Seminars for a woman

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1. University courses for men and womenWhatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do ... Читать далее...
2. Guinea pig to become father to 400 after breaking into female enclosureRandy escaped his male only enclosure at Hatton Adventure World in Warwick and broke into the female-only area. Staff at Hatton Country World in Warwickshire couldn’t understand why they suddenly had 100 pregnant guinea pigs on their hands — until they released one of the male rodents had managed to escape his enclosure and infiltrate ... Читать далее...
3. In jailThis exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: «I got 12 inches over here you would love to have.» The female response was: «Well, spit it out it isn’t yours.»...
4. Seminars for MenCOURSE 001 Combating Stupidity COURSE 002 You Too Can Do Housework COURSE 003 PMS — Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut COURSE 004 How To Fill An Ice Tray COURSE 005 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas COURSE 006 Wonderful Laundry Techniques (Formerly — Don’t Wash My Silks) COURSE 007 Understanding The ... Читать далее...
5. THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT CONSENT FORMName:______________________________ SOCIAL SECURITY No:____________________ ADDRESS:___________________________ CITY:__________________________________ STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________ HOME PHONE No.:________________________ MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________ OFFICE PHONE No.:______________________ SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Male — Female Female — Female Male — Male All of the Above None of the Above — Please Specify: _____________________ I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT: Salutatory Greeting: _____________________ Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________ Eye-to-Bust ... Читать далее...
6. Britain’s UniversitiesThere are about 90 universities in Britain. They are divided into three types: the old universities, the 19th century universities such as London and Manchester universities, and the new universities. Some years ago there were also polytechnics. After graduating from a polytechnic a student got a degree, but it was not a university degree. 31 ... Читать далее...
7. Two groups of computer experts were set up in order toTwo groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as «HE» because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them ... Читать далее...
8. Pray hardA lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, «Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.» «What do they say?» the priest inquired. «They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?» «That’s obscene!» the priest exclaimed, ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова maleMale — мужчина, мужской, мужского пола Перевод слова Male voice choir — мужской хор male fern — мужской папоротник male midwife — акушер male pigeon — голубь-самец A Male duck is a drake. Самец утки — это селезень. The Male has a white breast. У самцов грудка белая. Does Christianity promote Male domination over women? ... Читать далее...
10. College DormOn the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: «The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.» He continued, «Anybody caught breaking this rule the ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы wear well[wear well] {v.} 1. To continue to be satisfactory, useful, orliked for a long time. My old overcoat has worn very well. Their marriage has worn well. That author wears well. Compare:STAND UP. 2. To carry, accept, or treat properly or well. Grandfather wears his years well. Tommy has won many honors buthe wears them ... Читать далее...
12. God created woman, and she had 3 breastsGod created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He said to the woman, «Is there anything on you that you’d like to change?» She said, «Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?» God snapped his fingers and it was done. She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand, «What am I going ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова statusStatus — статус, положение Перевод слова Her status as a housewife — ее положение домашней хозяйки a rise in status — продвижение по общественной лестнице belligerent status — статус воюющей стороны family status — семейное положение My current Status is unemployed. Мой текущий статус — безработный. This job brings with it a measure of Status. ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы wear the trousers[wear the trousers] or [wear the pants] {v. phr.}, {informal} Tohave a man’s authority; be the boss of a family or household. Mr. Wilson is henpecked by his wife; she wears the trousers in thatfamily. Mrs. Jones talks a lot but Mr. Jones wears the pants intheir house. Compare: RULE THE ROOST....
15. A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty yearsA farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. «No! I’m not doing it anymore!» ... Читать далее...
16. Are computers males or females? TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALEAre computers males or females? You decide. TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE: 5. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment. 4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection. 3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than ... Читать далее...
17. Two male flies are buzzing aroundTwo male flies are buzzing around, cruising for good looking females. One spots a real cutie sitting on a pile of cow shit and dives down toward her. «Pardon me» he asks, turning on his best charm, «…but is this stool taken?»...
18. Fashion in the USA and BritainТопик Мода в США и Британии рассказывает о стилях одежды американцев и англичан. Есть много общего, но есть и различия. Поэтому, если Вы находитесь в Англии или в Америке, присмотритесь, как одеваются в определенных случаях жители страны, и тогда Вы всегда будете чувствовать себя комфортно. Many British people don’t think about clothes very much. In ... Читать далее...
19. Three college roommates — two females and a maleThree college roommates — two females and a male — began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. «All right,» one of the girls said, «the first one to speak has to do them.» The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова responseResponse — ответ, реакция, отклик Перевод слова He made no response — он ничего не ответил in response to your inquiry — в ответ на ваш запрос biological response — биологическая реакция His Response is one of an anger and frustration. Его ответная реакция — это раздражение и разочарование. He got a Response to his ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова staffStaff — персонал, кадры Перевод слова To fill up staff vacancies — комплектовать штат administrative staff — административный персонал coaching staff — команда тренеров Our Staff was at full strength. Наши сотрудники были в полном составе. She joined the Staff as an editor. Она стала работать редактором. The hospital has an excellent nursing Staff. В ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова femaleFemale — женщина, женский; женского пола Перевод слова Female relations — родственницы female patients — пациентки female education — женское образование Female cattle are cows. Женские особи крупного рогатого скота — это коровы. A Female deer is a doe. Самка оленя называется оленихой. The workers were overwhelmingly Female. Среди работников преобладали женщины. Примеры из жизни ... Читать далее...
23. A large differenceA man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, «Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out ... Читать далее...
24. MoustachesThe Albanian language has 27 different words to describe the shape of moustaches. *** Do you think it looks fine to shave your beard and leave only a moustache? It was not men whom God created like that, but dogs and cats. PETER THE GREAT (1672-1725) Moustache Response Units Policemen in the Indian state of ... Читать далее...
25. Work-Related InjuriesDarrelle: I just went to a Seminar about Work-related injuries. I really have to Rethink my Workspace. Kim: Work-related injuries? It’s not like we’re doing Heavy lifting every day. We sit at our desks all day. Darrelle: That’s the problem. Look at how you’re Slouching over your keyboard. Poor Posture can cause a lot of ... Читать далее...
26. A story with a moraleA man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. «Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.» Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. «Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.» Confused, ... Читать далее...
27. An advantage of being with an older womanIf you act immature enough and hang around long enough, an older woman will just mistake you for another one of her children and let you live at her house rent-free. Older women can afford to support you....
28. Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman saysTwo old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, «I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!» «Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive.» «I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?!?» «Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear ... Читать далее...
29. The woman’s secretAt a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. «No woman,» said one man, scornfully, «can keep a secret.» «I don’t know about that,» huffily answered a woman guest. «I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.» «You’ll let it out some day,» the ... Читать далее...
30. What kind of a woman«Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?» asked John «Yes, I will.» Paula replied. «Would you do it for one thousand?» he asked. «Well maybe, or maybe I’d do something else for you.» she answered with a wink. «How about a blowjob for $20?» responded John. «Hey! What kind of women do you ... Читать далее...
31. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminarThe Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. «Well…» said the Engineer, «I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we ... Читать далее...
32. If Scientists Wrote Nursery RhymesHow many can you solve? (Answers below) 1. A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended, sustaining ... Читать далее...
33. The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...
34. Oxford — the University TownThis university town is very beautiful. The oldest university there is Oxford. The first of its colleges was founded in 1249. The university now has thirty-five colleges and about thirteen thousand students, many of them from other countries. There were no women at Oxford until 1878. When the first women’s college Lady Margaret Hall, opened. ... Читать далее...
35. A tough dilemmaBoss, to four of his employees: «I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.» Black Employee: «I’m a protected minority.» Female Employee: «And I’m a woman.» Oldest Employee: «Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.» …To which ... Читать далее...
36. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
37. Differences in Male and Female FriendshipsLauren: Did you see what Stephanie was wearing? She looked like a wet dog! Quentin: Why do women do that? Lauren: Do what? Quentin: Why do women Put other women down? Is it to make themselves feel Superior? Lauren: It was only a joke. I Didn’t mean anything by it. Quentin: Do you really think ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод идиомы wear the pants, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: wear the pants Идиома: wear the pants Перевод: быть хозяином в доме, верховодить в семье Пример: The woman is very strong and is the one who wears the pants in her family Эта женщина очень сильная, и она верховодит в своей семье....
39. A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas tripA tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application. The border official look s over his shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write ‘Twice a week’ into the small space labeled ‘SEX’. The official explains: «No, no, no. That is not what we ... Читать далее...
40. New York JokesNew York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...