And yet another college dorm joke

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1. Yet another dorm jokeHere’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we ... Читать далее...
2. College dorm jokeTwo very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each other. Dave got a piece of 1/2″ rope and tied their doors together with about a 6″ gap of slack. Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on both doors. Interesting way to wake up…having two steaming mad football jerks slamming each other’s doors ... Читать далее...
3. Gas-tank jokeThis practical joke is hearsay. A fellow student some years ago related the following. Apparently another student was a bit of a braggar. His favourite topic was his car, and one sub-topic was the terrific gas milage (pre-metric) it got. So it began one evening. Fill up a one-gallon container of gas each night and ... Читать далее...
4. Chinese Fire DrillOne joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don’t quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and ... Читать далее...
5. College bar jokeWhen I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the ... Читать далее...
6. College dining hallsThis reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining hall in my undergrad days. The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough. PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( ... Читать далее...
7. College DormOn the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: «The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.» He continued, «Anybody caught breaking this rule the ... Читать далее...
8. The Comedy ClubOn Friday night, I went with a group of friends from work to a comedy club. I don’t really like Sketch comedy, but I do like Stand-up, and the comedian who was going to perform there was one of my favorites. There were six of us and we were a pretty Rowdy group. We stood ... Читать далее...
9. More dorm jokesI can’t resist a few: 1. Once you have stolen a dormmate’s room keys, the room is yours to plunder. As a variation, steal the dorm keys but reverse the lock (so the keyhole faces INTO the room); we had a mechanical engineer who got this down to about 20 seconds. Then loudly announce to ... Читать далее...
10. A Practical JokeJoey: I’ve had it! I’m not going to Take it anymore. Rachel: What’s the matter? Joey: I’m sick and tired of Being the butt of Chandler’s Practical jokes. One of these days, he’s really going to get someone hurt. Rachel: Oh, no. What has he done now? Joey: I went back to my office after ... Читать далее...
11. College cafeteria jokeSeven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), ... Читать далее...
12. Egg jokeIn a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова needlessNeedless — ненужный, излишний, бесполезный Перевод слова Needless work — бесполезная работа needless trouble — ненужные хлопоты needless cruelty — бессмысленная жестокость It is Needless to dilate. Нет нужды распространяться об этом. The tenant went to very Needless expense. Арендатор пошел на абсолютно ненужные расходы. Charles hates Needless waste. Карл ненавидит непроизводительные затраты. Происхождение слова ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова recallRecall — отозвать, возвращать, вспоминать Перевод слова Beyond recall — не могущий быть отмененным to recall an ambassador — отозвать посла I don’t recall his name — я не припоминаю его фамилию She was Recalled by a loud laugh. Она запомнилась громким смехом. The furnishings Recall the 1960s. Мебель напоминает о 1960-х годах. The admiral ... Читать далее...
15. Practical JokeA couple was planning on getting married. Seeing how they didn’t have much money to go on a honeymoon, they decided tojust go back to their new apartment after the wedding. The groom had three close friends, that were prone to committing practical jokes. One being a carpenter, the other a ordinary guy, and the ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова bucketBucket — ведро Перевод слова Empty bucket — пустое ведро full bucket — полное ведро drop in the bucket — капля в море He sank the Bucket into the well. Он опустил ведро в колодец. The Greek, that great well whence we Bucket up our terms. Греческий язык, этот великий источник, из которого мы черпаем ... Читать далее...
17. Outhouse jokeA few years ago some members of the infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed an occupied one-seat outhouse off its foundations, onto its door. The victim tried in vain for a few minutes to roll the entire building onto a different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy. She then was forced to ... Читать далее...
18. Giving Warnings and CautionsBrett: Hi, Mom. Come in. Welcome to my new place. My roommates aren’t here right now or I’d introduce you. Mom: Hi, dear. This is…uh…nice. Brett: It is, isn’t it? I know you were a little worried about me Moving out and into a house with five roommates. But as you can see, this is ... Читать далее...
19. Paying for CollegeChris: Which colleges are you applying to? Marcella: None. I can’t afford to go to college. Even if I lived at home, Tuition, fees, and books are just too expensive. Chris: You could apply for Financial aid. Marcella: I don’t want to get a bunch of Loans and be In debt for the next 10 ... Читать далее...
20. Ex-Police car jokeWe have various local spots where the teenagers park, cruise, hold drag races, drink beer etc. We happen to own a white 1983 Dodge Diplomat, the exact kind of car used by the State Patrol around here as well as many law enforcement agencies nationwide. (Actually our car WAS a state patrol car, but that’s ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы taking pictures[taking pictures] {v. phr.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon}To use a radar-operated speed indicator in order to enforce the 55 MPHspeed limit. The Smokeys are taking pictures!...
22. Proper Behavior at a Formal EventRodney: Ha-ha! Did you hear what I said? Funny, right? Samantha: Behave yourself! This is a serious and Solemn occasion, not a time for Levity. Rodney: Loosen up. We have To endure two hours of this ceremony. Samantha: It’s Indecent the way you’re behaving. Don’t you have any sense of Decorum? Rodney: Lighten up. You’re ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова bunchBunch — пучок, пачка, связка Перевод слова A bunch of flowers — букетик цветов a bunch of grapes — гроздь винограда a bunch of keys — связка ключей I’ll send her a Bunch of flowers. Я пошлю ей букет цветов. The children Bunched together in small groups. Дети разбиты на небольшие группы. He is the ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод идиомы crack a joke, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: crack a joke Перевод: рассказать шутку Пример: The man was a lot of fun at the party because he was always cracking jokes. Этот мужчина был очень забавен на вечере, потому что он все время рассказывал шутки....
25. Перевод слова pourPour — литься, лить Перевод слова To pour oil on flames — подлить масла в огонь to pour oil on the troubled waters — успокаивать, утихомиривать to pour slabs — заливать бетонное покрытие Pour me some coffee. Налейте мне кофе. Suddenly rain Poured down. Внезапно хлынул дождь. She Poured me a cup of tea. Она ... Читать далее...
26. Birth controlSome women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says «We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.» The next woman says «I am too but we use the rhythm method.» The third woman says «We use the bucket and saucer method.» «What the heck is ... Читать далее...
27. German Shepard on Golf CourseA golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse ... Читать далее...
28. President Carter’s jokeIn an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story ... Читать далее...
29. Differences in Male and Female FriendshipsLauren: Did you see what Stephanie was wearing? She looked like a wet dog! Quentin: Why do women do that? Lauren: Do what? Quentin: Why do women Put other women down? Is it to make themselves feel Superior? Lauren: It was only a joke. I Didn’t mean anything by it. Quentin: Do you really think ... Читать далее...
30. Two drunks walk into a barTwo drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says «I gotta go use the can.» So he wonders off to the bathroom and is gone for 5 … 10… 20 minutes. Well his friend gets pissed off and goes in to get him. He finds him in there and ... Читать далее...
31. The wife is not speaking to me 1A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, «All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!» A sudden silence descends. After a moment he asks «Anyone got a problem with that?» The silence lengthens. He ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы funny bone[funny bone] {n.} 1. The place at the back of the elbow that hurtslike electricity when accidentally hit. He hit his funny bone onthe arm of the chair. 2. or {informal} [crazy bone] Sense of humor;understanding jokes. Her way of telling the story tickled his funnybone....
33. Перевод слова bathroomBathroom — ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment — сантехника hog the bathroom — занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod — санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова ... Читать далее...
34. Showering: Men v. WomenHow To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror — make mental note to do more ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова victimVictim — жертва, потерпевший Перевод слова The victim of malice — жертва недоброжелательства the victim of his own folly — жертва собственной глупости earthquake victim — жертва землетрясения He was the Victim of an error. Он был жертвой ошибки. He was the Victim of a freak accident. Он стал жертвой странного происшествия. The Victim was ... Читать далее...
36. April Fool’s DayТопик День дурака рассказывает о празднике, который еще называют «День смеха». Это всемирный праздник, отмечаемый 1 апреля во многих странах. Во время этого праздника принято разыгрывать друзей и знакомых или просто подшучивать над ними. Впервые первоапрельские розыгрыши появились во Франции, а потом распространились по миру. Особенно этому празднику радуются дети. April Fool’s Day or all ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод идиомы inside joke, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: inside joke Перевод: шутка, известная только ограниченному кругу лиц (внутри какой-либо компании, среди друзей, и т. п.) Пример: That must be an inside joke, because it’s not funny at all. Это, должно быть, какая-то местная шутка, потому что мне совсем не смешно....
38. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
39. A little delusionThe weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore ... Читать далее...
40. The complaint letter from JudiThe complaint letter from Judi: We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this ... Читать далее...