New Lumberjack

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1. Buying a chainsawThis fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, «Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод идиомы chop-chop / Chop chop!, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: chop-chop / Chop chop! Идиома: chop-chop / Chop chop! разг. Перевод: быстро, незамедлительно Пример: Chop-chop! We have very little time left. Поторопитесь! У нас осталось очень мало времени....
3. On preparing to return home from an out of town tripOn preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова quotaQuota — квота, норма, доля Перевод слова To fulfil the quota — выполнять норму to exceed one’s quota — превосходить квоту bonus for overfulfilment of the quota — премия за перевыполнение нормы The company has imposed Quotas on hiring. Компания ввела квоты на прием на работу. I think I’ve had my Quota of coffee for ... Читать далее...
5. Broken leg«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d ... Читать далее...
6. Smart decisionTwo gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked ... Читать далее...
7. Some police quotes«The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.» «If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.» «So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?» «Yes sir, you can talk to the shift ... Читать далее...
8. It finally dawned«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone ... Читать далее...
9. AccordionsAn accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What’s the ... Читать далее...
10. Two Italian construction workersTwo Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other «hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?» pointing to the supervisor. The other says, «I don’t know, go ask him.» So Guido goes up to the ... Читать далее...
11. Asking for and Giving InstructionsThe supervisor at my work asked me the other day to Help out one of the new employees. She needs some basic Orientation on how to Login to our network. So I made an appointment with her to come to my Cubicle for a little training session. Jeff: Hi, Lucy, how are you Settling in? ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы second nature[second nature] {n.} Something done without any special effort, asif by natural instinct. Cutting tall trees has become second natureto the experienced lumberjack....
13. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the marketThere was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a ... Читать далее...
14. Chopping Wood a Manlier Feel than SportsResearchers found it significantly increases testosterone levels, even more so than competitive activities. Being a lumberjack has long been considered among the «manliest» of professions, but now there may be scientific proof to back it up. Researchers from the University of California, Santa Barbara have discovered that chopping wood significantly increases testosterone levels, even more ... Читать далее...
15. Your hair smells niceA man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, «What’s wrong with the coworker ... Читать далее...
16. The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woodsThe duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he’d noticed that the club professional had been watching. «What club should ... Читать далее...
17. Appearance: Legs and Feet — Внешность: ноги и ступниAt the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. «Hm. Nasty accident,» he said. «What happened?» «A skier smashed into my foot,» explained Bill. «Oh, dear. Very nasty. ... Читать далее...
18. Recruiting any and all pilotsThe chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a ... Читать далее...
19. Stop redundancyThe Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time. Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be unor confusing. ... Читать далее...
20. Beware of IRSThe local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the ... Читать далее...
21. Constantly complainingA customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth ... Читать далее...
22. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiringThe bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants — one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, «Jim ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы work out[work out] {v. phr.} 1. To find an answer to. John worked outhis math problems all by himself. Mary had trouble getting alongwith her roommate, but they worked it out. Compare: FIGURE OUT. 2. Toplan; develop. Mary worked out a beautiful design for a sweater. Alice worked out a new hair-do. 3. To accomplish; arrange. ... Читать далее...
24. Got something«Get this.» said the bloke to his mates, «Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. «Did he get anything.» his mates asked. «yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.»...
25. Help the lonely childSandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all ... Читать далее...
26. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselorA blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was ... Читать далее...
27. Want some chicken?A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken ... Читать далее...
28. A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cabA well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and asked to be taken to LaGuardia. While stuck in the traffic jam, the businessman leaned forward and said, «How’s your spirit of adventure?» «What do you mean?» «Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of flying there just bores ... Читать далее...
29. A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for himA site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. «I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,» he announced. «Will the laziest man please put his hand up.» Nine hands went up. «Why ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова brokenBroken — разбитый, сломанный Перевод слова Broken leg — сломанная нога broken stone — щебень broken food — объедки, оставшиеся на столе Her spirit was Broken. Ее дух был сломлен. My Broken leg is mending. Моя сломанная нога идет на поправку. I become a Broken vessel. Я как разбитое корыто. Интересные факты «Сломленные» (Broken) — ... Читать далее...
31. Noisy NeighborsI live in a quiet neighborhood. At least that’s what I thought until last week. I live in a Cul de sac In a Residential neighborhood in Los Angeles. There is a nice retired Couple that lives Kitty corner from me. They have always been very friendly and we have Gotten along very well. About ... Читать далее...
32. NoticeTo make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It ... Читать далее...
33. Idiots on the computerAny time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a «Wall Street Journal» article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq is considering changing the command «Press Any Key» to «Press Return Key» because of the many calls asking where the «Any» key is. 2. AST ... Читать далее...
34. A family was having dinner on Mother’s DayA family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. «Nothing,» said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. «Seriously, what’s wrong?» «Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids ... Читать далее...
35. Jokes about Ireland 2Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. «What’s wrong, Seamus?» Joey-Jim asked. «Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?» said Seamus. «Ah, praise the Almighty!» he replied with relief. «I thought I’d ... Читать далее...
36. Hiring Temp WorkersBethany: I just talked to Steve about hiring Replacements for Cyril, who quit last month and for Megan, who is leaving at the end of this week. Do you know what he told me? He doesn’t want to hire Permanent replacements. He wants To make do with Temps! Enrique: I can see it from Steve’s ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы work off[work off] {v.} To make go away, especially by working. John worked off the fat around his waist by doing exercise everymorning. Mr. Smith worked off his anger by chopping wood....
38. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy manA lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, «There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.» «No problem,» ... Читать далее...
39. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
40. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...