Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him

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1. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
2. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
3. Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a specialSaddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief ... Читать далее...
4. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sittingHillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, «I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.» «Well » says Chelsea, «you could throw ... Читать далее...
5. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
6. In light of the latest allegations against President ClintonIn light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: «All the President’s Women.»...
7. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President ClintonJerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied ... Читать далее...
8. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunchBill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, «Are you ready to order?» Clinton replies, «Yes, I’d like a quickie.» «A quickie?!?» the waitress replies. «Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is ... Читать далее...
9. Биография Билла Клинтона на английском языке. Biography of William Clinton / Bill ClintonDuring the administration of William Jefferson Clinton, the U. S. enjoyed more peace and economic well being than at any time in its history. He was the first Democratic president since Franklin D. Roosevelt to win a second term. He could point to the lowest unemployment rate in modern times, the lowest inflation in 30 ... Читать далее...
10. Irishman declares warSaddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says «Hello». The voice at the end of the phone says «Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.» SH smiles to himself, «Come on Paddy», he says, ... Читать далее...
11. THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS. THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN«Members of Congress…People of America….I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven’t been paying attention. The only babes in D. C. I haven’t tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, ... Читать далее...
12. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
13. Clinton is in HeavenPresident Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «It’s me, Bill Clinton». «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and answered, «Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. And I lied, but I didn’t commit ... Читать далее...
14. Punishment in hellA man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, «Well, John has done some bad things in his life and that’s his punishment.» ... Читать далее...
15. Clinton countryA guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, «There’s a horses ass» A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said ... Читать далее...
16. Bill Clinton Statue Committee1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was ... Читать далее...
17. A tourist from the United States of AmericaA tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant in Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the best country in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, «Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in front of the White House in Washington D. C. ... Читать далее...
18. Clinton is vacationingLast summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. ... Читать далее...
19. Bad news and awful newsOne morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side, it had snowed during the night and everything was covered in snow. He looks down and sees something written in urine on the lawn it reads «I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD». Bill calls the FBI and says «Someone has written «I hope you get impeached» ... Читать далее...
20. Bill Clinton’s haircutBefore his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, «How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?» Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him ... Читать далее...
21. Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tellsLittle Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. «Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,» she asks, «will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?» Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says «No, I don’t think ... Читать далее...
22. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly GatesClinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. «Who goes there?» inquired St. Peter. «‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.» «And what do you want?» asked St. Peter. «Lemme in!» replied Clinton. «Soooo,» pondered Peter. «What bad things did you do on earth?» Clinton thought a bit and ... Читать далее...
23. Clinton at the paradeThe May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had ... Читать далее...
24. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
25. Acronyms for ClintonClinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly ... Читать далее...
26. Next US PresidentA redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: «I’d like to become the next President of the United States.» The receptionist: «What are you, an idiot?» Redneck: «Why, is it required?»...
27. News from WashingtonWASHINGTON, DC — Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday. Speaker Newt Gingrich addressed the press at the Capitol this morning. «We feel that with the release of all the documents from the Starr Inquisition, and ... Читать далее...
28. Helping this countryOne night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the ... Читать далее...
29. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
30. Ghosts in a White HouseOne night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. «George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?» Clinton asked. «Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,» advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. «Tom, ... Читать далее...
31. Перевод слова bannerBanner — знамя, флаг, большой заголовок, баннер Перевод слова Banner signal — предупреждающий сигнал to spread a banner — развернуть знамя rich media banner — мультимедийный баннер A big Banner was stretched across the doorway. Большой баннер растянулся поперек двери. The onlookers were shouting, cheering, and waving Banners. Зевак кричали, подбадривали и размахивали знаменами. Примеры ... Читать далее...
32. President precedentDifference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent* … BAD *PRECEDENT: Tipper: «How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?» Al: «Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I’d do it all again.» … BAD *PRESIDENT: Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear — ... Читать далее...
33. Main Vice PresidentTom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, «Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!». «Really?» ... Читать далее...
34. Here is a free puppyThe President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, «Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.» The little girl says, «Thank you, Mr. Clinton. ... Читать далее...
35. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physicalHillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: «How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on ... Читать далее...
36. The first engineer calls out to the otherThe first engineer calls out to the other, «Hey—Nice bike! Where did you get it?» «Well,» replies the other, «I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘you can have ANYTHING you want!'» «Good ... Читать далее...
37. Iraqi vs. AmericanAverage Iraqi Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors Average American Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park Average Iraqi Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation Average American Willing to participate in People’s Choice ... Читать далее...
38. Made in CanadaPresident Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!» the American President cried, «My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!» «Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,» replied the Prime Minister. «I do need your help,» ... Читать далее...
39. Launch the missilesIt’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United ... Читать далее...
40. The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...