Where are my pyjamas?

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1. This man got his prescription for ViagraThis man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, «I’ll be home in an hour.» «Perfect,» she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He ... Читать далее...
2. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
3. Packing Toiletries for a TripIt was going to be my wife’s 30th birthday this week and I was Surprising her with a trip to San Diego for the weekend. Since it was going to be a surprise, I needed to Pack both of our Bags before Picking her up from work and Hitting the road. Packing my stuff was ... Читать далее...
4. It’s not a big deal, but it feels goodA man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: «Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.» The next day ... Читать далее...
5. Pack your bags honey!This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, «Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!» She says, «Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?» He replies, «I don’t care…Just get the f**k out!»...
6. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
7. Man v. catA man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He ... Читать далее...
8. The last day working«You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……» You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, «What’s this?», you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, «I waited on the last fat ugly old ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова lifetimeLifetime — продолжительность жизни Перевод слова A lifetime guarantee — бессрочная гарантия warranty lifetime — гарантийный срок службы once in a lifetime — раз в жизни This is the chance of a Lifetime! Такой шанс выпадает раз в жизни! It would have taken me a Lifetime to read all those books. Мне потребовалась бы вся ... Читать далее...
10. Marriage quotes 11My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы pet name[pet name] {n. phr.} A special or abbreviated name indicatingaffection. He never calls his wife her real name, «Elizabeth,» butonly such pet names as «honey,» «honey bunch,» «sweetheart,» and»sugar.»...
12. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third timeJones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. «What’s the story this time, Jones?» he asked sarcastically. «Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.» Jones sighed, «Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the ... Читать далее...
13. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
14. A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an AustralianA Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, «You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer! The Scotsman ... Читать далее...
15. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
16. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод слова silkSilk — шелк, шелковый Перевод слова Silk ferret — шелковая тесьма to boil silk — вываривать шелк ball dress of changeable silk — бальное платье из переливающегося шелка This Silk drapes beautifully. Этот шелк красиво драпируется. Turkey Silk has a flaxen appearance. Турецкий шелк похож на лен. His garment was seamed with Silk thread. Его ... Читать далее...
18. A henpecked husbandA henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. «You don’t have to let your wife bully you,» he said. «Go home and show her you’re the boss.» The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, «From now ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова packPack — пакет, упаковка, упаковывать, заполнять Перевод слова Jumbo pack — огромный пакет king-size pack — упаковка большего размера pack of jackals — стая шакалов I’ll go home and Pack. Я пойду домой и уложу вещи. Fans Packed the stadium. Фанаты заполнили стадион. I hid my money in my Pack. Я спрятал деньги в своем ... Читать далее...
20. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminarThe Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. «Well…» said the Engineer, «I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ... Читать далее...
21. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
22. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a barAn Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, «I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a ... Читать далее...
23. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
24. A wife begins to get a little worried becauseA wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. «What happened?» says the wife. «You should have been ... Читать далее...
25. Saving the situationAfter attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, «What the hell happened?» «As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,» replied the wife. «Piss on him,» answered the husband. «You did,» said the wife, «and he fired ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова honeyHoney — мед, сладость, медовый, сладкий Перевод слова To remove honey from a hive — отбирать мед из улья he was all honey — он был приторно любезен honey cake — медовая коврижка honey sweet — сладкий как мед She likes Honey in her tea. Она любит чай с медом. She specializes in Honey bees. ... Читать далее...
27. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
28. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffoldingSteve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two ... Читать далее...
29. Learning Work Rules and RoutinesI was happy to finally get a job, but I wasn’t ready for a first day of work like this one. … Boss: This is your first day and my job is To give you the rundown on how we do things around here. This is a Well-oiled machine. Everybody has To pull his or ... Читать далее...
30. A young bloke has started work on a propertyA young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. «I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a ... Читать далее...
31. A man answers the phone and has the followingA man answers the phone and has the following conversation: «Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult — I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. «Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was ... Читать далее...
32. A man calls his family doctorA man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
33. Перевод идиомы once in a lifetime, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: once in a lifetime Перевод: что-либо, что происходит лишь один раз в жизни Пример: I felt that only once in a lifetime would I get a chance to see my favorite singer perform. Я считал, что лишь один раз в жизни у меня будет возможность увидеть исполнение моего любимого певца....
34. A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas tripA tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official look s over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write ‘Twice a week’ into the small space labeled ‘SEX’. The official explains: «No, no, no. That is not what we ... Читать далее...
35. Bosses versus workersWhen I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that ... Читать далее...
36. The Cesium song 06Why Don’t We Mix Up the Two (Tune, «Why don’t we get drunk…» with apologies to Jimmy Buffett) I’ve got a pound of Cesium, It’s burning gently near . The sky-blue flame looks lovely, But it’s noise I want to hear. So darlin’ bring some water, A couple pints’ll do. And why don’t we mix ... Читать далее...
37. Man goes to see the RabbiMan goes to see the Rabbi. «Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.» The Rabbi asked, «What’s wrong?» The man replied, «My wife is poisoning me.» The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, «How can that be?» The man then pleads, «I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning ... Читать далее...
38. Olympic condomsA man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. «Olympic condoms?» she blurts, «What makes them so special?» «There are three colors,» he explains, «gold, silver and bronze.» «So what color ... Читать далее...
39. Anybody Home?A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, «Hello?» Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, «Is ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова fishingFishing — рыбалка, рыболовный Перевод слова To go in for fishing — ходить на рыбалку fishing season — период рыбной ловли free fishing — право на свободную рыбную ловлю fishing tackle — рыболовная снасть We had good luck Fishing. У нас была удачная рыбалка. I like to go Fishing on weekends. Я люблю ходить на ... Читать далее...