SCHEDULE OF A MAN

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1. A WOMANS SCHEDULE A WOMAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don’t have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger […]...
2. A Restaurant Drive-Thru I had a little time between appointments and stopped at a fast food restaurant to get some lunch. The idea was To save time by using the drive-thru, but it didn’t work out that way. Order-taker: Welcome to McDenny’s. May I take your order? Daniel: Yes. I’d like a Cheeseburger, an order of French fries, […]...
3. Burger conversations M. I. T.: “I had a nervous breakdown this weekend.” “Have some fries.” Caltech: “I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend.” “Have some fries.” Yale: “I got mugged on the way to class today.” “Have some fries.” Brown: “I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith.” “Cool! Me too! Have some fries.” Swarthmore: “I […]...
4. Reading a Bus Schedule This was my first visit to McQuillanville. I wanted to avoid driving, so I decided to take the bus around the city. However, I was having some trouble figuring out the Bus schedule. Louisa: Excuse me, could you help me read this bus schedule? Curt: I can try. Where do you want to go? Louisa: […]...
5. “Распорядок дня” (My daily schedule) Our dynamic life is full of different activities, and I believe that it is very helpful when you have a scheduled daily routine because it can save your time. I am a schoolboy at present, so let me tell you some words about my daily schedule. I am not an early bird but as a […]...
6. An effective contraceptive After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called […]...
7. Значение идиомы on schedule [on schedule ] {adv. phr.} As planned or expected; at the righttime. The school bus arrived at school on schedule. The fourseasons arrive on schedule each year. Compare: ON TIME....
8. Перевод слова finish Finish – конец, окончание; заканчивать, завершать Перевод слова To fight to a finish – бороться до конца that was the finish of him – это добило его to finish one’s work – закончить работу to finish in a point – заканчиваться острием We aim to Finish by Friday. Мы намереваемся закончить к пятнице. What time […]...
9. Saintly Naivete I’ve never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back […]...
10. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
11. Перевод идиомы behind schedule, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: behind schedule Перевод: запаздывать; не успевать сделать что-либо по графику, по расписанию, по договоренности Пример: The trains were behind schedule because of the accident early in the morning. Поезда задерживались из-за аварии, которая произошла рано утром....
12. It’s not a big deal, but it feels good A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day […]...
13. Being a Stay-at-Home Dad Gladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from […]...
14. Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the inspection. The first one says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand.” St. Peter says:”You see the bowl of holy water, wash your hand and go in.” The second says:”I have to confess, I held mans penis in both hands.” […]...
15. Polygamy and A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper, “The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony”...
16. A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, “I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?” Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, “Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types […]...
17. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
18. Перевод слова beer Beer – пиво Перевод слова Ginger beer – имбирное пиво to brew beer – варить пиво beer bust – пивное сборище I’d like a Beer now! Мне бы пива сейчас! He drank a jar of Beer. Он выпил банку пива. I’ll have a Beer, please. Мне пива, пожалуйста....
19. Значение идиомы early bird catches the worm [early bird catches the worm] or [early bird gets the worm] Aperson who gets up early in the morning has the best chance ofsucceeding; if you arrive early or are quicker, you get ahead ofothers. – A proverb. When Billy’s father woke him up for school hesaid, “The early bird catches the worm.” Charles began […]...
20. A man went to the police station wishing to speak A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying […]...
21. A man gets home early from work A man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, […]...
22. Family sex TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too […]...
23. Marriage quotes 11 My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one […]...
24. Purchasing a New Bird After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on […]...
25. A henpecked husband A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.” The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now […]...
26. Man v. cat A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He […]...
27. Silent treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and […]...
28. The guide to wife translations The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need […]...
29. Значение идиомы pitch in [pitch in] {v.}, {informal} 1. To begin something with much energy;start work eagerly. Pitch in and we will finish the job as soon aspossible. 2. To give help or money for something; contribute. Everyone must pitch in and work together. We all pitched in aquarter to buy Nancy a present. Syn.: CHIP IN. Compare: FALL […]...
30. Eating Fast Food My friend Julia called me The other day. She wanted to Grab some lunch and asked me if I wanted to go to the local Fast food place down the street. I said sure, even though I knew it wouldn’t be good for me. I Hopped in my car and Swung by to pick her […]...
31. Ordering fast food The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our […]...
32. Do you have an email address? An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so […]...
33. Перевод идиомы ahead of schedule, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: ahead of schedule Перевод: заранее; впереди графика, расписания, плана Пример: We finished our work ahead of schedule. Мы закончили работу быстрее, чем было условлено....
34. Значение идиомы end up [end up] {v.} 1. To come to an end; be ended or finished; stop. How does the story end up? 2. To finally reach or arrive; land. Ihope you don’t end up in jail. 3. {informal} To die, be killed. The gangster ended up in the electric chair. 4. or [finish up]. Toput an end […]...
35. Man and wife at the zoo It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one […]...
36. The homework schedule Here is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes. 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend […]...
37. A man running a little behind schedule arrives A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying […]...
38. Who keeps saying those things A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard […]...
39. Значение идиомы polish off [polish off] {v.}, {informal} 1. To defeat easily. The Dodgerspolished off the Yankees in four straight games in the 1963 WorldSeries. 2. To finish completely; finish doing quickly, often in orderto do something else. The boys were hungry and polished off a bigsteak. Mary polished off her homework early so that she couldwatch TV....
40. Значение идиомы pass upon [pass upon] {v. phr.} To express an opinion about; judge. Georgesaid he wanted his wife to pass up the new house before he decided tobuy it....