, Jack, was getting married and our friend Rob was planning a Bachelor party for him in Vegas. It was going to be the Last weekend of the month and I wanted to go. The trouble was, I was scheduled to work that weekend. I needed to get the Time off from […]...
18. This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, “Where are you going?” He said, “I’m going to the doctor.” And she said, “Why? Are you sick?” “No,” he said. “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.” So his wife got up out […]...
19. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He […]...
20. Перевод слова sick Sick – больной, болезненный Перевод слова Sick condition – болезненное состояние sick years – годы болезни to heal the sick – лечить больных He is off Sick today. Его сегодня нет, он болеет. He was Sick in the car. В машине его стошнило. You’re Sick! Вы ненормальный!...
21. Перевод слова hall Hall – зал, холл Перевод слова Concert hall – концертный зал dance hall – дансинг, танцевальный зал music hall – мюзик-холл lecture hall – конференц-зал, аудитория The Hall was half-empty. Зал был наполовину пуст. This Hall will seat 5000. В этом зале 5000 мест. He stopped amidmost of the Hall. Он остановился посреди зала....
22. Перевод слова bathroom Bathroom – ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment – сантехника hog the bathroom – занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod – санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова […]...
23. Перевод слова victim Victim – жертва, потерпевший Перевод слова The victim of malice – жертва недоброжелательства the victim of his own folly – жертва собственной глупости earthquake victim – жертва землетрясения He was the Victim of an error. Он был жертвой ошибки. He was the Victim of a freak accident. Он стал жертвой странного происшествия. The Victim was […]...
24. A Practical Joke Joey: I’ve had it! I’m not going to Take it anymore. Rachel: What’s the matter? Joey: I’m sick and tired of Being the butt of Chandler’s Practical jokes. One of these days, he’s really going to get someone hurt. Rachel: Oh, no. What has he done now? Joey: I went back to my office after […]...
25. Being a Bachelor Iris: I’m thinking of inviting Simone and Jerry over for dinner. Alex: This isn’t another attempt at Matchmaking, is it? Jerry is a Confirmed bachelor and he’s not Looking to marry or become involved in a relationship. Iris: He’s not a confirmed bachelor. In this neighborhood with so many single women, he’s an Eligible bachelor. […]...
26. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
27. Перевод слова sight Sight – взгляд, зрение; увидеть, обнаружить Перевод слова Long sight – дальнозоркость short sight – близорукость in my sight – у меня на глазах love at first sight – любовь с первого взгляда Out of Sight, out of mind. посл. С глаз долой – из сердца вон. Out of my Sight! Прочь с глаз моих! […]...
28. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
29. Dropping Out of College Aaron: Mom, I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it. Margo: What is it? Aaron: I’m Dropping out of college. I want to get out into The real world and get a job. I’m wasting time in school. Margo: You’ll get a better job if you stay in school and […]...
30. Where is my goat There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched […]...
31. On their first night to be together On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. […]...
32. Перевод слова shower Shower – душ, ливень; осыпать, литься ливнем Перевод слова Shower cubicle – душевая кабина shower of abuse – поток брани, ругательств to be caught in a shower – попасть под ливень it is showering – льет как из ведра Mike shaved and Showered. Майк побрился и принял душ She Showered him with kisses. Она осыпала […]...
33. Paying for College Chris: Which colleges are you applying to? Marcella: None. I can’t afford to go to college. Even if I lived at home, Tuition, fees, and books are just too expensive. Chris: You could apply for Financial aid. Marcella: I don’t want to get a bunch of Loans and be In debt for the next 10 […]...
34. A regular Friday night poker game A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. “Roger, listen,” he told the host, “Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife.” “OK, that’s it, guys,” Roger said. “This is positively the last deal.”...
35. Значение идиомы lose sight of [lose sight of] {v. phr.} 1. Not to be able to see any longer. Ilost sight of Mary in the crowd. I watched the plane go higher andhigher until I lost sight of it. Contrast: CATCH SIGHT OF. 2. Toforget; overlook. Johnny was so interested in the game he lostsight of the time. No matter […]...
36. One night, at the lodge of a hunting club One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire – place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” […]...
37. College student 3D prints his own braces Amos Dudley wears his skills in his smile. The digital design major has been straightening his top teeth for the past 16 weeks using clear braces he made himself. “I’m still wearing the last one,” Dudley told CNNMoney on Tuesday. “The last one” refers to the twelfth and final straightening tray in his self-designed treatment. […]...
38. Doctor and engineer A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic […]...
39. Chinese Fire Drill One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don’t quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and […]...
40. Значение идиомы catch sight of [catch sight of] {v. phr.} To see suddenly or unexpectedly. Allan caught sight of a kingbird in a maple tree. Contrast: LOSE SIGHT OF....