Short reindeer jokes

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1. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
2. Short Irish JokesQ: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow ... Читать далее...
3. New FAA inspectionsWith the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and ... Читать далее...
4. Is There a Santa Claus?As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) — I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, ... Читать далее...
5. Short gender jokesA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more ... Читать далее...
6. Funny Jokes about the IrishThe Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. «Name?» «Brendan O’Connor.» «Same as mine. Where are you from?» «County Cork.» «Same as me……» The policeman paused with his pen in the air. «Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the ... Читать далее...
7. The Speed of Time by Age0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going to Albania — by covered wagon. Most common phrase: «Is it Christmas yet?» 10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks actually move backwards just before the bell rings. 20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and ... Читать далее...
8. Offending SomeoneI was telling my friend, Gina, a joke. I began it by saying, “An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into this bar, and…” Suddenly, Gina Grabbed my arm and shook her head. I turned around and our coworker, Colin, was standing right behind me. Eileen: Oh, hi Colin. I didn’t see you standing ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы tail between one’s legs[tail between one’s legs] {n. phr.} State of feeling beaten, ashamed, or very obedient, as after a scolding or a whipping. Thearmy sent the enemy home with their tails between their legs. Theboys on the team had boasted they would win the tournament, but theywent home with their tails between their legs....
10. Перевод слова tailTail — хвост, кончик Перевод слова Tail ski — хвостовая лыжа самолета dog’s tail — собачий хвост the tail wagging the dog — хвост виляет собакой He checked behind. No Tail. Он оглянулся. «Хвоста» не было. The peacock fanned his Tail. Павлин раскрыл веером хвост. The lizard’s Tail can regenerate. Хвост ящерицы может регенерировать....
11. Sick of the HolidaysSigns your sick of the holidays 8. You’ve got red and green bags under your eyes 7. You’re serving reindeer pot pie 6. When you hear, «Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’?,» you scream, «No! I’m not listening!» 5. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers with your air gun 4. You think ... Читать далее...
12. Short Father ChristmasWhat do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? ... Читать далее...
13. I got a great Polish jokeA guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, «Hey, I got this great Polish Joke…» The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: «Before you go telling that joke you better know that I’m Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова sillySilly — глупый, неразумный Перевод слова A silly thing — глупость a silly mistake — нелепая ошибка don’t be silly — не глупи scared silly — одуревший от страха It is a Silly thing to do. Глупо поступать так. That’s the Silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Это самая большая глупость, которую я когда-либо слышал. No, ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова plasticPlastic — пластичный, податливый; пластик, пластмасса Перевод слова Plastic material — пластичный материал plastic nature — податливая натура plastic mind — гибкий, восприимчивый ум Plastic bottles do not biodegrade. Пластиковые бутылки не разлагаются. I hate that Plastic smile of hers. Я ненавижу эту ее пластмассовую улыбку. There never was a man under whose hands language ... Читать далее...
16. California JokesCalifornia: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Dumb California Laws Sunshine ... Читать далее...
17. Some practical jokesSmaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either ... Читать далее...
18. New York JokesNew York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
19. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothelA man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the ... Читать далее...
20. How the creators of Airplane! pulled off one of the funniest jokes we’ve ever heardHoly hell! This is one of the funniest stories we’ve heard in a long time. Ask yourself, «how far are you willing to go for a joke?» Once you’ve determined that, realize that David Zucker is willing to take it even further. First some background. David Zucker and his brother Jerry Zucker are part of ... Читать далее...
21. Clean Jokes about IrelandAn American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight — an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. «You see that, I reckon,» said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. «And now where would you be ... Читать далее...
22. More neighborhood jokesThey had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they ... Читать далее...
23. Japan JokesThe Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for ... Читать далее...
24. Jokes about the Stupid IrishA man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, «Fill it up, will you?». The man says «Sorry — we’re right out of petrol.» So the man considers, and ... Читать далее...
25. Jokes of science 03Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side. Why did the chicken cross the road? Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, «How much for a beer?» The bartender ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы cows tail[cows tail] {n.}, {dialect} A person who is behind others. John was the cow’s tail at the exam. Fred was always the old cow’s tail for football practice....
27. Microsoft ChristmasNORTH POLE (API) — MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of ... Читать далее...
28. Watch out!A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is ... Читать далее...
29. Russia JokesWhat’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
30. Confuse Santa Claus1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask ... Читать далее...
31. German JokesQ: How does a German eat mussels A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* … AUFMACHEN!!! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Q: What’s ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова jokeJoke — шутка, анекдот Перевод слова In joke — в шутку, шутя standing joke — неистощимый объект для шуток blue joke — пошлая шутка a corny joke — старая шутка, шутка «с бородой» It was only a Joke. Это была всего лишь шутка. The Joke was on him. Это он остался в дураках. She loves ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы wear thin[wear thin] {v.} 1. To become thin from use, wearing, or thepassing of time. My old pair of pants has worn thin at the knees. This old dime has worn very thin. 2. To grow less, or lessinteresting; decrease. The joke began to wear thin when you heardit too many times. The teacher’s patience began ... Читать далее...
34. Chicago JokesA man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary ... Читать далее...
35. In case of emergencyA car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming ... Читать далее...
36. One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighborOne afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you look so depressed. She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me…six dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I’m going to have to ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод идиомы in the short run, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: in the short run Перевод: в ближайшее время Пример: In the short run I don’t think that my uncle will make much money with his fast food business. Я не думаю, что мой дядя заработает много денег со своим фаст-фуд предприятием в ближайшее время....
38. Virginia JokesVirginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Virginia: Please don’t confuse us ... Читать далее...
39. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contestThree guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and «splash» they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is ... Читать далее...
40. President Carter’s jokeIn an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story ... Читать далее...