The math one liners

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1. Math is turning bad “Psst, c’mere,” said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed. “What are you selling?” I asked. “Geometrical algebra drugs.” “Huh!?” “Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…” “Stop right there,” I interrupted. “I’ve never […]...
2. The Unsolvable Math Problem A student mistook examples of unsolved math problems for a homework assignment and solved them. EXAMPLE: A young college student was working hard in an upper-level math course, for fear that he would be unable to pass. On the night before the final, he studied so long that he overslept the morning of the test. […]...
3. How to Hunt Elephants – Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
4. Перевод слова statistics Statistics – статистика Перевод слова Legal statistics – судебная статистика population statistics – статистика народонаселения comparative statistics – сравнительная статистика expert in statistics – специалист по статистике Can we trust these Statistics? Можем ли мы доверять этой статистике? He peppered the report with Statistics. Его доклад изобиловал статистическими данными. He has some acquaintance with Statistics. […]...
5. Перевод слова philosophy Philosophy – философия; основные принципы Перевод слова The philosophy of science – философия науки shirtsleeve philosophy – доморощенная философия design philosophy – принципы конструирования philosophy of measurement – методика измерений Ethics is a branch of Philosophy. Этика – это раздел философии. We owe this idea to Greek Philosophy. Эту идею мы унаследовали от греческой философии. […]...
6. Do the math The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”...
7. One liners about food The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.” On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack. A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry. A couple of kids tried using pickles […]...
8. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
9. Перевод слова sheep Sheep – овца, баран Перевод слова Sheep farm – овцеферма to tend a flock of sheep – пасти стадо овец a sheep among wolves – овечка среди волков A young Sheep is a lamb. Детеныш овцы – ягненок. Sheep are tended by a shepherd. Овец пасет пастух. The meat of the Sheep is mutton. Мясо […]...
10. Перевод слова mathematics Mathematics – математика Перевод слова Applied mathematics – прикладная математика computing mathematics – вычислительная математика pure mathematics – чистая математика He’s weak in Mathematics. Он слаб в математике. His only interest was Mathematics. Единственным его увлечением была математика. He could never master Mathematics. Он никогда не мог справиться с математикой....
11. American University Grading Procedures Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: – All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: – Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books […]...
12. The Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing A Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that […]...
13. Значение идиомы play the game [play the game] {v. phr.}, {informal} To obey the rules; do right;act fairly. “That’s not playing the game,” we told him when hewanted to desert his wife. “Oh, let’s play the game,” he said, when his partner suggested a way to keep from paying some of theirdebts. Your parents want you to play the game […]...
14. Значение идиомы ground rule [ground rule] {n.} 1. A rule in sports that is made especially forthe grounds or place where a game is played. – Usually used in theplural. There was such a big crowd at the baseball game, that theground rules of the field were changed in case a ball went into thecrowd. 2. A rule, usually […]...
15. The Boy Who Cried Wolf A shepherd-boy, who watched a flock of sheep near a village, brought out the villagers three or four times by crying out, “Wolf! Wolf!” and when his neighbors came to help him, laughed at them for their pains. The Wolf, however, did truly come at last. The Shepherd-boy, now really alarmed, shouted in an agony […]...
16. Misunderstood people 1. They speak only the Greek language. 2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonni, Tchebycheff, Schatzoff, Hotelling, and Godambe. Where are the statisticians with names such as Smith, Brown, or Johnson? 3. They are fond of all snakes and typically own as a pet a large South American snake called an ANOCOVA. […]...
17. Business one-liners 01 A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. A bird in the bush usually […]...
18. Chem one-liners 02 Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration. “A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.” Isaac Asimov said that if you want to […]...
19. Irish math There’s these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what’s the matter. 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that’s easy, it’s 147. 1st Irishman: No no no, that […]...
20. Chem one-liners 04 Q: What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? A: Methylated Spirits! Q: How many atoms in a guacamole? A:Avocado’s number. Q: What do chemists use to make guacomole? A: Avogadros. Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry. These were printed on bumper stickers and given out at an American Chemical Society meeting 10 or 12 years ago: […]...
21. The Math Test California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam Name:_______________________________ Gang:___________________________ 1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of […]...
22. Chem one-liners 03 Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down? What’s the formula for water? – H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? – H-two-O-CUBED Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2? A: Oxymoron The best chemists would […]...
23. Chem one-liners 01 Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. – Mike Adams Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate! There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine […]...
24. Business one-liners 02 A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle A committee is twelve men doing the work of one. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. – Abba Eban A conservative is […]...
25. Значение идиомы for fear [for fear] Because of fear. He left an hour early for fear ofmissing his train. She worried for fear that the child would behurt....
26. Значение идиомы blow one’s lines [blow one’s lines] or [fluff one’s lines] {v. phr.}, {informal} To forget the words you are supposed to speak while acting in a play. The noise backstage scared Mary and she blew her lines....
27. A ventriloquist was driving in the country A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the […]...
28. Reducing travel risk There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it, then slow down again once he’d got over it. One day, he took a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style, and asked him why he went so fast over […]...
29. My favorite subject (2) My favorite subject in school is Mathematics. It is my favorite because I never have difficulty with it and always get good marks in tests. I suppose I am lucky to be born with a clear-thinking brain. So ever since young, manipulating numbers and figures came easy to me. The wonderful thing about Mathematics is […]...
30. Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, “I just […]...
31. Basketball The History of basketball, a game that started with 18 men in a YMCA gymnasium in Springfield, Mass., has grown into a game that more than 300 million people play worldwide. The man who created this instantly successful sport was Dr. James Naismith. Under orders from Dr. Luther Gulick, head of Physical Education at the […]...
32. Значение идиомы for fear of [for fear of] {adv. phr.} Because of being afraid of something; onaccount of being scared. Dave refuses to go to Europe for fear ofan airplane crash and for fear of a shipwreck....
33. Homecoming Fall is once again Upon us, and that means that Homecoming celebrations are Just around the corner. Homecoming is an American tradition each September and October for high schools and colleges where they celebrate their School spirit with a football game and other celebrations. I remember the homecoming events when I was in school. First, […]...
34. Перевод слова fear Fear – страх, боязнь Перевод слова To chase all fear – отбросить всякий страх without fear or favour – беспристрастно, объективно more than half dead with fear – чуть живой от страха I Fear the results of the final exams. Я опасаюсь за результаты выпускных экзаменов. His wife seemed depressed, and he Feared for his […]...
35. Значение идиомы wolf in sheep’s clothing [wolf in sheep’s clothing] {n. phr.} A person who pretends to begood but really is bad. Mrs. Martin trusted the lawyer until sherealized that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Mr. Black wasfooled by the salesman’s manners until he showed that he was really awolf in sheep’s clothing by selling Mr. Black a car […]...
36. A businessman boards a flight 66.A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American […]...
37. Значение идиомы read between the lines [read between the lines] {v. phr.} To understand all of a writer’smeaning by guessing at what he has left unsaid. Some kinds ofpoetry make you read between the lines. A clever foreigncorrespondent can often avoid censorship by careful wording, leavinghis audience to read between the lines....
38. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
39. The Mathematical Sciences Rapid growth in the nature and applications of mathematics means that the Newtonian core – calculus, analysis, and differential equations – is now just one part of a more diverse mathematical landscape. Yet most scientists have explored only this original territory, because that is all that was included in their curriculum in high school, college, […]...
40. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, “My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?” The farmer says, “I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to […]...