The math one liners

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1. Math is turning bad«Psst, c’mere,» said the shifty-eyed man wearing a long black trenchcoat, as he beckoned me off the rainy street into a damp dark alley. I followed. «What are you selling?» I asked. «Geometrical algebra drugs.» «Huh!?» «Geometry drugs. Ya got your uppers, your downers, your sidewaysers, your inside-outers…» «Stop right there,» I interrupted. «I’ve never ... Читать далее...
2. The Math TestCalifornia officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam Name:_______________________________ Gang:___________________________ 1.Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of ... Читать далее...
3. Do the mathThe math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, «Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?» Little Johnny quickly replied, «NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!»...
4. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one dayLittle Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. «If I gave you $20,» the teacher began,» and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?» «An orgy,» Johnny answered....
5. The Unsolvable Math ProblemA student mistook examples of unsolved math problems for a homework assignment and solved them. EXAMPLE: A young college student was working hard in an upper-level math course, for fear that he would be unable to pass. On the night before the final, he studied so long that he overslept the morning of the test. ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова parallelParallel — параллельно, параллель, аналогичный Перевод слова Coupling in parallel — параллельное соединение to draw a parallel — проводить аналогию, параллель scale in a parallel — масштаб по параллели parallel case — аналогичный случай This trail was Parallel to the border. След шел параллельно границе. Two Parallel bridges span the river. Два моста, расположенных параллельно ... Читать далее...
7. One liners about foodThe snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called «The Fission Chips.» On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack. A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry. A couple of kids tried using pickles ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова noisyNoisy — шумный, галдящий Перевод слова Noisy crowd — кричащая толпа noisy market — рыночный галдеж noisy celebration — шумное празднование London is a Noisy place. Лондон — шумный город. It was so Noisy it was hard to carry on a conversation. Было так шумно, что сложно было продолжать беседу. The children were too Noisy ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова sheepSheep — овца, баран Перевод слова Sheep farm — овцеферма to tend a flock of sheep — пасти стадо овец a sheep among wolves — овечка среди волков A young Sheep is a lamb. Детеныш овцы — ягненок. Sheep are tended by a shepherd. Овец пасет пастух. The meat of the Sheep is mutton. Мясо ... Читать далее...
10. The Wolf in Sheep’s ClothingA Wolf found great difficulty in getting at the sheep owing to the vigilance of the shepherd and his dogs. But one day it found the skin of a sheep that had been flayed and thrown aside, so it put it on over its own pelt and strolled down among the sheep. The Lamb that ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы play the game[play the game] {v. phr.}, {informal} To obey the rules; do right;act fairly. «That’s not playing the game,» we told him when hewanted to desert his wife. «Oh, let’s play the game,» he said, when his partner suggested a way to keep from paying some of theirdebts. Your parents want you to play the game ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы ground rule[ground rule] {n.} 1. A rule in sports that is made especially forthe grounds or place where a game is played. — Usually used in theplural. There was such a big crowd at the baseball game, that theground rules of the field were changed in case a ball went into thecrowd. 2. A rule, usually ... Читать далее...
13. SAT score decayAs we all know SAT scores have been on the decline for years. The following may be the reason why. A math problem in the 60’s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four-fifths of this price. What is his profit? A math problem in the 70’s A ... Читать далее...
14. Outsourcing OperationsBonnie: I wanted us to meet today to talk about ways to reduce our Overhead. One suggestion is for us to Outsource some of our operations. I’d like to hear what you think are the Pros and cons of doing that. Jean-Luc: I think that, In principle, it’s a good idea. It would save us ... Читать далее...
15. Chem one-liners 01Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. — Mike Adams Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate! There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine ... Читать далее...
16. Business one-liners 02A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. — Milton Berle A committee is twelve men doing the work of one. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. — Abba Eban A conservative is ... Читать далее...
17. Irish mathThere’s these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what’s the matter. 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that’s easy, it’s 147. 1st Irishman: No no no, that ... Читать далее...
18. Chem one-liners 02Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration. «A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.» Isaac Asimov said that if you want to ... Читать далее...
19. Business one-liners 01A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. A bird in the bush usually ... Читать далее...
20. Chem one-liners 04Q: What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? A: Methylated Spirits! Q: How many atoms in a guacamole? A:Avocado’s number. Q: What do chemists use to make guacomole? A: Avogadros. Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry. These were printed on bumper stickers and given out at an American Chemical Society meeting 10 or 12 years ago: ... Читать далее...
21. Chem one-liners 03Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down? What’s the formula for water? — H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? — H-two-O-CUBED Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2? A: Oxymoron The best chemists would ... Читать далее...
22. New University PromosIt was clear that one day the Ivy League would grow desperate. The the average tuition (per year) for each institution is outta site and they just aren’t getting enough applicants. I understand that in a rash, unprecedented move, some colleges are taking out advertising in the middle of ‘Sesame Street’ episodes, to differentiate themselves ... Читать далее...
23. How to Hunt Elephants — Math styleMathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
24. Значение идиомы draw a parallel[draw a parallel] {v. phr.} To make a comparison. It is easy to draw a parallel between the characters of Saint Francis of Assisi and Great Saint Theresa of Aquila, but this doesn’t mean that all saints are alike....
25. Значение идиомы parallel bars[parallel bars] {n.} Two horizontal bars the same distance apart, that are a few feet above the floor of a gymnasium. The boysexercised on the parallel bars in the gym....
26. Значение идиомы blow one’s lines[blow one’s lines] or [fluff one’s lines] {v. phr.}, {informal} To forget the words you are supposed to speak while acting in a play. The noise backstage scared Mary and she blew her lines....
27. Two drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamentingTwo drunks sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way thru a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. One drunk says he sure wishes that sheep were Marilyn Monroe. The other says, «I just ... Читать далее...
28. A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part ofA roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there. REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I’m from the BBC and I’m gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish ... Читать далее...
29. Are You About to Employ a Robot?This test was written by ME, Roger Carasso, for the UCB Psychology Department. It is intended to be used by companies that are recruiting on campus. With this test you can determine whether an applicant you are interviewing is a Robot, a Vulcan/Math MAjor, or a Liberal Arts major. Tear off here, and administer test ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы wolf in sheep’s clothing[wolf in sheep’s clothing] {n. phr.} A person who pretends to begood but really is bad. Mrs. Martin trusted the lawyer until sherealized that he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Mr. Black wasfooled by the salesman’s manners until he showed that he was really awolf in sheep’s clothing by selling Mr. Black a car ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы read between the lines[read between the lines] {v. phr.} To understand all of a writer’smeaning by guessing at what he has left unsaid. Some kinds ofpoetry make you read between the lines. A clever foreigncorrespondent can often avoid censorship by careful wording, leavinghis audience to read between the lines....
32. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы call off[call off] {v.} To stop ; quit; cancel. When the ice became soft and sloppy, we had to call off the ice-skating party. The baseball game was called off because of rain....
34. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
35. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheepFarmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, «My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?» The farmer says, «I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы bump into[bump into] {v.}, {informal} To meet without expecting to; happen to meet; come upon by accident. Mary was walking down the street, when she suddenly bumped into Joan. Ed was surprised to bump into John at the football game. Syn.: RUN INTO....
37. Rejecting Newer TechnologyDarlene: Thanks for agreeing to take a look at my computer. It’s been Acting up lately. Chris: Sure, I don’t mind. Is this it? Darlene: Yeah. Chris: How long have you had this computer? It looks like it belongs in the Ice age. Darlene: I admit it’s a little Dated. I must be one of ... Читать далее...
38. WalesWales is a country situated in the West of Britain. St. David is the patron saint of Wales. On 1 st March, St. David’s Day, patriotic Welsh people wear a leek or a daffodil, both symbols of Wales. The population of Wales is about three million. The area of Wales is 20,764 sq. km. Wales ... Читать далее...
39. Process-Oriented GodIf God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism ... Читать далее...
40. New rules for bowlingSupplemental Rules for Bowling If you holler «overs!» before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the «overs». When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the ... Читать далее...