One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party

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1. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed […]...
2. There was a costume party at a mental hospital There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was “war”. The first person comes up onto the stage and says, “I’m an atomic bomb.” He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, “I’m a hydrogen bomb.” Again, there’s applause and he steps down. […]...
3. New Year’s Party I walked into the office and saw Rob with his Head down on his desk. I Tapped him on the shoulder. Christy: You look like you had a good New Year’s. Rob: Yeah, too good. I’m trying To catch up on sleep. Christy: Oh yeah? What did you do? Rob: I went to a New […]...
4. At a dinner party, one of the guests At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the […]...
5. A Bachelor Party My best friend, Saul, is getting married. As the Best man, it was up to me to plan a Bachelor party he’d never forget. All of the Groomsmen were Chipping in, so we Went all out. I invited everybody over to my apartment. Instead of going to a Strip club, we hired a Stripper. Before […]...
6. Перевод слова announce Announce – объявлять, сообщать Перевод слова To announce an engagement – объявлять о помолвке to announce a competition – объявлять конкурс to announce smb.’s arrival – извещать о чьем-л. прибытии We’ll Announce the winners next Sunday. Мы объявим победителей в следующее воскресенье. It is my pleasure to Announce that… Имею удовольствие сообщить, что… He Announced […]...
7. Перевод идиомы year after year, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: year after year Перевод: много лет, год за годом Пример: We went to the lake year after year until we finally got tired of it. Мы из года в год ходили на озеро, пока, наконец, нам это не надоело....
8. Перевод идиомы year in, year out, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: year in, year out Перевод: год за годом, из года в год, много лет подряд, постоянно, всегда Пример: Year in and year out the city had to spend money to fix the old stadium. Из года в год городу приходится тратить деньги на ремонт этого старого стадиона....
9. Millennia Year Application Software System This memo is to announce the development of a new firm-wide software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which […]...
10. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read’s: Dear Wife (that’s what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the […]...
11. Giving Birth in a Hospital It was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, […]...
12. A Family Party I visit my Hometown about once a year. This year, I was In town for about five days and there was a family Get-together. It wasn’t a Family reunion since it was just my Immediate family, but still, there were a total of about 45 people who Showed up. Our family parties are always held […]...
13. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
14. Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night. Jake says, “Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted […]...
15. The Australian liberal party announced today The Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
16. Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________ Address (where you live): Mother’s name(list also relation, i. e., sister):__________________ Birthdate(yours):____________________ Father’s name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________ Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( ) Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( […]...
17. Giving Compliments A friend from work, Nia, Asked a few of us over to her apartment to watch the game this Sunday and I was really nervous. I’ve always liked Nia and I was hoping we could Be more than friends. My brother, Charlie, said that if I really liked her, I should be sure to give […]...
18. When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris When I stopped the bus to pick up little five year old Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your grandmother?” I asked Chris when he boarded. “Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.” “How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?” […]...
19. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
20. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?” The old man […]...
21. 74-year-old attacks cars that run light A retired teacher has become an Internet sensation after he lobbed dozens of bricks at cars that ran a red light at an intersection in Lanzhou, Gansu province. “I just want to catch people’s attention and tell the drivers to think of pedestrians,” the 74-year-old man told Lanzhou Morning Post on Saturday. Many residents in […]...
22. Перевод слова guest Guest – гость, принимать гостей Перевод слова Be my guest! – будьте моим гостем! paying guest – жилец частного пансиона he was royally guested – его принимали по-королевски The Guest asked for the manager. Гость попросил позвать управляющего. Our Guest seems to become a fixture. Кажется наш гость собрался у нас поселиться. The Guest list […]...
23. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
24. A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each […]...
25. Go to the hospital Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The nurse returned in a […]...
26. After the party, as the couple was driving home After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?” The flattered husband said, “No, dear they haven’t.” The wife yells, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”...
27. Значение идиомы year-round [year-round] or [year-around] {adj.} Usable, effective, oroperating all the year. Colorado is a year-round resort; there isfishing in the summer and skiing in the winter....
28. The wedding is offno on! All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride’s father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. “The weddin’s off,” he shouted, “Everybody bugger off!” Dismayed and […]...
29. A-japanese-ww2-pilot-presents-his-family-s-400-year-old-sword As most of us are aware, America’s predominant involvement in World War II occurred outside of its borders. While American troops were sent to the front lines of battle torn Europe, and fighting raged in the Pacific, the continental United States was almost entirely untouched. However, a little known attack (that later became known as […]...
30. Перевод слова year Year – год; возраст, годы Перевод слова Fiscal year – бюджетный год calendar year – календарный год to die full of years – умереть в расцвете лет he is twenty years old – ему двадцать лет He looks young for his Years. Он молодо выглядит для своих лет. It’s Years since we last met. Мы […]...
31. Значение идиомы hen party [hen party] {n. phr.}, {informal} A party to which only women orgirls are invited. The sorority gave a hen party for its members. Contrast: STAG PARTY. See: GO STAG....
32. I am called a Princess The United Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that […]...
33. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
34. Значение идиомы be my guest [be my guest] {v. phr.} Feel free to use what I have; help yourself. When Suzie asked if she could borrow John’s bicycle, John said, “Be my guest.”...
35. Значение идиомы leap year [leap year] {n.} Every fourth year during which the month ofFebruary contains 29 rather than 28 days. During a leap year onemust wait a day longer for one’s February pay check....
36. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
37. Wooden back houses This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law. First, a little background: He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the St-Laurent river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house in what we call in good ol’ french canadian ‘becosse’, from ‘back house’ I think. […]...
38. The History of Halloween – История Хэллоуина On October 31st, the eve of All Saints Day or just Halloween is celebrated. The tradition of Halloween began in the fifth century B. C. by the Irish Celts, who organized their year according to the agricultural calendar and marked the transition from one year to the next on October 31. The Celts, ancient inhabitants […]...
39. A Birthday Party My sister called me at the Last minute to help her with my nephew’s birthday party. She was feeling really sick and couldn’t get out of bed. I’d never given a children’s party before, but how hard could it be? Well, I found out. First, I had to go to the Party supply store To […]...
40. A blond at a party was telling her friend A blond at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life. “They lie, they cheat and they’re just no good. From now on when I want sex, I’m going to use my vibrator” “So, what when the batteries run out?” asked her friend “I’ll just fake an orgasm like always.”...