The last words

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1. Little Johnny was in class again Little Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone “Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?” Meg puts up her hand.”The sky is definitely blue.” “Thats not bad, Meg,” says the teacher, “but the sky can be grey or red.” Young Sally tried :”The grass is definitely green.” “Good try […]...
2. Little Johny being literal Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.” Little Jack says: “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.” All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. […]...
3. Little Johnny was late for school Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?” Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.” The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.” Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!”...
4. Everything we need A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, “oh miss, oh […]...
5. Animal stuttering Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says. “Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher. “Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with […]...
6. Little Johnny walks into his primary school Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?” Johnny “I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.” Teacher, “Was he burned very bad?” Johnny, “Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
7. My dog ate my homework “Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but […]...
8. Little Johnny’s mother decided to give Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” […]...
9. Once some boys got together to play poker Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack. All his friends didn’t know how […]...
10. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: “The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.” Timmy: ” I know what it is, it’s an apple.” Teacher: “That’s right, I like the way […]...
11. Mrs. Prussy The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little […]...
12. Where is the French border? “Why do you look so glum today?”, the teacher asked young Johnny. “I didn’t have no breakfast,” Johnny mumbled. “You poor dear,” said the teacher. “Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?” “In bed with my mom. That’s why I didn’t have no breakfast.”...
13. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
14. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
15. Bush fans v. Kerry fans There’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy – Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to […]...
16. A lesson in ebonics A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, […]...
17. Перевод слова chest Chest – грудная клетка, ящик, коробка Перевод слова Medicine chest – домашняя аптечка weak chest – слабые легкие chest case – раненный в грудь He was shot in the Chest. Его уложили выстрелом в грудь. He has a broad Chest. У него широкая грудная клетка. The Chest was bagged up with money. Сундук только что […]...
18. Strict school It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; […]...
19. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
20. Little Johnny had become a real nuisance Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the […]...
21. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?” “The stork brought you to us.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork […]...
22. A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA,” he snorted, “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. “There! I […]...
23. Do the math The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”...
24. Hair on my chest A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. “HA!” he snorted. “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!” On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, “There! I […]...
25. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
26. Asking for Time Off Johnny: I just found out that the manager is letting Neal Take Friday off. I asked him two days ago for Friday off and he Turned me down! Francesca: Neal’s wife is pregnant, so maybe he needs Time off to go with her to a doctor’s visit, or something. Johnny: That’s so Messed up! I […]...
27. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?” Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.” “But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you […]...
28. The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father “Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now […]...
29. The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn’t sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, “Compared to what?” She held up one finger and asked if I […]...
30. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said […]...
31. Lick that Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. “My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!” said young Harry. “Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men… so lick that!” Tommy said. “That’s nothing!” declared little Johnny. “My dad hasn’t wiped his ass […]...
32. In the Sex Ed class the teacher says In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, “All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex.” The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, “Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?” Johnny […]...
33. Famous Quotes One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up […]...
34. Ear Little Johnny was in a spelling bee in class. He had to spell the word and use it in a sentence. The teacher asked him to please spell the word EAR. Little Johnny stood up and proudly said EAR E, A, R. Then to use it in a sentence he pretended to take a big […]...
35. Play on the words “Welcome to Entropy Burgers – may I take your order?” “I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time.” “My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you.” “I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name’s Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I […]...
36. Know your numbers The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. “Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three.” “Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?” “A Jack.”...
37. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
38. Who signed the Declaration of Independence? A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. “Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?” He said, “Damn if I know.” She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, […]...
39. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
40. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...