The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon

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1. The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacherThe congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said «Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now.» More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their ... Читать далее...
2. An unfortunate coincidenceOne day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. «Reverend,» she said, «I have a problem—my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?» «I have an idea,» said the minister. «Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell ... Читать далее...
3. A fine sermonA man finally goes with his wife to church. The man was so impressed with the preacher’s sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand. «Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon.» The preacher says «Why thank you sir, but we don’t used profanity in the house of the ... Читать далее...
4. Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandyKnowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration — that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. «Gladly,» responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder ... Читать далее...
5. The wrong definitionWay down in the deep south, in an area known as the ‘Bible Belt,’ there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, «Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!» The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, «One of you, here ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова ministerMinister — министр, священник Перевод слова Ex-minister — бывший министр, экс-министр the Minister of Finance — министр финансов forceful minister — влиятельный министр The Minister pronounced them man and wife. Священник объявил их мужем и женой. He always has access to the Prime Minister. У него всегда есть доступ к премьер-министру. The Minister said, «Let ... Читать далее...
7. Значение идиомы head start[head start] {n.} 1. A beginning before someone; lead or advantageat the beginning. The other racers knew they couldn’t catch Don ifhe got too big a head start. Joe has a head start. He began tostudy earlier than we did. 2. A good beginning. Let’s get a headstart in painting the house by getting up ... Читать далее...
8. A Lutheran minister is driving downA Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, «Sir, have you been drinking?» And the minister says, «Just water.» The ... Читать далее...
9. Change my mindThe church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, «I give ten dollars.» Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly. «I give a thousand dollars!» The minister said, «Lord, hit him again!»...
10. A young minister, in the first days of his first parishA young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, «I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы get a head start on[get a head start on] {v. phr.} To receive preliminary help orinstruction in a particular subject so that the recipient is in afavorable position compared to his or her peers. At our school, children get a head start on their reading ability thanks to a specialprogram....
12. Перевод идиомы start over with a clean slate / start off with a clean slate, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: start over with a clean slate / start off with a clean slate Перевод: забыть о прошлом и начать все с начала Пример: The young man broke the law several times but he was able to start over with a clean slate when the judge decided that he would probably not do anything wrong ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы running start[running start] {n. phr.} Good progress at the beginning. Theteam was off to a running start, having won the first two games. Contributions of $5000 before the drive began gave the charity fund arunning start. Compare: HEAD START....
14. After church on Sunday morning, a young boyAfter church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, «Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. «That’s okay with us,» the mother said, «But what made you decide to be a minister?» «Well,» the boy replied, «I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, ... Читать далее...
15. Kick-ass sermonA new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, » When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, ... Читать далее...
16. A preacher was completing a temperance sermonA preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, «If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.» With even greater emphasis he said, «And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.» ... Читать далее...
17. Divine RightSeveral years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest ... Читать далее...
18. By definitionA young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.’s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say’s, «Why yes I am…you wanna wear my hat?» The boy nods and the ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова startStart — начало, старт, отправление, начинать Перевод слова From start to finish — с начала до конца we shall make an early start for town — рано утром мы отправимся в город to start on a journey — отправиться в поездку when do I start? — когда мне приступить (к работе)? When can you Start? ... Читать далее...
20. Man goes to a fancy dress partyMan goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his p*nis. Lady asks, «What are you?» He says, «I’m a fireman.» «But you’re only wearing a glass jar,» says the woman. He says, «Exactly, in an emergency, break glass.» Pull knob and I’ll cum as fast as I can!»...
21. Going to a WeddingI got an Invitation in the mail last month that really surprised me. My friend Ulrich was getting married! We went to college together and he always said that he’d never get married. I guess he found his Dream girl in the end. The Church wedding was going to be at 3 p. m. and ... Читать далее...
22. Getting a Fresh StartNico: I’m moving to Atlanta. I want a Fresh start. Celia: This is a surprise. I thought you were going To stick it out here and try To put the past behind you. Nico: There are too many Reminders here. I want a Clean slate. What’s done is done and I’m tired of Blame and ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы jack-rabbit start[jack-rabbit start] {n.}, {informal} A very sudden start from astill position; a very fast start from a stop. Bob made ajack-rabbit start when the traffic light turned green....
24. Hacker fakes German minister’s fingerprints using photos of her handsJan Krissler used high resolution photos, including one from a government press office, to successfully recreate the fingerprints of Germany’s defence minister. It’s an old cliché of security researchers: fingerprints might appear more secure than passwords. But if your password gets stolen, you can change it to a new one; what happens when your fingerprint ... Читать далее...
25. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
26. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы head-on[head-on] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. With the head or front pointingat; with the front facing; front end to front end. Our car skiddedinto a head-on crash with the truck. In the fog the boat ranhead-on into a log. There is a head-on view of the parade from ourhouse. Compare: FACE-TO-FACE. Contrast: REAR-END. 2. In ... Читать далее...
28. Excerpts from the rural lifeA farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says «Ok, old fellow, time to retire.» The old rooster says «You can’t handle all these chickens….look at what it did to me!» The young rooster replies, «Now, ... Читать далее...
29. The HatAn elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы start out[start out] {v.} 1. To begin to go somewhere. Bill started outfor school on his bicycle. Art started out on a voyage around theworld. Compare: SET OUT. 2. To begin a career or life. Harrystarted out as an errand boy in a business office. We all startout in life as helpless infants. Syn.: START IN. ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы start something[start something] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make trouble; cause aquarrel or fight. John is always starting something. Jack likesto play tricks on the other boys to start something. Compare: MAKESOMETHING OF....
32. A Traditional WeddingI arrived at my friend Karin’s Wedding a little late and the ceremony had already begun. I’ve been to a lot of Civil ceremonies, but it had been a while since I’d attended a religious one. They had asked a Minister To Officiate. When I arrived, Karin and her Fiance, Jan, were standing in front ... Читать далее...
33. The three wishesAn old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when—all of a sudden—a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. «Well, now,» says the old lady, «I guess I would like to be really ... Читать далее...
34. On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the doorOn his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. «Would it be right,» he asked, «for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?» «Absolutely not!» replied the pastor. «In that case,» said the young man, «I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid ... Читать далее...
35. The RabbiThere is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up ... Читать далее...
36. A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor surgeryA beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод идиомы be off to a bad start, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: be off to a bad start Перевод: начать что-либо при неблагоприятных, плохих условиях Пример: The production of the play was off to a bad start when the lights did not work. Из-за того, что потух свет, постановка пьесы началась не самым лучшим образом....
38. Значение идиомы start in[start in] {v.}, {informal} 1. To begin to do something; start. Fred started in weeding the garden. The family started in eatingsupper. Compare: GO AT. 2. To begin a career. Bob started in as anoffice boy and became president. 3. To give a first job to. Thebank started him in as a clerk....
39. Watch out!A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is ... Читать далее...
40. Groundhog Day«I bet you don’t know what day this is», said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker: «Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?» With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for ... Читать далее...