Taking Prescription Drugs

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1. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
2. What kind of a woman«Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?» asked John «Yes, I will.» Paula replied. «Would you do it for one thousand?» he asked. «Well maybe, or maybe I’d do something else for you.» she answered with a wink. «How about a blowjob for $20?» responded John. «Hey! What kind of women do you ... Читать далее...
3. Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and saidMrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said «Please give me a prescription for the Pill.» «I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.» «It relaxes me.» «But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for relaxing,» exclaimed the physician. «I know,» said Mrs Ogden, «but my daughter dates, and every ... Читать далее...
4. Seeing a Circus PerformancePaula: Ta-da! We’re here. This is your big surprise. Roman: We’re going to the Circus? Paula: You Got it in one! It’s going to be great. There’ll be Clowns and Acrobats, Trapeze artists and Lion tamers. Roman: I haven’t been to the circus since I was a kid. Paula: That’s the point. I thought this ... Читать далее...
5. Taking Care of a Willful ChildMrs. Mason: So, how did things go? Carl: Well… Mrs. Mason: What’s the matter? Didn’t you and Jason have a good time while I was away? Carl: It was interesting. He was a little Willful. Mrs. Mason: Yes, he can be a little Strong-willed at times, but if you just do what he wants or ... Читать далее...
6. Having a Wild PartyPaula: Okay, let’s get this party started! Mitch: I really don’t think having a party is such a good idea. We’re supposed to be House-sitting, and I’m sure the Abrams wouldn’t want their house used for a big Blowout. Paula: Ignorance is bliss. They’ll never know. Stop being such a Goody two-shoes and help me ... Читать далее...
7. This man got his prescription for ViagraThis man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, «I’ll be home in an hour.» «Perfect,» she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He ... Читать далее...
8. Expiry dates on some drugs «meaningless» lawsuit chargesHeadache and cold pills and painkillers may be safe well beyond their best before dates class action suit alleges. Three big drug multinationals are bilking billions of dollars from consumers by telling them to throw away still good but expired headache and cold pills, three class action lawsuits allege. The lawsuits target Bayer Healthcare for ... Читать далее...
9. Disposing of Sensitive DocumentsMarcus: All right, let’s get started. These documents won’t Sort themselves. Rebecca: I really don’t think sorting through documents is the best use of my time. Can’t the company find an Intern to do this? Marcus: We have Confidential information in these files and unless we want a Security breach, only people who are Authorized ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова pillPill — таблетка Перевод слова Gilded pill — подслащенная пилюля to be on the pill — принимать противозачаточные таблетки bitter pill to swallow — горькая пилюля, тягостная необходимость headache pill — пилюля от головной боли sugarcoated pill — таблетка, покрытая сладкой оболочкой I took a Pill to relieve my headache. Я принял таблетку, чтобы унять ... Читать далее...
11. Consulting a PharmacistPharmacist: Can I help you? Sanaz: Yes, I had some questions for the Pharmacist. Pharmacist: I’m the pharmacist. How can I help you? Sanaz: Can I fill these Prescriptions here? Pharmacist: Yes, you can. Just give those to the Pharmacy technician and she’ll take care of you. Sanaz: The reason I ask is that I’m ... Читать далее...
12. How To Give Your Cat a Pill1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, «That’s a nice kitty.» Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold ... Читать далее...
13. Being Cautious or Thrill-SeekingPaula: Did you get an invitation to Kip and Sheri’s wedding? Robert: Yeah, I did. I’m still trying To wrap my head around the two of them getting married. Never in my wildest dreams would I put those two together. It Boggles my mind that they’re In the least compatible. Paula: What do you mean? ... Читать далее...
14. Moving in TogetherMy girlfriend and I have been Going out for a year and I thought it was time to have a Heart-to-heart with her. Simon: I have something I want to talk to you about. Can you come over here and sit down for a minute? Paula: Uh oh. Is something wrong? Simon: No, nothing’s wrong. ... Читать далее...
15. Recovering from an Illness or InjuryJulio: Hi, Aunt Louisa, it’s Julio. Paula: …And Paula. I’m on the Extension in the kitchen. Julio: Anyway, we just wanted to call and wish you a Speedy recovery. Get plenty of Bed rest and Take it easy. Avoid Greasy or Spicy foods and drink lots of liquids. You don’t want to become Dehydrated. Paula: ... Читать далее...
16. A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctorA woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with ... Читать далее...
17. A woman came to the psychiatrist worriedA woman came to the psychiatrist worried. «Doctor,» she said, «I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?» «Easy,» said the doctor. «Just take the carpet off the ... Читать далее...
18. A Movie ReviewSally: Did you see the new movie, The McQuillan Story? I’m writing a Movie review for the school paper. Marcus: I went to the Premiere last week. What did you think of it? Sally: I liked it. I thought it was Entertaining, although it wasn’t Groundbreaking, by any means. Marcus: You thought it was entertaining? ... Читать далее...
19. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctorA man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says «Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.» The Doctor says «Why?!? Is she sexually active?» The guy says «Nah, she just lies there like her mother.» Sent by soh...
20. One day there was an indian chief who was constipatedOne day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says «Big Chief, no shit». the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and ... Читать далее...
21. Giving Birth to TwinsJerome: Congratulations! I just heard that you’re Pregnant with Twins. Paula: Thanks. We’re very excited, although I’m a little worried about a Multiple birth. Jerome: I Come from a long line of multiple births. My father is an Identical twin and he had cousins who are Fraternal twins. Paula: I see what you mean. Jerome: ... Читать далее...
22. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors officeA couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, «What can I do for you?» The man said, «Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?» The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, «There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.» And he then charged ... Читать далее...
23. Being Physically StrongTakeshi: What do you want me to do with this Piano? Paula: I want you to move it from the living room to the family room. You’re As strong as an ox and that’s why I called you for help. Takeshi: Lucky me. I don’t think I can move that piano by myself, though. Paula: ... Читать далее...
24. An accountant is having a hard time sleepingAn accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. «Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.» «Have you tried counting sheep?» «That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.»...
25. PneumoniaA man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Читать далее...
26. Alternative MedicineI have been suffering from back pain for years. I’ve tried several treatments Prescribed by my doctor, but nothing has had a Lasting effect. I finally decided to try Alternative medicine. My friend, Amelia, Swore by acupuncture. She said that her knee pain went away after only a few weeks of Therapy. She was Skeptical ... Читать далее...
27. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова prescribePrescribe — предписывать, прописывать Перевод слова To prescribe a diet — прописать диету to prescribe a drug — назначать лекарство to prescribe etiquette — предписывать определенный этикет It is Prescribed by law. Это предписано законом. I’ve been Prescribed painkillers. Мне прописали болеутоляющие средства. Never take medicine which has been Prescribed for somebody else. Никогда не ... Читать далее...
29. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her handA blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, «Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, ... Читать далее...
30. My heart setA certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, «All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and ... Читать далее...
31. Problems with Drugs and Medical DevicesSuzanne: Don’t take that! I’m reading an article in the newspaper about all of the Drugs and Medical devices that have been Recalled in the past year and you wouldn’t believe how long this list is. Abdul: I’m just taking something for my headache. I’m sure this Medicine is fine. Suzanne: Don’t be so sure. ... Читать далее...
32. Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morningTom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went ... Читать далее...
33. Stop being late to workTom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went ... Читать далее...
34. Serious deseaseA distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, «I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This ... Читать далее...
35. Don’t Forget!An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor ... Читать далее...
36. Giving Cats PillsINSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill ... Читать далее...
37. This pill allows you to flyA man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if ... Читать далее...
38. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
39. A fellow decides to take off early from workA fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he ... Читать далее...
40. Taking a Phone MessageI was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. As soon as I walked in the door, though, the phone rang. Paolo: Hello. Evelyn: Hi, Could I speak to Tony? Paolo: He’s not here right now. Can I take a message? Evelyn: Do you know when he’ll be back? Paolo: No, I don’t. Evelyn: ... Читать далее...