Tarzania

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1. Tarzania II What is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? “Look! A herd of plums in the distance” (Jane is colorblind)...
2. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
3. How to Hunt Elephants – VP Style When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
4. Перевод слова herd Herd – стадо, толпа; собирать вместе Перевод слова Herd instinct – стадное чувство a herd of parasites – толпа бездельников a herd of bicyclists – стайка велосипедистов a herd of horses – табун лошадей They Herded the students into the auditorium. Они согнали студентов в актовый зал. The horses were Herded into the corral. Лошадей […]...
5. Значение идиомы ride herd on [ride herd on] {v. phr.} 1. To patrol on horseback around a herd ofanimals to see that none of them wanders away. Two cowboys rodeherd on the cattle being driven to market. 2. {informal} To watchclosely and control; take care of. A special legislative assistantrides herd on the bills the president is anxious to have […]...
6. Перевод слова sunglasses Sunglasses – солнцезащитные очки, темные очки Перевод слова The Sunglasses conceal her eyes. Темные очки скрывали ее глаза. She was wearing Sunglasses and heavy makeup. Она носила темные очки и чрезмерный макияж. You’ll need Sunglasses that will cut out harmful UV rays from the sun. Вам понадобятся темные очки для фильтрации УФ-лучей солнца. Происхождение слова […]...
7. Elephants IX Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book – The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book – Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book – The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant […]...
8. Three religious truths There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters...
9. How to Hunt Elephants – Sales Style Salespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as “desktop elephants.” Sent by Alex...
10. Buffalo analogy A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps […]...
11. Перевод слова distance Distance – расстояние, дистанция Перевод слова Air-line distance – расстояние по прямой free distance – зазор, просвет the station is no distance at all – до станции рукой подать Our oxen scented the water at a Distance. Наш скот издали почуял воду. I heard thunder grumbling in the Distance. Я слышал, как вдалеке грохочет гром. […]...
12. The best book on elephants The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account “The Elephant and the British Empire.” The French submited a text “The Sensuality of the Elephant – a Personal Account.” The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled “An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of […]...
13. Texan’s guide to life Never squat with yer spurs on. There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman; neither one works. Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think. If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Never […]...
14. Значение идиомы keep one’s distance [keep one’s distance] {v. phr.} To be cool toward someone; avoidbeing friendly. Mary did not like her co-worker, Betty, and kepther distance from her. Compare: KEEP ONE AT A DISTANCE....
15. Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. “My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf”, says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time […]...
16. Перевод слова recognize Recognize – узнавать, осознавать, признавать Перевод слова To recognize smb.’s handwriting – узнать чей-л. почерк to recognize danger – сознавать опасность to be recognized – получить, заслужить признание I had to Recognize he was right. Мне пришлось признать, что он прав. I Recognized an old friend in him. В нем я узнал старого друга. We […]...
17. Three calamities Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second […]...
18. Elephants recognize the voices of their enemies African elephants can distinguish human languages, genders and ages associated with danger. Humans are among the very few animals that constitute a threat to elephants. Yet not all people are a danger – and elephants seem to know it. The giants have shown a remarkable ability to use sight and scent to distinguish between African […]...
19. Значение идиомы keep one at a distance [keep one at a distance] or [keep one at arm’s length] {v. phr.} Toavoid company; not become too friendly toward. Mr. Smith is kind to the workers in his store but after work he keeps themat a distance. Betty likes Bill and is trying to be friendly, buthe keeps her at arm’s length. Compare: KEEP […]...
20. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” […]...
21. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
22. Перевод идиомы recognize someone or something for what it / he / she is, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: recognize someone or something for what it / he / she is Перевод: видеть и понимать, что кто-либо или что-либо из себя представляет Пример: Everyone was able to recognize our new principal for what he is. He is a very difficult person to work with. Все понимали, что собой представляет наш новый директор. С […]...
23. Heated passions Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon. While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down the fairway, he collapses on the […]...
24. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
25. Elephants III How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How […]...
26. Looking for a monkey wrench An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem. “Hmmm…muffler’s loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench.” He says. He crawls out from underneath the truck and […]...
27. Cow on Train Tracks A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees […]...
28. Elephants found to understand human pointing without training A study by researchers from the University St Andrews has found that elephants are the only wild animals that can understand human pointing without being trained. In the study, published in Current Biology, the researchers show that a group of 11 captive Zimbabwean elephants, which were used to following vocal instructions but weren’t trained to […]...
29. A man goes to a psychiatrist A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the first picture and asks the man what he sees. “A man and a woman making love in a park,” the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the […]...
30. Значение идиомы fool away [fool away] or [fritter away] {v.}, {informal} To waste foolishly. Paul failed history because he fooled away his time instead ofstudying. The man won a lot of money, but he soon frittered itaway and was poor again....
31. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
32. One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced “Mickey and Minnie Mouse”. As the next couple arrived he announced “Tarzan and Jane” and so on as each guest arrived. […]...
33. Harry and his wife are driving in the country Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, “Cow For Sale…$5000.” He pulls in and says to the farmer, “There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.” The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.” He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees […]...
34. A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. […]...
35. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
36. Persistency Act A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a […]...
37. Punishment in hell A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.” […]...
38. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, “How in the world did this place […]...
39. I trust you that you paid A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer. “Okay,” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.” The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees […]...
40. What is your name Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind […]...