A Purple Heart

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1. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virgins There were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, “I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not coming home ’til I’ve been laid!!” Betty says, “Well, make sure you’re home by 10 so I don’t worry about you.” 10 o’clock rolls around […]...
2. A man answers the phone and has the following A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult – I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. “Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was […]...
3. Being a Stay-at-Home Dad Gladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from […]...
4. Перевод слова decent Decent – подходящий, приличный, порядочный Перевод слова Decent people – добропорядочные люди decent conditions – приличные условия decent in conversation – сдержанный в выражениях Are there any Decent schools in that area? Есть ли приличные школы в этом районе? It’s hard to find a Decent job. Трудно найти приличную работу. He is a Decent guy […]...
5. Перевод слова soldier Soldier – солдат, рядовой, военнослужащий Перевод слова The Unknown Soldier – неизвестный солдат a soldier defects – солдат дезертирует seasoned soldier – закаленный боец The Soldier had a weekend pass. Солдат получил увольнительную на выходные. That Soldier really lacked “solids”. Тому солдату действительно не хватало твердости характера. He is framed to be a Soldier. Он […]...
6. A hundred dollars A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. “Out drinking again!?” she says. “How much money did you spend this time?” “$100,” answers the man. “$100!” she shouts. “That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!” “Easy for you […]...
7. Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, “Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.” He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was […]...
8. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, “We need to know that […]...
9. The little sexy housewife was built so well The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a. . . well. . […]...
10. Значение идиомы lose one’s heart [lose one’s heart] {v. phr.} To fall in love; begin to love. Shelost her heart to the soldier with the broad shoulders and the deepvoice. Bill lost his heart to the puppy the first time he saw it....
11. The Tell-Tale Heart на английском языке писателя Edgar Allan Poe TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in […]...
12. Types of Views Andrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 […]...
13. Egg joke In a similar vein, tell your victim that you have a test of coordination you would like him to try with you. Find a door with a fairly large crack between the door and the wall when the door is open. (You know, over by the hinges; across the width of the door from the […]...
14. Перевод слова meal Meal – еда, пища; мука крупного помола Перевод слова Frugal meal – скромная пища a hair of meal – очень маленькая порция еды to take in a lading of meal – взять груз муки She cooked a great Meal. Она готовила великолепную еду. Mavis ate her Meal in silence. Мейвис съел то что она приготовила […]...
15. I think I try a nicer approach Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let […]...
16. Перевод слова purple Purple – пурпурный цвет, фиолетовый, лиловый Перевод слова Purple sunset – багряный закат to turn purple with rage – побагроветь от ярости purple brown – темно-пурпуровый цвет Its colour is dark red, verging into Purple. Его цвет темно-красный, переходящий в багровый. The sun tinted the clouds with red and Purple. Солнце окрасило облака в красные […]...
17. Guilty Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. “Ladies and gentlemen […]...
18. HEGS The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S “What’s that?”, the patient asks. “It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.” The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, “We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.” “Why only pancackes?”, […]...
19. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, “I want a man, I want a man.” Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory […]...
20. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
21. Like to screw? It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says. “That’s cool” says Bobby. Carrie’s […]...
22. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. “Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 […]...
23. Perfect customer A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with […]...
24. Where are my pyjamas? A man calls his wife and says to her, “Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?” “Sure, honey,” his wife answers.”Oh, and could you please pack my […]...
25. What Will Be There in My New Flat В топике Что будет в моей новой квартире – я делюсь своими планами о будущей жизни в моей собственной квартире. Я хочу 3-х комнатную квартиру, просторную и удобную, с множеством красивых и удобных вещей. Я мечтаю о гостиной, где я буду принимать своих друзей, у меня будет свой собственный кабинет с библиотекой, и еще я […]...
26. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting […]...
27. No exit An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]...
28. On a very cold night On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, “You’ll have to wait.” “But there’s lots of girls that aren’t busy right now.” “Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.” “Listen, I’m pretty desperate. I don’t need a room.” So she takes his money […]...
29. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not […]...
30. Wanting Peace and Quiet After three days of travel and meetings, I returned to my hotel room ready for some Downtime. All I wanted was some Peace and quiet so I could get a Good night’s sleep. … [phone rings] Carl: Hello. Hotel staff: Hello, Mr. Mendez. I’m calling to welcome you to our hotel. I hope you’re finding […]...
31. Перевод идиомы heart-to-heart, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: heart-to-heart Перевод: интимный, сердечный Пример: The couple had a heart-to-heart talk before they decided to get married. Перед тем, как эта пара решила пожениться, у них был сердечный разговор....
32. Значение идиомы door [door] See: AT DEATH’S DOOR, AT ONE’S DOOR, CLOSED-DOOR, CLOSE ITS DOORS, CLOSE THE DOOR or BAR THE DOOR or SHUT THE DOOR, DARKEN ONE’S DOOR, or DARKEN THE DOOR, FOOT IN THE DOOR, KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR, LAY AT ONE’S DOOR, LOCK THE BARN DOOR AFTER THE HORSE IS STOLEN, NEXT DOOR, […]...
33. Buying your ticket Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all […]...
34. Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2 Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the […]...
35. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
36. Перевод слова gather Gather – собираться, собирать, скопляться Перевод слова To gather a crowd – собрать толпу clouds gathered – тучи сгущались to gather a train – комплектовать поездной состав Give me just a minute to Gather my things and then we can leave. Дай мне минуту, чтобы собрать свои вещи, и потом мы сможем идти. He saw […]...
37. Значение идиомы have a heart-to-heart talk [have a heart-to-heart talk] {v. phr.} To confide in someone withgreat intimacy. Jill and her mother had a heart-to-heart talkbefore she decided to move in with Andrew....
38. Reward these soldiers for their work A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office. “Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, “I can’t give […]...
39. At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even= drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as […]...
40. This rich couple were going out for the evening This rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the […]...