A Wild Driver

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1. Planning a Protest Becky: I want to thank all of you for coming today. I think we all agree that we need to organize a Protest… Pedro: Hold on, Becky. We all want To voice our opinion that we Oppose what is going on here, but I’m not sure a protest is the answer. Becky: With all due […]...
2. Virginia Jokes Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Virginia: Please don’t confuse us […]...
3. Advertising Jobs on the Internet Wendy: I just heard that you’re not going to use a Recruitment agency to fill the new position. Pedro: No, I’m not. There are so many Internet Job boards out there that I think we can find good Candidates without using Headhunters. Wendy: But headhunters do a good job of Weeding out people who don’t […]...
4. Price Gouging Pedro: Why are you changing the prices on all of those items in the store? Elisa: Haven’t you heard? There’s a Hurricane coming. People will be Stocking up on Basic necessities. Pedro: I know that, but that still doesn’t explain why you’ve decided To jack up prices. Elisa: There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of […]...
5. Riding Scooters and Motorcycles Bernadette: When you offered to give me a ride to work, I didn’t know you rode a Motorcycle. I’m not sure about this. Pawel: Come on, put on this Helmet and get on. You’ll get to work much faster. We can zip around cars and go between Lanes. Bernadette: That’s what I’m afraid of. Pawel: […]...
6. A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn’t you see the arrow, buddy?” he asked. “An arrow?” the confused driver said. “I didn’t even see the Indians...
7. Перевод слова lane Lane – переулок, дорожка, тропинка Перевод слова Lanes and alleys – закоулки the country lanes – узкие сельские тропинки traffic lane – полоса движения I moved out into the second Lane. Я переместился на вторую дорожку. That idiot changed Lanes without signalling. Этот идиот сменили полосу без предупреждения. On the M40, there are Lane closures […]...
8. Taking the Driving Test Cesar: I just took the Driving test. See this? That’s my new License. May: You have to give me the Play-by-play. I’m taking the test next week and I’m Freaking out. Cesar: There’s nothing to worry about. It was easy. May: I’m not worried about the written test. It’s the driving test I’m worried about. […]...
9. New family driver Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get […]...
10. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
11. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever […]...
12. A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]...
13. Перевод слова illegal Illegal – нелегальный, противозаконный Перевод слова Illegal trade – незаконная торговля; контрабанда illegal fishery – браконьерский рыбный промысел illegal immigrant – незаконный иммигрант It is Illegal to litter. Мусорить – запрещено. The Illegal immigrants were deported. Нелегальные иммигранты были депортированы. The police winked at Illegal gambling. Полиция закрывала глаза на незаконный доход от азартных игр. […]...
14. Driver pays 1 million RMB for ‘lucky’ 88888 license plate, gets pulled over 8 times in one day After spending just 30,000 RMB ($4,370) on his new vehicle, a driver surnamed Liu decided to splurge on his license plate, spending 1 million RMB ($145,705) on one with 5 lucky number 8s, hoping it would keep him out of trouble on the road. It totally backfired on him. On his first day behind the […]...
15. Using Illegal Drugs Nancy: So, what do you think? Ron: Uh, that was interesting. Nancy: That’s all you have to say? I spent six months making this Anti-drug film to show students in schools to try and Deter illegal drug use. Ron: Well, I’m not sure if it Gets the point across. Nancy: What do you mean? I […]...
16. Using a Map Program Caroline: I just got an email from Sandra with her new Address. I wish I knew what kind of neighborhood our daughter is living in. Bryce: Let’s find out. I’ll Type in her address on this Map program. Caroline: That will just tell us where she’s living within the city, not what kind of neighborhood […]...
17. Getting a Driver’s License Jane: Hey, Henry. You look busy. What’s that you’re reading? Henry: Oh, hi, Jane. I’m studying the Driver’s manual so I can finally get my driver’s license. I just hope I can remember all these Traffic laws. Jane: I’m sure you’ll pass the tests With flying colors, especially since you can Miss a few and […]...
18. Don’t do while driving We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes. When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also […]...
19. Driving While Calling and Texting Pamela: [laughs] Did you see this Tweet from Sarah? She’s so funny. Josh: Hold on. I’m Texting Lance. I want to make sure he knows where we’re Meeting up. Pamela: [cell phone rings] Hello. Oh, hi Lance. Did you get Josh’s text? You didn’t? Let me IM you, bye. Josh: I wonder why Lance didn’t […]...
20. Talking About Immigration Ann: The Immigration policy in this country is ridiculous. Why are there so many Illegal immigrants here? They Cross the border and take American jobs! They all need to be Deported. Chris: A lot of immigrants have lived here nearly all their lives. Do you mean to tell me that you want to do some […]...
21. Describing Facial Expressions Marjorie: I wish I could have been there when you told the managers that you were leaving the company and starting your own business! Pedro: Everyone was Taken aback. Dan Gave me a dirty look, of course. He’s always Looked down his nose at me. As for Sanjaya, If looks could kill… Marjorie: Sanjaya? I […]...
22. Значение идиомы cross street [cross street] {n.} A street that crosses a main street and runs on both sides of it. Elm Street is a cross street on Main Street and there is a traffic light there. Compare: THROUGH STREET....
23. Driving school test The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]...
24. Atlanta Jokes Some quick thoughts… 1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of Downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. 2. All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree…” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House…” 3. Peachtree Street […]...
25. Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by […]...
26. Traveling by Light Rail Jean: Look out! Gordon: Don’t worry. That’s just a Light rail train. The new light rail system shares the road with Street traffic. Jean: Phew! For a second there I thought we were going To collide with it. Gordon: Didn’t you see the Operator seated at the front of the train? She Watches out for […]...
27. California Driving Test Answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right […]...
28. Life as a thing Life is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very […]...
29. 74-year-old attacks cars that run light A retired teacher has become an Internet sensation after he lobbed dozens of bricks at cars that ran a red light at an intersection in Lanzhou, Gansu province. “I just want to catch people’s attention and tell the drivers to think of pedestrians,” the 74-year-old man told Lanzhou Morning Post on Saturday. Many residents in […]...
30. Catch a drunk driver Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it’s a police roadblock!! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!” “Don’t worry, Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers then peel […]...
31. Значение идиомы on edge [on edge] {adj. phr.} Excited or nervous; impatient. Themagician kept the children on edge all through his show. We wereall on edge as we listened to the TV for news of the electionresults. Father was on edge after driving home through the heavyholiday traffic. See: SET ONE’S TEETH ON EDGE. Contrast: AT EASE....
32. Перевод слова traffic Traffic – движение, трафик Перевод слова Trunk traffic – междугородное транспортное сообщение to block off traffic – перекрывать движение traffic code – правила дорожного движения The Traffic noise kept me awake. Шум уличного движения не давал мне уснуть. I was delayed by the Traffic. Я опоздал из-за того, что попал в пробку. A five-car pileup […]...
33. A wild party Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace […]...
34. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says “You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll […]...
35. Перевод слова ride Ride – прогулка; ездить, кататься Перевод слова To ride a good seat – хорошо ездить верхом to ride a bicycle – ездить на велосипеде a ride in a bus – поездка на автобусе I Ride to work in a bus. На работу я езжу на автобусе. Let’s go for a bike Ride. Давай прокатимся на […]...
36. Riding in a Carpool Roberto: Hey, Loreto. Got a minute? Loreto: I’m going to a meeting Off-site, but we can talk if you don’t mind Walking me to my car. Roberto: Sure, okay. I just wanted to ask if you’re interested in Carpooling to work. We only live a few blocks from each other. Loreto: Thanks for asking, but […]...
37. Driving in Great Britain – Вождение в Великобритании Welcome to the free Tourist Information Line for visitors to Great Britain. For information on visas and immigration, please press one. For information on driving in Britain, please press two. For information on hotels, please press three. For information on public transport in Britain, please press four. To return to this menu at any time […]...
38. Asking for a Date I Admit it. I’m a Player. I work in an office where there are a lot of Attractive women. Take Debra, for example. I heard that she just Broke up with her boyfriend last week so I decided to ask her out. Liam: Hi, Debra. How’s it going? Debra: Okay, I guess. How about you? […]...
39. A guy was driving home one evening A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter’s birthday and that he hasn’t bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was “now or never”, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and […]...
40. Georgia Jokes Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia […]...