Test for being drunk

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1. A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]...
2. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
3. One day Pete was complaining to his friend One day Pete was complaining to his friend “my elbow hurts. I better see a doctor”. His friend said “Don’t do that. There’s a computer in the drug store that can diagnose anything. It’s quicker and cheaper than visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine and it will diagnose your problem […]...
4. There was a drunk man walking down the street turning There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer […]...
5. Cop wants an excuse A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks “I can outrun this guy,” so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway – […]...
6. Перевод слова bleed Bleed – кровоточить, сочиться Перевод слова To bleed to death – умереть от потери крови my heart bleeds – сердце кровью обливается to bleed steam – стравливать пар My heart Bleeds for him. Сердце кровью обливается за него. Your nose is Bleeding. У тебя идет кровь из носа. Our hearts Bleed for you in your […]...
7. The reason for running A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give […]...
8. Getting Mugged Vanessa: Stop thief! Police Officer: What happened? Vanessa: I just got Mugged. That guy stole my Purse, Jewelry, camera – all of my Valuables! Police Officer: Were you wearing Flashy jewelry and carrying an expensive camera? Those are big Enticements for muggers. Vanessa: I didn’t have anything on that was flashy and I was Minding […]...
9. Перевод слова sample Sample – образец, пример, шаблон Перевод слова Free sample – бесплатный образец a sample of grace – образец изящества sample of water – проба воды I tasted a Sample of the new cereal. Я попробовал образец новых хлопьев. We based our analysis on a random Sample of more than 200 people. Наш анализ опирается на […]...
10. Driving school test The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]...
11. Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
12. Перевод слова officer Officer – офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer – помощник должностного лица customs officer – таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer – офицер запаса flying control officer – диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of […]...
13. California Driving Test Answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right […]...
14. The fruit cake recipie You’ll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the […]...
15. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
16. Time for the wedding A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re […]...
17. Chief is at a wedding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said […]...
18. Too much speeding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said […]...
19. Christmas Cookie Ingredients 1 cup water 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup sugar 1 tsp. salt 1 cup brown sugar lemon juice 4 large eggs 1 cup nuts 2 cups dried fruit 1 bottle Absolute vodka Sample the Absolute to check quality. Take a large bowl. Check the Absolute again, to be sure it is of the highest […]...
20. Getting Standard Medical Test Results Judith: I had my Annual physical two weeks ago and I just got a copy of the Lab results, but I can’t figure out what they mean. Steven: Let me take a look. The results of your blood tests are good. Your Cholesterol is within the normal Range, your Glucose levels are fine, your Hormone […]...
21. Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
22. Bad news and awful news One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads “I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD”. Bill calls the FBI and says “Someone has written “I hope you get impeached” […]...
23. Obey the speed limit Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are […]...
24. Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex Nope, no more booze for me […]...
25. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
26. Handling a Traffic Stop I was having a great day until I saw the police car behind me with its loud Siren and lights Flashing. I Pulled off the road and waited for the officer to approach my car. Officer: May I see your Driver’s license, proof of insurance, and Car registration, please? Lindsay: Let me get them out […]...
27. Значение идиомы blood [blood] See: DRAW BLOOD, FLESH AND BLOOD, IN COLD BLOOD, IN ONE’S BLOOD or INTO ONE’S BLOOD, MAKE ONE’S BLOOD BOIL or MAKE THE BLOOD BOIL, NEW BLOOD, OUT OF ONE’S BLOOD, RUN IN THE BLOOD or RUN IN THE FAMILY, SPORTING BLOOD, SWEAT BLOOD, WARM ONE’S BLOOD....
28. He is extremely drunk Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]...
29. Being Arrested by the Police I was walking down the street Minding my own business one evening when I was stopped by a Police officer. After asking me a couple of questions about where I’d been, he told me to put my hands behind my back. He was going To arrest me! He Handcuffed me and gave me the Miranda […]...
30. Military work rules 1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer’s statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We […]...
31. Don’t say this to a cop The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 18. Aren’t you the guy from the villiage people? 17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 […]...
32. There was a man and woman traveling along in their car There was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says “Did you know you were speeding back there.” The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband “What did he say, what did […]...
33. I get so drunk that I imagine things The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?” “A mongoose.” “What for?” “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. […]...
34. Test Yourself: Are You a Neanderthal? As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern man. His descendants are with us even today, passing for full-blooded Homo Sapiens. If you suspect a “touch of the old hand ax” in your ancestry, score yourself on this test: 1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself five points. […]...
35. Fly, baby, fly! A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building… he suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks: “why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?” The blond answers in a very […]...
36. Taking a Standardized Test Dad: It’s time you start preparing for the MCFL Test. Maria: Dad, that’s 12 months away! I don’t need to start looking at Test prep materials right now. Dad: Yes, you do. Like all High-stakes testing, Familiarity with the types of questions you’ll be asked will help you. You need To score well on it […]...
37. Getting a Traffic Ticket I was driving down the street when I saw a Police car behind me. Suddenly, it turned on its Siren. I realized that I was Being pulled over. Officer: Can I see your Driver’s license, Registration, and Proof of insurance? Ray: Sure. Here you are, officer. Officer: Did you know that you were Speeding? You […]...
38. I know you were drunk yesterday A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his […]...
39. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]...
40. Перевод слова sugar Sugar – сахар, подслащивать Перевод слова Sugar cane – сахарный тростник sugar chest – мешок сахарного песка to do without sugar – обходиться без сахара Did you Sugar my coffee? Вы посластили мой кофе? I don’t take Sugar in my coffee. Я не кладу сахар в кофе. Would you pass the Sugar, please? Не могли […]...