Perfectly healthy

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1. No symptoms Doctor, the embarrassed man said, “I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore. “Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.” The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. “Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,” the medic said. “Now […]...
2. A husband and wife are on a nudist beach A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the […]...
3. A henpecked husband A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” he said. “Go home and show her you’re the boss.” The husband decided to take the doctor’s advice. He went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife’s face, and growled, “From now […]...
4. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
5. A folk remedy A man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she […]...
6. The wife of an older man is distraught The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, “listen, I don’t do this for […]...
7. An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
8. Gift tombstones A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. The husband decides to give his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: “Here lies my wife…..cold as ever” Later the furious wife bought a return present, a tombstone with the inscription: “Here lies my husband…..stiff at last”...
9. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
10. Love to Death A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments – lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, […]...
11. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
12. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
13. Some of the myths about marriage TOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” The husband says: “WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional […]...
14. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
15. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.” “Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!”...
16. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
17. While in prison OJ had another prisoner join him in his cell While in prison O. J. had another prisoner join him in his cell. This person was 8′ tall and 670 lbs. of solid muscle. He asked O. J. if he wanted to be the husband or the wife. Now O. J. not being stupid started reasoning in his mind “OK if I say I’m going […]...
18. Being hurt A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. […]...
19. There was a young man in the Air Force There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well – endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, “We’ll just take a big hunk off the end.” They discussed it […]...
20. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
21. This man was having problems getting it up to have sex This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his […]...
22. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
23. A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room naked. Wife yells, “help, help, I am having a heart attack”, the husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run […]...
24. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
25. Здоровый образ жизни/ A Healthy Lifestyle На английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Healthy Lifestyle Здоровый образ жизни I consider that man’s health depends on his mode of life. To prevent the diseases it’s necessary to keep some simple regulations: to go in for sports, to eat carefully, to take a rest and to walk frequently in the open air. […]...
26. One day a lady went to the doctors office One day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that “if you give your […]...
27. A man comes to a doctor and A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?” “Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You […]...
28. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, […]...
29. Sport and healthy living guide Топик Спорт и здоровый образ жизни – руководство, рассказывает о важности соблюдения правил поддержания нашего здоровья в хорошем состоянии. Недаром говорится, что здоровье – “превыше всего” и каждый человек в ответе за собственное здоровье. Среди основных правил здорового образа жизни: регулярные физические упражнения, умеренность в еде и питье, разумное чередование труда и отдыха, хороший сон, […]...
30. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
31. One day a housewife was going about the usual business One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate. She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she […]...
32. Obamacare The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello?” “Mrs. Sanders, please.” “Speaking.” “Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your […]...
33. Different Treatments A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, “Yes, I am happy […]...
34. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
35. A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
36. Merryied talk A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever’.” “Yeah,” she replies, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone reads: ‘Here Lies My Husband – […]...
37. Saving the situation After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
38. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
39. Marriage counseling A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He continued, “She communicates well and […]...
40. Perfectly good eyesight Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?”. The second guy says, “Sure! I see […]...