The fucking lights

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1. Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on, indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served. One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, “Who turned on the fucking lights!” “Oh, no sir,” the nearest flight attendant replied. “Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the ‘fucking […]...
2. Biology Class In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, “If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?” “That’s correct”, responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand […]...
3. Значение идиомы according to one’s own lights [according to one’s own lights] {adv. phr.} In accordance with one’s conscience or inclinations. Citizens should vote according to their own lights....
4. No exit An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]...
5. In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell you are doing?” “Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you […]...
6. Fucking bear Ones there was a wild-wild bear. He went through the wild dark fores an? drank beer, so he was drunk. – People don’t understand me, fucking people… I want to fuck them… i wanna fuck all the mankind! A second latter a wild hunter fucked a wild bear into his ass…...
7. Fucking onion – boy, I need some onion – sorry, mam, we don’t have onion at the moment – I don’t care, I need some onion – but mam, we don’t have onion in the market right now – you don’t understand me, I need some onion – well, mam, lets check your english. How many letters […]...
8. Перевод слова stewardess Stewardess – стюардесса Перевод слова Air stewardess – бортпроводница chief stewardess – старшая стюардесса As such the applicant who is a flight Stewardess can only compare herself to other flight stewardesses. Поэтому истец, которая является стюардессой, может сравнивать себя только с другими стюардессами. First he cheated on me with a Stewardess named Monique. Сначала изменил […]...
9. Перевод идиомы all sweetness and light, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: all sweetness and light Перевод: очень милый, простодушный и готовый помочь; само совершенство Пример: The girl is all sweetness and light after she does something bad. Эта девочка прямо само совершенство после того, как она сделает что-нибудь плохое....
10. Fucking fucking [fAkIN] (471) употребляется как: V– Глагол (иметь сексуальные отношения с кем-либо; в принципе может быть и существительным с тем же значением); a – Прилагательное; adv – Наречие. В последних двух случаях к сексу не имеет никакого отношения. Примечание 1: Здесь, чаще чем где-либо, а именно в 30% случаев, встреч. пропуск конечного (g) с заменой […]...
11. A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, […]...
12. Значение идиомы out of character [out of character] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Not in agreement with aperson’s character or personality; not in the way that a personusually behaves or is expected to behave; not usual; unsuitable;uncharacteristic. Mary is a nice girl. Her fit of temper was out ofcharacter. 2. Not in character; unsuitable for a part or character. It […]...
13. There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane. At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess collecting tickets. When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and exposed himself. The stewardess said, “I’m sorry sir. You have to show your ticket here, not […]...
14. Перевод слова male Male – мужчина, мужской, мужского пола Перевод слова Male voice choir – мужской хор male fern – мужской папоротник male midwife – акушер male pigeon – голубь-самец A Male duck is a drake. Самец утки – это селезень. The Male has a white breast. У самцов грудка белая. Does Christianity promote Male domination over women? […]...
15. How do you tell if you’re making love to a nurse Q: How do you tell if you’re making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess? A: A nurse says: “This won’t hurt a bit.” A schoolteacher says, “We’re going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right.” An airline stewardess says, “Just hold this over your […]...
16. Значение идиомы in character [in character] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. In agreement with aperson’s character or personality; in the way that a person usuallybehaves or is supposed to behave; as usual; characteristic; typical;suitable. John was very rude at the party, and that was not incharacter because he is usually very polite. The way Judycomforted the little girl was […]...
17. Pray hard A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired. “They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, […]...
18. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F. F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E. F.” Out on the highway, he […]...
19. Перевод слова passenger Passenger – пассажир Перевод слова Passenger liner – пассажирский лайнер first-class passenger – пассажир первого класса tourist-class passenger – пассажир туристического класса transit passenger – транзитный пассажир Neither the driver nor the Passengers were hurt. Ни водитель, ни пассажиры не были травмированы. Passengers for the next flight should go to the last gate. Пассажиры, улетающие […]...
20. Значение идиомы turn down [turn down] {v.} 1. To reduce the loudness, brightness, or forceof. The theater lights were turned down. Turn down that radio, will you? The hose was throwing too much water so I turned downthe water a little bit. 2. To refuse to accept; reject. Hisrequest for a raise was turned down. If she offers to […]...
21. Перевод слова breakfast Breakfast – завтрак Перевод слова Full breakfast – полноценный завтрак hurried breakfast – завтрак на бегу nutritious breakfast – питательный завтрак I had pancakes for Breakfast. Я ел блинчики на завтрак. We Breakfast at seven. Мы завтракаем в семь. I had toast for Breakfast. На завтрак у меня был поджаренный хлеб....
22. This man was having problems getting it up to have sex This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his […]...
23. Business Trips Топик Командировки повествует о том, как важно для бизнесменов, совершающих частые деловые поездки, выбрать хороший отель, где предоставляются многочисленные необходимые услуги. Вы узнаете и о том, когда нужно прибыть в аэропорт и как правильно вести себя на борту самолета. Never before in the history of the world have businessmen traveled as much as they do […]...
24. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
25. Learning to Act Richard: It’s 6:30 a. m. on Saturday morning. Why are you Banging those Pots and pans? Elizabeth: I have an Audition coming up and I’m Rehearsing. Richard: By banging pots and pans? Elizabeth: I’m Up for a part as a 1950s housewife. I need to Learn my lines and be prepared To improvise. That’s why […]...
26. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings […]...
27. Qualifying for Heaven Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
28. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
29. Repetitiveness After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride […]...
30. Значение идиомы boyfriend [boyfriend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A male friend or companion. “John and his boyfriends have gone to the ball game,” said his mother. 2. A girl’s steady date, a woman’s favorite man friend; a male lover or sweetheart. Jane’s new boyfriend is a senior in high school. Contrast: GIRLFRIEND....
31. ATM procedures Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to […]...
32. Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he’d left his plane ticket on top of his dresser. He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife […]...
33. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
34. Значение идиомы pinup girl [pinup girl] {v. phr.} An attractive girl whose picture is pinnedor tacked to the wall by an admirer. Some Hollywood actresses areunderstandably very popular pinup girls among male soldiers....
35. Three college roommates – two females and a male Three college roommates – two females and a male – began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. “All right,” one of the girls said, “the first one to speak has to do them.” The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school […]...
36. Granny’s gender A boy and a girl started quarreling after sitting half an hour with the “Animal world” book: -Yes she can! -No she can’t! -Yes she can! -No she can’t! Let’s go and ask granny! -Grandma, can you have children? -Oh no I can’t my dear! -I’ve told u she’s a male!...
37. Two guys are driving through Texas when Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? The trooper says, “You’re in […]...
38. From one of Tom Clancy books From one of Tom Clancy’s books: Commanding officer: “Alright! How about an attitude check???” Crew (In Unison): “I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!” CO: “Now, let’s be more positive…” Crew: “I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!” CO: “OK, How about a negative attitde check…” Crew: “I DON’T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!” CO: “OK, How about a […]...
39. The girl knelt in the confessional and said The girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” “What is it, child?” “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and […]...
40. While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to […]...