A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor

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1. Two ears burned A guy burned two ears… so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. He said, “I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang… so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear…” “But how the heck did you burn the other ear?” The doctor asked. “How […]...
2. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
3. A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” Psychiatrist: […]...
4. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
5. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
6. A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. […]...
7. A blonde came running home to her mother A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. “What’s wrong?” her mum, (another blonde) asked. “My boyfriend’s just dropped me!” wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. “No mum,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t understand – I can fuck and […]...
8. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
9. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
10. One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to work one day and the […]...
11. An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened […]...
12. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: “How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on […]...
13. This man goes into the doctor with his This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: “What happened to you?” He says: “I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!” Doctor: “But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!” He says “Aah […]...
14. A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it”. Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for […]...
15. Значение идиомы dry behind the ears [dry behind the ears] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Experienced; knowing how to do something. Usually used in the negative. John had just started working for the company, and was not dry behind the ears yet. Compare: KNOW ONE’S WAY AROUND. Contrast: WET BEHIND THE EARS....
16. Значение идиомы all ears [all ears] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Very eager to hear; very attentive. – Used in the predicate. Go ahead with your story; we are all ears. When John told about the circus, the boys were all ears....
17. Значение идиомы wet behind the ears [wet behind the ears] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Not experienced; notknowing how to do something; new in a job or place. The new studentis still wet behind the ears; he has not yet learned the tricks thatthe boys play on each other. Compare: DRY BEHIND THE EARS....
18. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
19. Значение идиомы believe one’s ears [believe one’s ears] {v. phr.} 1. To believe what one hears; trust one’s hearing. – Used with a negative or limiter, or in an interrogative or conditional sentence. He thought he heard a horn blowing in the distance, but he could not believe his ears. 2. To be made sure of. Is he really coming? […]...
20. Значение идиомы about one’s ears [about one’s ears] or [around one’s ears] {adv. phr.} To or into complete collapse, defeat, or ruin; to the destruction of a person’s plans, hopes, or happiness. They planned to have factories all over the world but the war brought their plans down about their ears. John hoped to go to college and become a […]...
21. Значение идиомы pin one’s ears back [pin one’s ears back] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To beat; defeat. After winning three games in a row, the Reds had their ears pinnedback by the Blues. 2. To scold. Mrs. Smith pinned Mary’s ears backfor not doing her homework....
22. Значение идиомы ears burn [ears burn] {informal} To feel embarrassment or shame at hearingothers talk about you. Joan overheard the girls criticizing her andit made her ears burn. Joe’s ears burned when he heard hisclassmates praising him to each other....
23. Перевод идиомы all ears, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: all ears Идиома: all ears разг. Перевод: внимательно слушать, превратиться в слух Пример: I’m all ears, please tell me about the party. Я весь внимание – пожалуйста, расскажи мне о вечеринке....
24. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”...
25. A Visit to the Doctor Going to the doctor is never Particularly pleasant for me. But I couldn’t Put it off Any longer. It was time for my Annual physical, and there was no Getting around it. So I picked up the phone and called for an appointment. “I’d like to see Dr. Shimoya next week, please, if that’s possible,” […]...
26. A young blonde woman is distraught A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband […]...
27. A blonde goes for a job interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you […]...
28. Значение идиомы have one’s ears on [have one’s ears on] {v. phr.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radiojargon} To have one’s CB radio in receiving condition. Good buddyin the eighteen wheeler southbound, got your ears on?...
29. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “I’m all ears” Rose Роуз Hello, Doc. My back is killing me. Здравствуйте, доктор. У меня очень сильно болит спина. Doctor Доктор Do you work in an office? Do you spend a lot of time at a desk? У вас работа в офисе? Вы много времени проводите сидя за столом? Rose Роуз I do. I’m the vice-president of […]...
30. Значение идиомы up to one’s ears [up to one’s ears] {adv. phr.} Immersed in; covered with. “Around final examination time,” Professor Brown explained, “I amalways up to my ears in work.”...
31. Значение идиомы prick up one’s ears [prick up one’s ears] {v. phr.}, {informal} To come to interestedattention; begin to listen closely; try to hear. The woman prickedup her ears when she heard them talking about her....
32. Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said “Please give me a prescription for the Pill.” “I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.” “It relaxes me.” “But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for relaxing,” exclaimed the physician. “I know,” said Mrs Ogden, “but my daughter dates, and every […]...
33. Перевод идиомы wet behind the ears, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: wet behind the ears Перевод: молоко на губах не обсохло; неопытный, незрелый Пример: He is a little wet behind the ears and doesn’t know much about his job yet. Он еще неопытен и мало что знает о своей работе....
34. A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail and our friend was stuck […]...
35. Значение идиомы walls have ears [walls have ears] Sometimes one’s most confidential conversationsare overheard. “Be careful what you say,” he whispered. “Rememberthat walls have ears.”...
36. Значение идиомы little pitchers have big ears [little pitchers have big ears] Little children often overhearthings they are not supposed to hear, or things adults do not expectthey would notice. – A proverb. Be especially careful not to swearin front of little children. Little pitchers have big ears....
37. A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, […]...
38. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
39. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
40. A serious condition A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said […]...