A guy was pulled over by a cop

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1. A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. […]...
2. A state trooper pulled a car over A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. “I was only going 40!” the driver protested. “Not according to my radar,” the trooper said. “Yes, I was!” the man shouted back. “No you weren’t!” the trooper said. With that, the […]...
3. A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. “Don’t know,” the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview […]...
4. The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue. “Can I see your license and registration, bub?”, the cop inquired. “But officer,” the fellow started, “I can explain…” “Shut yer trap, bub!” snapped the officer. “You’re going downtown and sit a while till the sarge gets back.” “But, officer, I think […]...
5. ZHow offensive is that? How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle’s. “Paul… Paul,” He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes […]...
6. Dealing with criminals A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. “You just won’t believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I’ve never seen anything like it.” “Oh yes dear, what happened?” “I came across two guys down by the canal, one […]...
7. Sports-Related Injuries Grace: What happened to you?! Paul: I had a little accident at the game today. Grace: Little accident?! You’re Limping and obviously in pain! Paul: I just Pulled a muscle in my back and Aggravated my Runner’s knee, that’s all. It’s nothing to worry about. Grace: And you’re still recovering from the Sprained ankle, Concussion, […]...
8. My friend is dead! Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: […]...
9. Значение идиомы open one’s eyes [open one’s eyes] or [open up one’s eyes] {v. phr.} To make aperson see or understand the truth; make a person realize; tell aperson what is really happening or what really exists. Mary didn’tbelieve that her cousin could be mean until the cousin opened Mary’seyes by scratching and biting her. John’s eyes were opened up […]...
10. Значение идиомы eye [eye] See: APPLE OF ONE’S EYE, BAT AN EYE or BAT AN EYELASH, BELIEVE ONE’S EYES, CATCH ONE’S EYE, CLEAR-EYED, CLOSE ONE’S EYES orSHUT ONE’S EYES, EYES OPEN, EYE OUT, EYE TO, FEAST ONE’S EYES ON, FOUR-EYES, GET THE EYE, GIVE THE EYE, GREEN-EYED MONSTER, HALF AN EYE, HAVE AN EYE ON, HAVE EYES ONLY […]...
11. Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
12. Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Rollo while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, […]...
13. Becoming a Vegetarian/Vegan Ashley: I’m thinking of becoming a Vegetarian. I think it would be the Ethical thing to do. Paul: Are you going to eat eggs and Dairy? If you’re doing this for ethical reasons, you really should avoid anything made with Animal products or animal By-products. Ashley: I guess you’re right. Paul: Then you’re going to […]...
14. Deaf lady in trouble One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his […]...
15. Thank you for the emails THANK YOU Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year! It’s so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it’s good for removing toilet stains and rusting the arse out […]...
16. The doctor had just completed his examination The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous redhaired beauty. “I would suggest to you, young lady,” began the medic, as he regained som of his professional dignity, “that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start […]...
17. Store Promotions and Giveaways Sonia: What is all this? Paul: These are Entry forms and materials for our new store Promotions and Giveaways. Sonia: What Prizes can people Win? Paul: There are different kinds, because we’re running several promotions at once. We have Scratch-off cards to win Instant prizes, including t-shirts. Sonia: Those t-shirts are really nice. I’d like […]...
18. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heard Holy hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, “how far are you willing to go for a joke?” Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of […]...
19. Admiring a Baby Maya: Isn’t this baby Precious? She is just Darling. Coo chi coo. Jean-Paul: Why do women Fawn over babies? One baby looks pretty much like any other. Maya: You wouldn’t say that if you’d ever spent time with babies. Come over here and look at this one. She’s a Doll and her face is so […]...
20. Working With Unreliable People Paul: What time is it? Jackie: It’s 2:30. The Cleveland office report should have been emailed to us by the end of the workday yesterday. What are we supposed to do now? Paul: If we don’t get their report, we’ll have To hold up the production of the Annual report and if that happens, somebody’s […]...
21. NPR Pulled a Brilliant April Fools’ Prank On People Who Don’t Read “Why doesn’t America read anymore?” NPR asked on Tuesday. “We totally do, NPR. Shut up. We read all the time. We’re reading your article right now!” Facebook commenters screeched. But they didn’t read the article. If they had, they would’ve seen this: Eventually, some commenters began to catch on and spoil the joke, but the […]...
22. A dentis appointment Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at 4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and Charley says, “Where have you been? You’re a 1/2 hour late.” Paul replies, “Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick’s been hurting bad.” Charley says, “If your dick’s been […]...
23. Being a Divorced Parent Oscar: How are you adjusting to being a Single parent? Penny: It hasn’t been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as Civil as possible. We worked out Joint custody so that Mina will get Quality time with both of us. Still, it’s been an Adjustment for her. Oscar: I’m sure, and for […]...
24. Значение идиомы rob Peter to pay Paul [rob Peter to pay Paul] {v. phr.} To change one duty or need foranother; take from one person or thing to pay another. Bill owedSam a dollar, so he borrowed another from Joe to pay Sam back. Herobbed Peter to pay Paul. Trying to study a lesson for one classduring another class is like robbing […]...
25. Talking About Old Crimes Paul: What are you watching? Della: I’m watching a really good show about Cold cases. They take Unsolved crimes from Decades ago and Reconstruct them, trying to solve them Once and for all. Paul: But after all this time, isn’t the Trail cold? How do they solve the crimes with no new Leads? Della: They […]...
26. Driver pays 1 million RMB for ‘lucky’ 88888 license plate, gets pulled over 8 times in one day After spending just 30,000 RMB ($4,370) on his new vehicle, a driver surnamed Liu decided to splurge on his license plate, spending 1 million RMB ($145,705) on one with 5 lucky number 8s, hoping it would keep him out of trouble on the road. It totally backfired on him. On his first day behind the […]...
27. Значение идиомы eyes open [eyes open] 1. Careful watch or attention; readiness to see. – Usually used with “for”. Keep your eyes open for a boy in a red capand sweater. The hunter had his eyes open for rabbits. Theydrove on with their eyes open for a gas station. Syn.: EYE OUT, KEEPONE’S EYES PEELED. 2. Full knowledge; especially […]...
28. Starting a New School Year Mom: It’s your first day at a new school. I’m worried about you. Paul: Mom, I’ll be fine. Mom: Do you have all of your books and Supplies in your Backpack? Oh and I’ve Packed you a lunch already. Paul: You didn’t have to do that, Mom. I was going to buy lunch at school. […]...
29. Значение идиомы pull out [pull out] {v. phr.} 1. To withdraw; leave unceremoniously. Thedefeated army hastily pulled out of the occupied territories. 2. Toleave. The train pulled out of Grand CentralStation just as the foreign students got there. 3. To remove byorder; evacuate. Napoleon pulled his beaten troops out of Russia....
30. Quitting Smoking Vera: Hi, I thought you might be out here. Geez, it’s really cold! Paul: I know, but I really needed a Smoke break after that long meeting. Can I Bum one off you? I left my Pack of Cigarettes on my desk. Vera: Sure. Here’s my Lighter. What do you think about the new Incentives […]...
31. Фразовые глаголы с “PULL” Pull round – поправляться He was just beginning to pull round after his operation. Pull away – выделяться, отрываться от лидера Sullivan pulled away in the final lap. Pull back – отступать Our tank forces pulled back to regroup. Pull off – отходить, отъезжать If you’re feeling sleepy, pull off the road immediately and have […]...
32. Plagiarizing a Paper Paul: All done. Samantha: You’re done with your Paper? How can that be? I’m just getting started. Paul: I’m just a better student than you are. Samantha: Let me see that. You didn’t write this. Paul: No, I didn’t. I downloaded somebody’s paper from some website and Slapped my name on it. The professor will […]...
33. Questions About a Product Paul: Could you help me? I have a few questions about this computer Printer. Clerk: Sure. I’ll try. Paul: What I’m wondering is Whether this machine can be used as a Copier as well as a printer. Clerk: Yeah, it can. This is a Multifunction machine. It can be used as a printer, copier, and […]...
34. Questions About a Product Paul: Could you help me? I have a few questions about this computer Printer. Clerk: Sure. I’ll try. Paul: What I’m wondering is Whether this machine can be used as a Copier as well as a printer. Clerk: Yeah, it can. This is a Multifunction machine. It can be used as a printer, copier, and […]...
35. Planning a Children’s Party Sara: Come on! We need to buy all of the things we need for Gabriel’s party before the store closes. Paul: Are you sure we need a party? Maybe we can just have a Cake and some Party hats. Sara: Are you kidding?! We are going To pull out all the stops. We’ll have Streamers, […]...
36. Nine things Dogs don’t Understand 1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3a. m. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive […]...
37. Значение идиомы close one’s eyes [close one’s eyes] or [shut one’s eyes] {v. phr.} To refuse to see or think about. The park is beautiful if you shut your eyes to the litter. The ice was very thin, but the boys shut their eyes to the danger and went skating. Compare: OPEN ONE’S EYES....
38. There was an old married couple that had happily There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband’s habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she […]...
39. Значение идиомы pull one’s punches [pull one’s punches] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. Not to hit as hard asyou can. Jimmy pulled his punches and let Paul win the boxingmatch. 2. To hide unpleasant facts or make them seem good. – Usuallyused in the negative. The mayor spoke bluntly; he didn’t pull anypunches. Contrast: STRAIGHT PROM THE SHOULDER....
40. Switching Cell Phone Plans Paul: I need a new Cell phone plan. These Roaming and Overage charges are killing me! Shauna: I thought you had a good calling, Messaging, and Data plan. Paul: I do, but I’m still Going over each month. Shauna: Have you thought about a Prepaid plan? You’ll never be charged extra. Paul: That’s not an […]...