Virginia Jokes

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1. Georgia Jokes Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Georgia Jokes Q: Why does a Georgia […]...
2. Washington Jokes Washington: Help! We’re Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Washington: We like our state, so stay […]...
3. A man was driving through West Virginia A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, “I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?” The men answered, “Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw”. He then asked, “What do you hunt and kill?” […]...
4. California Jokes California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Dumb California Laws Sunshine […]...
5. Florida Jokes Dumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just […]...
6. I just trying to be helpful A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?” […]...
7. New York Jokes New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
8. Значение идиомы main drag [main drag] {n.}, {colloquial} 1. The most important street orthoroughfare in a town. Lincoln Avenue is the main drag of ourtown. 2. The street where the dope pushers and the prostitutes are. Wells Street is the main drag of Chicago, actionwise....
9. There was a drunk man walking down the street turning There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer […]...
10. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
11. Atlanta Jokes Some quick thoughts… 1. Atlanta is comprised entirely of one way streets. The only way to get out of Downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina. 2. All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree…” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House…” 3. Peachtree Street […]...
12. Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by […]...
13. Значение идиомы main squeeze [main squeeze] {n.}, {slang} 1. The top ranking person in anorganization or in a neighborhood; an important person, such as one’sboss. Mr. Bronchard is the main squeeze in this office. 2. The topperson in charge of an illegal operation, such as drug sales, etc. Before we can clean up this part of town, we must […]...
14. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
15. Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.” The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles […]...
16. Drinking and driving The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The “Environmental Engineering News” published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, […]...
17. Перевод слова illegal Illegal – нелегальный, противозаконный Перевод слова Illegal trade – незаконная торговля; контрабанда illegal fishery – браконьерский рыбный промысел illegal immigrant – незаконный иммигрант It is Illegal to litter. Мусорить – запрещено. The Illegal immigrants were deported. Нелегальные иммигранты были депортированы. The police winked at Illegal gambling. Полиция закрывала глаза на незаконный доход от азартных игр. […]...
18. Amusing Jokes about the Irish Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a […]...
19. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and […]...
20. Значение идиомы cross street [cross street] {n.} A street that crosses a main street and runs on both sides of it. Elm Street is a cross street on Main Street and there is a traffic light there. Compare: THROUGH STREET....
21. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?” The Vicar […]...
22. On a very cold night On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, “You’ll have to wait.” “But there’s lots of girls that aren’t busy right now.” “Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.” “Listen, I’m pretty desperate. I don’t need a room.” So she takes his money […]...
23. Two blondes were walking down the street Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, “Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” “Let me look.” said the other one. So she handed her the compact. The second blonde looked in the mirror […]...
24. A catholic lithany A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. “A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. “A […]...
25. Better relationship A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the docotor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.” […]...
26. Repairing an Appliance Virginia: Hand me that screwdriver, will you? Alonso: Don’t tell me you’re trying To fix that dryer yourself. We need to call in an Authorized repairman or repairwoman. Virginia: Do you have any idea what they’ll Charge? Alonso: All right, then I’ll call a Handyman and see if he knows anything about fixing dryers. Virginia: […]...
27. Перевод слова drunk Drunk – пьяный, опьяненный Перевод слова Blind drunk – мертвецки пьяный to get drunk – напиться, упиться drunk with success – опьяненный успехом Are you Drunk? Ты что, пьян? He was beastly Drunk. Он напился как скотина. We got Drunk on wine. Мы опьянели от вина. Интересные факты Слово также является 3-й формой неправильного глагола...
28. Перевод слова avenue Avenue – дорога, аллея; путь, средство Перевод слова Avenue of limes – липовая аллея avenue to India – путь в Индию avenue to success – путь к успеху We drove east along Brooklyn Avenue. Мы поехали на Восток вдоль Бруклин-авеню. There are many Avenues open to researchers. Множество путей открыты для исследователей....
29. Describing Distances and Giving Directions Daniella: Could you tell where I can find a drugstore? Hotel clerk: Sure. There’s one Up the street near the Corner of Selma and Main. If you get to Abreu Avenue, you’ve Gone too far. It’s Set back from the street so it’s a little hard to find. Daniella: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll keep an […]...
30. A completely inebriated man was stumbling down A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.” Our wasted friend asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. […]...
31. Перевод слова Atlantic Atlantic – Атлантический океан Перевод слова Atlantic liner – трансатлантический лайнер Atlantic islands – острова Атлантического океана the Atlantic Alliance – североатлантический союз the Atlantic community – страны НАТО, Североатлантическое сообщество She sailed the Atlantic coastline. Она плавала на побережье Атлантического океана. They had crossed the Atlantic in their barks. Они на своих барках пересекли […]...
32. Manhattan Manhattan is an island just 13 miles long and 2 miles wide. It is the centre of American finance, advertising, art theatre, publishing, fashion – and much more. The borough of Manhatten is what most people think of New York, one of the most exciting cities in the world. Manhattan is divided into the East […]...
33. A Wild Driver Yasmine and I were going to a show at the Staples Center and Yasmine was driving. My friends Warned me about her driving, but they didn’t prepare me for this Ride. Pedro: Whoa, slow down! You almost Rear-ended that SUV. Yasmine: No I didn’t. Take it easy. I Have everything under control. I’m not even […]...
34. Russia Jokes What’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
35. Значение идиомы through street [through street] {n.} 1. A street on which cars can move withoutstopping at intersections, but cars on streets crossing it have tostop at the intersection. You have to be especially carefulcrossing a through street. Mr. Jones stopped his car when he cameto the through street. He waited until there were no cars on it, anddrove […]...
36. Значение идиомы side street [side street] {n.} A street that runs into and ends at a mainstreet. The store is on a side street just off Main Street. TheSpellmans bought a house on a side street that runs off Broad Street. Compare: BACK STREET, CROSS STREET....
37. Значение идиомы back street [back street] {n.} A street not near the main streets or from which it is hard to get to a main street. We got lost in the back streets going through the city and it took us a half hour to find our way again. Compare: SIDE STREET....
38. Getting Directions and Parking Instructions Receptionist: So the meeting is set for 2:00 on Thursday. Do you know how to get to our offices? Asha: No, I don’t. Could you give me Directions? Receptionist: Certainly. We’re located on Main Street. The Cross street is Udall. If you’re taking the freeway, the best Exit to take is Udall East. Once you’re […]...
39. Перевод слова Sunday Sunday – Воскресенье Перевод слова To stay over until Sunday – остаться до воскресенья of a Sunday – по воскресеньям Sunday school – воскресная школа We like to walk every Sunday. Нам нравится гулять каждое воскресенье. My birthday falls on Sunday. Мой день рождения попадает на воскресенье. Brian had an MRI taken Sunday. Брайану сделали […]...
40. Driving school test The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]...