Accordions

Related topics:

1. BagpipesQ: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) — I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic ... Читать далее...
2. SaxophoneQ: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the ... Читать далее...
3. BanjoQ: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of ... Читать далее...
4. ViolaQ: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison. Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One. Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Q: What is the difference between ... Читать далее...
5. TrumpetQ: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, «I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality. Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist ... Читать далее...
6. TubaQ: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm. Q: What’s a tuba for? A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2. Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who’s driving? A: The policeman Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. Q: ... Читать далее...
7. ClarinetQ: What’s the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicap zones. Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted. Q: What is the difference between ... Читать далее...
8. GuitarQ: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: ... Читать далее...
9. Buying a chainsawThis fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, «Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line ... Читать далее...
10. French hornQ: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do ... Читать далее...
11. Technology problemsOne of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people. The best call came from a man who repeatedly ... Читать далее...
12. BassQ: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one — but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова definitionDefinition — определение; четкость, определенность Перевод слова Clear definition — ясное определение the definition of the term — определение термина bad definition — нечеткость изображения There is no generally accepted Definition of life. Нет единого общепринятого определения жизни. A week of fishing is my Definition of a vacation. Неделя рыбалки — это мое представление об ... Читать далее...
14. English hornQ: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player? A: I’ll tell you when I meet one. Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы make rounds[make rounds] {v. phr.} To travel the same route, making severalstops along the way. The milkman makes his rounds every morning. The doctor makes the rounds of the hospital rooms....
16. Optimist vs. pessimistA family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, ... Читать далее...
17. Golf in the BedroomGolf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment — normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. ... Читать далее...
18. Describing Talent and AbilityKathy: Thanks for inviting me to see your team. Who’s your best player? Brad: That would be Sarah. She’s a Natural. No one comes close to her speed and Dexterity. She has good Instincts and a Flair for getting out of difficult situations. Kathy: She sounds Promising. Anyone else I should be Keeping an eye ... Читать далее...
19. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
20. Watch real baseballTop Ten Signs you’re Not Watching a Real Baseball Team From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995 You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip. They keep shouting «Do over!» When umpire yells, «Strike ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова differenceDifference — различие, разница, несходство Перевод слова Difference of opinion — расхождение во мнениях difference of five pounds — разница в пять фунтов to have a difference with smb. — поспорить с кем-л. It makes no Difference. Какая разница? Can you taste the Difference? Вы можете почувствовать разницу? It makes a vast Difference. Это значительно ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы go the rounds[go the rounds] {v. phr.} To pass or be told from one person toanother; spread among many people. There is a rumor going therounds that Mr. Norton will be the new superintendent. The storyabout Mr. Cox’s falling into the lake is making the rounds. Syn.: GOAROUND....
23. Перевод слова playerPlayer — игрок, плеер Перевод слова Circumspect player — осторожный игрок composite player — коллективный игрок chess player — игрок в шахматы He’s a very fine Player. Он очень хороший игрок. He’s a keen chess Player. Он фанатичный шахматист. Each Player throws one die. Каждый игрок бросает одну кость. Происхождение слова player Образовано от глагола...
24. Sports TryoutsMarcela: All right, you’re ready for these Tryouts. You’ve passed your Physical. You’ve trained for months. You’re going To make that team. Kenji: It’s okay. I don’t need a Pep talk. I’m just going to do the best I can. Marcela: Yes, but you want To have your head in the right place. You’re going ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова rangeRange — ряд, диапазон; располагать в порядке Перевод слова To range soldiers — построить солдат to range books on a shelf according to size — расставить книги на полке по формату a range of mountains — горная цепь frequency range — радио диапазон частот He Ranges with the great writers. Его можно поставить в один ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова twentyTwenty — двадцать Перевод слова Twenty caissons of ammunition — двадцать ящиков с боеприпасами twenty head of cattle — двадцать голов рогатого скота he is twenty — ему двадцать лет I’ve known her for Twenty years. Я знаю ее двадцать лет. Step off Twenty paces. Отсчитай двадцать шагов. He hit me for Twenty dollars. Он ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы make a difference[make a difference] or [make the difference] {v. phr.} To changethe nature of something or a situation; be important; matter. John’s good score on the test made the difference between his passingor failing the course. It doesn’t make a bit of difference if youare late to my party. I just want you to come....
28. Question answer 03What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner! Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer! What did they call Dracula when he won the league? The champire! Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Paul ... Читать далее...
29. Getting an Advantage in SportsTammy: What are you doing this year to give your team an Advantage? Phillip: I Have a few tricks up my sleeve. We’re going to have a Winning season. Tammy: Are you going To start Wang? Phillip: No, I’m Redshirting Wang. I want him to sit out his first year so he can Sharpen his ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы split the difference[split the difference] {v. phr.}, {informal} To settle a moneydisagreement by dividing the difference, each person giving up half. Bob offered $25 for Bill’s bicycle and Bill wanted $35; they splitthe difference....
31. The seven kinds of passionate women1.The Optimist — «Yes! Yes! Yes!» 2.The Pessimist — «No! No! No!» 3.The Confused — «Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!» 4.The Asthmatic — written rendition of gasping 5.The Sprinter — «Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!» 6.The Religious — «Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 7.The Mathematician — «More! More! More! More!...
32. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peersA drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some «real» musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says «I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.» The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies «OK, ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы on the bench[on the bench] 1. Sitting in a law court as a judge. JudgeWyzanski is on the bench this morning. 2. Sitting among thesubstitute players. The coach had to keep his star player on thebench with a sprained ankle. Compare: BENCH WARMER....
34. The Wisdom of Youth Never give upThe Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder as you get older. After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11 Never blow in a cat’s ear because if you do, usually after three or four times, they will bite your lips! And they ... Читать далее...
35. Adidas Doesn’t Want Players Who Practice ScientologyThe few people who do practice Scientology think of it as a religion, but it is considered a cult in many parts of the world, including Germany, which is why Adidas, a German sports clothing manufacturer, will cancel any sponsorship deal they have with a player if it turns out he has anything to do ... Читать далее...
36. Doping in SportsMia: This is ridiculous! They’re going To suspend Eric Rodrigo for Doping. Alex: From what I’ve read, he failed his Random drug test and they found Performance-enhancing drugs in his System. Mia: But he’s one of the best players on the team. Without him, we won’t have a chance to get to the Playoffs. Alex: ... Читать далее...
37. On JeopardyOn Jeopardy… TREBEK: The category is «Political Subversion». The answer is: This entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the American way of life. PLAYER: What is the KGB? TREBEK: Be more specific. PLAYER: What is PBS? TREBEK: Right!...
38. New LumberjackA lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working ... Читать далее...
39. Three mice are sitting in a bar talkingThree mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, «I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it’s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.» And with ... Читать далее...
40. Traveling by BusSamantha: Good morning. I had a few questions about buying a bus ticket. Do I need to buy one In advance? Agent: You can, but it’s not necessary. You just need to arrive at the Terminal at least an hour before the scheduled departure time to buy your ticket. Boarding begins about 15 to 30 ... Читать далее...