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1. The GiftAfter spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection — a baseball bat — to the cash register. «Cash or charge?» the clerk asked. «Cash,» I snapped. ... Читать далее...
2. The Supermarket CheckoutI went to the supermarket to do my weekly shopping. The Cashiers at this market are usually pretty friendly, but this one must have been having a hard day. Cashier: Excuse me, sir, this Lane is for 15 items or less. It looks like you have more than that. Yong: No, actually I have exactly ... Читать далее...
3. The Supermarket CheckoutI went to the supermarket to do my weekly shopping. The Cashiers at this market are usually pretty friendly, but this one must have been having a hard day. Cashier: Excuse me, sir, this Lane is for 15 items or less. It looks like you have more than that. Yong: No, actually I have exactly ... Читать далее...
4. A technical bastardA couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, ... Читать далее...
5. Ways to PayI was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I ... Читать далее...
6. Ways to PayI was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I ... Читать далее...
7. Mega moron awardsMEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put ... Читать далее...
8. Find out about the catThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in ... Читать далее...
9. Problems during flightThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight ... Читать далее...
10. This dog loves peopleThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to ... Читать далее...
11. Two AA batteriesWoman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, «Come this way,» and heads towards the back of the store. «If I could come that way,» she tells the retreating clerk, «I wouldn’t need the batteries.»...
12. Choking a girlfriendThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November 29, 1992 The Ontario Press Council dismissed a complaint filed by Allan Sorensen against the Toronto Sun, which had reported that Sorenson had choked his ex-girlfriend. Sorensen’s complaint was that ... Читать далее...
13. Marines and the policeThe following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles. The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store. At the scene, the cop told the Marines to «cover» him as he approched the store (to police, «cover» means to point your weapons ... Читать далее...
14. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peersA drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some «real» musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says «I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.» The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies «OK, ... Читать далее...
15. Appear on televisionThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Wednesday, October 21, 1992 In July, Danny Fouts and his wife and her sister, in New York City to appear on the «Sally Jessy Raphael» show to discuss their arrest for shoplifting ... Читать далее...
16. Bull free in TokoyoThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Tokyo, Japan: A bull bound for slaughter gave its handlers the slip Wednesday and escaped into Tokyo’s teeming streets. The 1,300-pound bull, shipped in from southern Japan, thundered down the gangplank as ... Читать далее...
17. Set up hidden camerasThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. December 18, 1992 Michael J. Schmidt, 29, set up a hidden video camera at his home near Superior, Wis., because he had been burglarized several times and thought he could catch the ... Читать далее...
18. Main Vice PresidentTom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, «Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!». «Really?» ... Читать далее...
19. Insulting to womenThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, Thailand A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. «We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова cashierCashier — кассир Перевод слова A cashier’s cage — будка кассира fee payment cashier — кассир по гонорарам betting shop cashier — кассир тотализатора The Cashier overcharged me by at least $2.00. Кассир обсчитал меня не меньше чем на два доллара. The Cashier was robbed at gunpoint. Кассира ограбили, угрожая оружием. He realized that he ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова robberRobber — грабитель, разбойник Перевод слова The very type of a robber den — настоящий воровской притон armed robber — вооруженный разбойник highway robber — разбойник с большой дороги The Robber hit him on the head with an iron bar, and he went out. Грабитель огрел его по голове железным прутом, и он вырубился. The ... Читать далее...
22. Annoying phone callsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls from his Alumni Association every three months for about five years, ostensibly checking to see that his records were up to date, and coincidentally asking ... Читать далее...
23. Ordering fast foodThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our ... Читать далее...
24. Beware of drunken bearsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы cash-and-carry[cash-and-carry ] {adj.} Selling things for cash money only and letting the customer carry them home, not having the store deliver them; also sold in this way. This is a cash-and-carry store only. You can save money at a cash-and-carry sale....
26. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
27. Cashing a CheckThe local Branch of my bank is located just a few Blocks from where I live. It’s very convenient, since it has four ATMs open 24/7. Today I had to go in to make a Deposit, but since I wanted to Cash a check as well, I needed to go inside to talk to a ... Читать далее...
28. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
29. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
30. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrotA guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. «This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.» the clerk said. «Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?» «This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.» «And the other?» said the customer. ... Читать далее...
31. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
32. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
33. Man Posing as Walmart Employee Sends Away Cashier, Steals Money From RegisterA man posing as a Walmart employee took over a cash register at a Fairfax County store and stole money after checking out a customer, police say. The man, who was wearing a Walmart employee vest, entered the store in the 13000 block of Fair Lakes Shopping Center in Fairfax, Virginia, at around 4 p. ... Читать далее...
34. Newspaper typing errorThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The following appeared on the back page of one of Australia’s more outrageous computer publications, «Computing Australia», 21st Sept 1987: … Blame it on the computer. An unfriendly computer has been held ... Читать далее...
35. Drinking and drivingThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The «Environmental Engineering News» published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, ... Читать далее...
36. A robber was robbing a houseA robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. «Jesus is watching you!» «who’s there?» The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. «What’s your name,» the robber asked. «Cocodora» said the parrot. «Now, what kind of ... Читать далее...
37. Applying for a PassportClerk: Yes, can I help you? Orlando: I want to get a Passport. Clerk: Have you filled out the Application? Orlando: No, I haven’t. Clerk: Come back when you’ve filled it out. Orlando: Okay, I’ve completed the application. Clerk: Let me see it. You need to fill in your Social Security number here and you ... Читать далее...
38. I saw a pen in a store the other dayI saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettier than most. The clerk said, «It’s made in Germany». I said, «That’s too bad, I can’t use it then». The clerk said, «What’s the matter? You don’t like German pens?» I ... Читать далее...
39. Buying SouvenirsI was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not ... Читать далее...
40. Buying SouvenirsI was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not ... Читать далее...