Three vampires go to a bar

Related topics:

1. The Story of the Bats Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, “Let’s fly out of the cave and get some blood.” “We’re new here,” says the second one. “It’s dark out, and we don’t know where to look. We’d better wait until the other bats go with us.” The first […]...
2. Punishment that fits the crime Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?” The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been […]...
3. Перевод слова waitress Waitress – официантка, служанка Перевод слова Ring for a waitress – звонком подозвать официантку Eventually, Mary got a job as a Waitress. В конце концов, Мэри устроилась официанткой. The Waitress freshened our coffee. Официантка долила нам кофе. Let’s order dessert when the Waitress comes back. Когда официантка вернется, давайте закажем десерт....
4. A man stops by a diner at noon A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and […]...
5. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “241.” “That is wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself […]...
6. Suffering A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor turns to her husband and inquires “Is that true?” The husband replies “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”...
7. Значение идиомы blood runs cold [blood runs cold] also [blood freezes] or [blood turns to ice] You are chilled or shivering from great fright or horror; you are terrified or horrified. – Usually used with a possessive. The horror movie made the children’s blood run cold. Mary’s blood froze when she had to walk through the cemetery at night. Oscar’s […]...
8. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” answers the President. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers Dubya, “she’ll order for herself.”...
9. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
10. Значение идиомы blood [blood] See: DRAW BLOOD, FLESH AND BLOOD, IN COLD BLOOD, IN ONE’S BLOOD or INTO ONE’S BLOOD, MAKE ONE’S BLOOD BOIL or MAKE THE BLOOD BOIL, NEW BLOOD, OUT OF ONE’S BLOOD, RUN IN THE BLOOD or RUN IN THE FAMILY, SPORTING BLOOD, SWEAT BLOOD, WARM ONE’S BLOOD....
11. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that […]...
12. Перевод идиомы blue blood, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: blue blood Перевод: аристократическое происхождение, “голубая” кровь Пример: The art exhibition attracted many of the blue bloods in the town. Выставка искусства в городе привлекла много людей голубой крови....
13. Some very common traits in two drunks A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s […]...
14. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s […]...
15. A customer walks into a restaurant and notices A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.” When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he hears an explosion of voices. The restaurant […]...
16. HEGS The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S “What’s that?”, the patient asks. “It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.” The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, “We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.” “Why only pancackes?”, […]...
17. One day in class the teacher One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says “That’s a penis, and my father has two of them”. The teacher looks surprised and […]...
18. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
19. Значение идиомы turn [turn] See: AT EVERY TURN, BLOOD RUN COLD or BLOOD TURNS TO ICE, BYTURNS, CALL THE TURN at CALL ONE’S SHOTS, EVERY TIME ONE TURNSAROUND, IN TURN, NOT KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN, OUT OF TURN, TAKE A TURN, TAKE TURNS, TO A T or TO A TURN....
20. Show him your cross Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. “Quick, quick!” shouts Sister Mary Agnes, “What should […]...
21. Значение идиомы in one’s blood [in one’s blood] or [into one’s blood] {adv. phr.} Agreeingperfectly with one’s sympathies, feelings, and desires. Living in awarm section of the country gets in your blood. The woods got intoJim’s blood. Contrast: OUT OF ONE’S BLOOD....
22. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...
23. How many people work in the U. S. government? One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy’s Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, “Dad, how many people work in the U. S. government?” The father replies without hesitating, “Oh, about ten percent.”...
24. Значение идиомы by turns [by turns] {adv. phr.} First one and then another in a regular way; one substituting for or following another according to a repeated plan. On the drive to Chicago, the three men took the wheel by turns. The teachers were on duty by turns. When John had a fever, he felt cold and hot by […]...
25. Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. “Jazus Mick…Well have to turn […]...
26. Subjects for a date A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]...
27. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
28. A waitress walks up to one of her tables in A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?” One of the Japanese men explains, “Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.” The waitress […]...
29. Перевод слова blood Blood – кровь Перевод слова Blood loss – потеря крови fresh blood – новая кровь в семье the ties of blood – узы крови It made my Blood freeze. У меня от этого кровь стыла в жилах. The sharks will smell Blood. Акулы учуют запах крови. He was weak with loss of Blood. Он ослабел […]...
30. A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. “What’s your name?” she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers “My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.” She goes up to the second dog and asks “What’s your name?” The […]...
31. A man walks into a friend and sees A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend’s car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, “What’s happened to your car?” “Well,” the friend responses, “I ran into a lawyer”. “OK,” says the man, “that explains the blood… But what about the leaves, […]...
32. Значение идиомы take turns [take turns] {v. phr.} To do something one after another instead ofdoing it all at the same time. In class we should not talk all atthe same time; we should take turns. Jean and Beth took turns onthe swing. The two boys took turns at digging the hole. Thethree men took turns driving so one […]...
33. A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window […]...
34. Значение идиомы out of one’s blood [out of one’s blood] {adv. phr.} Separate from one’s feelings, interests, or desires. When Tom moved to the city, he couldn’t getthe country out of his blood. Mary is having a hard job gettingsummer laziness out of her blood. Contrast: IN ONE’S BLOOD....
35. Play on the words “Welcome to Entropy Burgers – may I take your order?” “I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time.” “My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you.” “I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name’s Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I […]...
36. Where is this place A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it – KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a […]...
37. The scene is a dark jungle in Africa The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, alright!” The rear tiger says, “sorry,” and they continue. […]...
38. The Zen Master is visiting New York City The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.” The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box […]...
39. A pregnant woman is about to give birth A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. […]...
40. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...