The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life

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1. A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks herA guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, «how much?» she replies, «$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.» He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, «it’s my hairdresser’s fee!»...
2. Sports is Important in Our Life — Спорт важен в нашей жизниSport is very important in our life. It is popular among young and old people. Many people do morning exercises, jog in the morning and train themselves in clubs, in different sections and take part in sport competitions. Other people like sports too, but they only watch sports games, listen to sports news. They prefer ... Читать далее...
3. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
4. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
5. Важна ли для меня мода?/ Is Fashion Important For Me?На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Is Fashion Important For Me? Важна ли для меня мода? I fell in love with fashion, when I was a little girl. My mother had a very beautiful collection of dresses and shoes. I liked to go shopping with my mom, and buy clothes. The shopping centers were ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова importantImportant — важный Перевод слова A critically important decision — чрезвычайно важное решение important amendment — существенная поправка to look important — иметь важный вид ‘What did you say?’ ‘Oh, nothing Important.’ — Что вы сказали? — Да ничего важного. Nothing could be more Important to me than my family. Для меня не может быть ... Читать далее...
7. The Doctor. Our HealthТопик Врач. Наше Здоровье доступным языком рассказывает, почему мы обращаемся к доктору. И в каких случаях можно лечиться дома, а когда следует обратиться в скорую помощь. Даже иногда следует посещать стоматолога, в самых критических случаях, конечно)) When we are ill, we call the doctor, and he examines us and diagnoses the illness. When we have ... Читать далее...
8. Take in a boarderAn elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. «Yes,» says the Doctor, «I would advise you to take in a boarder.» A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is ... Читать далее...
9. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
10. The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctorThe daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor «Big Chief no fart.» The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, «Big Chief no fart.» The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ... Читать далее...
11. Orange penisAn old man goes to the doctor and says «Dr., I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dick is orange.» The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange. ... Читать далее...
12. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctorSteve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, «Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.» Steve says, «Will that keep me from getting sick?» The doctor says, «No, but it’ll look real pretty in the ... Читать далее...
13. The meaning of lifeA man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, «Do you smoke or drink?» «No,» he replied, «I’ve never done either.» «Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?» inquired the doctor. «No, I’ve never done any of those things either.» «Well ... Читать далее...
14. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
15. Important thoughts*Question: What is one horsepower? *Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. *You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it you got hit, so never mind. *Talc is found on ... Читать далее...
16. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
17. Gosh, what a pun!A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, «that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?» The man replies, «all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife ... Читать далее...
18. PeanutsSitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it ... Читать далее...
19. Taking Care of Your TeethMartha: Oh, I have a Toothache! George: It sounds like you’re In for a visit to the Dentist. Martha: That would be the Last resort. I hate going to the dentist. I don’t like needles and the sound of the Drill scares me to death. I’m hoping the toothache will just go away. George: You ... Читать далее...
20. During her annual checkup, the well-constructed missDuring her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. «Doctor,» she replied shyly, «I just can’t undress in front of you.» «All right,» said the physician, «I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.» In a few moments, her voice rang out ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы life[life] See: BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, BIG AS LIFE, CAT HAS NINELIVES, CHARMED LIFE, COME ALIVE OT COME TO LIFE, FACTS OF LIFE, FORDEAR LIFE, FOR THE LIFE OF ONE, LEAD A DOG’S LIFE, NIGHT LIFE, NOT ONYOUR LIFE OR ONE’S LIFE, TAKE ONE’S LIFE IN ONE’S HANDS, TIME OF ONE’SLIFE, YOU BET or YOU ... Читать далее...
22. A WOMANS SCHEDULEA WOMAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don’t have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод идиомы all important, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: all important Перевод: самое важное, срочное или необходимое Пример: The meeting is all important and I plan to attend it. Собрание очень важное, и я собираюсь посетить его....
24. Going to the DentistI went to the dentist to get a Check-up and cleaning. I Showed up at the dentist’s office a few minutes before 10. I gave the receptionist my name and told her that I had a 10 a. m. appointment. She said that the doctor Was running a little latE and that I should take ... Читать далее...
25. A helping handHarry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, «Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around ... Читать далее...
26. Where lawers come fromAn anxious woman goes to her doctor. «Doctor,» she asks nervously, «can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?» «Certainly,» replies the doctor, «Where do you think lawyers come from?»...
27. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum withLittle Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks «What’s that mum? » His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, «That’s where your dad accidentially hit me ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова wideWide — широкий, обширный Перевод слова Wide road — широкая дорога three feet wide — шириной в три фута wide knowledge — обширные познания wide interests — широкие интересы A Wide freedom, truly! Полная свобода, действительно! The door was Wide open. Дверь была распахнута настежь. He opened his eyes Wide. Он широко открыл глаза. Примеры ... Читать далее...
29. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
30. Parenting: the Most Important Job on the PlanetA person’s upbringing and education starts in his or her family. Even when children grow up and become independent, their families never stop influencing their lives. The family is responsible for an individual’s physical and moral development and it is in the family that values, norms and ideas are communicated from generation to generation. Being ... Читать далее...
31. A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnantA woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, «Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?» The doctor answered, «Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy ... Читать далее...
32. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
33. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
34. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
35. The way he diedA person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. ... Читать далее...
36. This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important toThis fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to ... Читать далее...
37. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
38. Jack goes to the doctor and saysJack goes to the doctor and says «Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?» After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, «Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try ... Читать далее...
39. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
40. My lifeВ топике Моя жизнь – я рассказываю о себе: сколько мне лет, где я живу, есть ли у меня друзья. Еще я расскажу о своей старшей сестре: она любит музыку и модную одежду. Мне нравится ходить с сестрой в кино и по магазинам. I’m Lora. I’m ten years old and I’m from Tokmak. I go ... Читать далее...