The bad news and the good news

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1. Good news Hiram answers the telephone, and it’s an emergency room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on a respirator the rest of her life.” […]...
2. After a bad accident Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had […]...
3. The good and the bad Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we […]...
4. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
5. Giving Bad News and Condolences I was at the hospital at with my friend, Wendy. Her father was in an accident and she was waiting to talk to the doctor. Doctor: Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. How are you holding up? Wendy: Oh, I’m fine. Is there any news? Doctor: Yes. I have examined your father’s Test results and I’m afraid […]...
6. Good news and bad news The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. “Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.” “The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago” “The good news […]...
7. Пословица / поговорка no news is good news – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: no news is good news Перевод: отсутствие вестей – хорошая весть Пример: Although the woman had not heard from her son for several weeks, she believed that no news is good news and she did not worry. Хотя женщина и не получала известий от своего сына несколько недель, она считала, что отсутствие […]...
8. Пословица / поговорка bad news travels fast / bad news has wings – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: bad news travels fast / bad news has wings Перевод: плохая молва на крыльях летит Эквивалент в русском языке: худые вести не лежат на месте Пример: Bad news travels fast and the man heard about the job layoffs a week before the official announcement. Плохая молва на крыльях летит, и мужчина услышал […]...
9. Перевод слова news News – новости, хроника Перевод слова What’s the news? – что нового? here is an interesting piece of news – вот интересная новость latest news – последние известия We heard that item on the late News. Мы услышали об этом в последнем выпуске новостей. That is no News. Это уже всем известно Pass the News […]...
10. Liberal and Conservative News Bill: Why are you reading that Rag? Rachel: I enjoy reading it. I like its News coverage and its Incisive commentaries. Bill: That’s nothing but a Liberal propaganda rag. You can’t believe a thing they Print in there. Rachel: That’s not true. The news stories are Objective and Unbiased. This magazine isn’t like the newspapers […]...
11. A large difference A man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out […]...
12. Bad news and awful news One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads “I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD”. Bill calls the FBI and says “Someone has written “I hope you get impeached” […]...
13. Reading and Watching the News I’m a news Junkie. I like to read two newspapers everyday. I don’t just look at the Headlines. I read most of the stories. I like the Political news, the Business news, the Editorials, and the Entertainment news. The only things I don’t usually read are the Sports pages and the Classifieds. I also try […]...
14. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
15. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks “What’s that mum? ” His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, “That’s where your dad accidentially hit me […]...
16. Some problems A woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it […]...
17. Значение идиомы bad news [bad news] {n.}, {slang} An event, thing, or person which is disagreeable or an unpleasant surprise. What’s the new professor like? – He’s all bad news to me....
18. Moscow News Топик Московские новости рассказывает об истории создания и развития знаменитой газеты “Московские новости” на английском и русском языках, известную каждому изучающему английский язык. Из этой газеты можно узнать обо всем, что происходит в России, Москве, других странах мира. В газете много интересных рубрик и рекламы. “Moscow News” is a national weekly newspaper. The first issue […]...
19. Reporting the News I have always wanted to be a News reporter. When I was about 10 years old, I would write my own news stories and Publish them in my own newspaper. In reality, the newspaper was just a piece of paper on which I’d written my stories and drew my pictures, but it was My first […]...
20. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
21. Перевод сленгового выражения bad news, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: bad news Перевод: что-либо или кто-либо, доставляющий неприятности, трудности, хлопоты Пример: He’s bad news, you shouldn’t hang around with him. От него много неприятностей, не стоит с ним водиться....
22. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
23. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
24. Перевод идиомы break the news (to someone), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: break the news (to someone) Перевод: сообщать кому-либо какие-либо новости, известия Пример: He is planning to break the news about his transfer tomorrow. Он собирается рассказать о своем переводе завтра....
25. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is […]...
26. A perfect choice A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won’t […]...
27. Visiting a Patient in the Hospital George: You’re just In time. There’s only another 20 minutes until the end of Visiting hours. Inez: I got here as soon as I could. How is Uncle Peter? George: They moved him from the Emergency ward to the Intensive care unit. He’s on Life support. Inez: How could this have happened? How could somebody […]...
28. Smuggling Across Borders Christina: What is the Holdup? There are cars Backed up for half a mile. Harry: I bet the Border patrol is looking for Smugglers. Christina: Do you really think so? I wonder if there could be a Drug mule in one of these cars carrying Illegal drugs. Harry: It might be drugs, but it could […]...
29. A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
30. A man is waiting for his wife to give birth A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, […]...
31. A construction worker goes to the doctor and says A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.” The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a […]...
32. Constipation problem Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half – hour in the morning […]...
33. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
34. On their first night to be together On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. […]...
35. The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall while the jet was on a bombing run. The plane crashed into an empty field, creating a huge crater. Serbian search and rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving that NATO is using Albanian […]...
36. Serious desease A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This […]...
37. The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. “Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you.” The woman said, “I’m glad to hear that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown, not Mrs.” “Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have some bad […]...
38. IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Girlfriends, take heed!! There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims […]...
39. The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination. “Mrs. Brown,” he said, “I have some good news for you.” The woman said, “I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,” “Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have bad news for you.”...
40. Passing an exam Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking […]...