New Lumberjack

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1. On preparing to return home from an out of town trip On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper... ...
2. Buying a chainsaw This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer... ...
3. Перевод слова quota Quota – квота, норма, доля Перевод слова To fulfil the quota – выполнять норму to exceed one’s quota – превосходить квоту bonus for overfulfilment of the quota – премия за... ...
4. Appearance: Legs and Feet – Внешность: ноги и ступни At the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was... ...
5. Broken leg “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you... ...
6. Some police quotes “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “So, you don’t know how fast... ...
7. It finally dawned “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past. Tell me how you... ...
8. Two blondes were walking down the street Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said,... ...
9. Two Italian construction workers Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other “hey how come we do all a da work and... ...
10. Reporting Damaged Luggage I picked up my Luggage off of the Baggage carousel and noticed that the Handle was broken and some of my clothes were falling out of the open Zipper. The... ...
11. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants – one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed... ...
12. The Road to Heaven A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and... ...
13. A man was walking down the street when he noticed A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are... ...
14. Smart decision Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and... ...
15. The Fisherman One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf.... ...
16. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair... ...
17. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush... ...
18. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor... ...
19. Your hair smells nice A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that... ...
20. Asking for and Giving Instructions The supervisor at my work asked me the other day to Help out one of the new employees. She needs some basic Orientation on how to Login to our network.... ...
21. Stop redundancy The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until... ...
22. Using the Restroom Denzel: Excuse me, where is the Restroom? Server: It’s down the hall, on your left. Denzel: Thanks. When I got into the bathroom, it was a Mess. I walked into... ...
23. Seymour was a good and pious man Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. “Hungry, Seymour?” the Lord asked. “I could... ...
24. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his... ...
25. Перевод слова broken Broken – разбитый, сломанный Перевод слова Broken leg – сломанная нога broken stone – щебень broken food – объедки, оставшиеся на столе Her spirit was Broken. Ее дух был сломлен.... ...
26. Beware of IRS The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the... ...
27. A young Indian boy came back to the reservation A young Indian boy came back to the reservation for a family visit after his first year at college. When his dad asked him about his first year at school,... ...
28. Constantly complaining A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned... ...
29. FCC slaps Florida highway cell phone jammer with $48K fine A Florida man is in big trouble for using a cell phone jammer while driving on the highway. 60-year-old Jason Humphreys admitted to police he’d used the device on his... ...
30. Got something “Get this.” said the bloke to his mates, “Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. “Did he get anything.” his... ...
31. What a Woman Really Needs A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the... ...
32. Stupid people fearing WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick... ...
33. Help the lonely child Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of... ...
34. A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and asked to be taken to LaGuardia. While stuck in the traffic jam, the businessman leaned forward and said, “How’s your... ...
35. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side... ...
36. Want some chicken? A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he... ...
37. A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really... ...
38. Перевод слова meeting Meeting – собрание, совещание Перевод слова To fix a time for the meeting – назначить время встречи informal meeting – неофициальная встреча meeting point – место встречи Is the Meeting... ...
39. Driving Directions I was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help.... ...
40. Driving Directions I was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help.... ...