One doc operated on a person for a hernia

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1. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
2. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogueA priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова nurseNurse — медсестра, нянька, сиделка; ухаживать Перевод слова To nurse a fire — поддерживать огонь maternity nurse — акушерка mental nurse — сиделка в психиатрической лечебнице nurse’s area — пост медсестры The Nurse gave the patient an enema. Медсестра поставила больному клизму. He’s been Nursing an elderly relative. Он присматривает за престарелым родственником. I’m training ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова personPerson — человек, личность Перевод слова Concerned person — заинтересованное лицо conversant with a person — хорошо знакомый с человеком a person of great abilities — человек с большими способностями He’s a very quiet Person. Он очень спокойный человек. Ask any Person you meet. Спросите любого, кого встретите. You have to sign for it in ... Читать далее...
5. A stuttering problemA man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this ... Читать далее...
6. MY TWO DELICATE OPERATIONSHumor story by Larry Graves Website: http://www. gravetimes. com MY TWO «DELICATE» OPERATIONS A few years ago, I had two operations in the space of a couple of Months. These were not major operations. Although for most men, I Believe they would prefer triple heart bypass surgery instead… No man Alive has ever looked forward ... Читать далее...
7. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
8. IBM Memo about Peripheral ReplacementIBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather funny. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. ... Читать далее...
9. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы in person[in person] also [in the flesh] {adv. phr.} Yourself; personally. A TV actor appeared in person today in school. The governorcannot march in the parade in person today, but his wife wilt march. Compare: FACE-TO-FACE. Contrast: INSTEAD OF....
11. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова operationOperation — операция; действие, работа, функционирование Перевод слова To bear an operation satisfactorily — удовлетворительно перенести операцию to conduct welding operation — вести сварку operation from a distance — действие на расстоянии The Operation was of no effect. Операция не принесла успеха. The Operation of the pump is very simple. Этот насос очень прост в ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод идиомы in person, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: in person Перевод: лично, собственной персоной Пример: I had to go to the bank and sign the papers in person. Мне пришлось пойти в банк и подписать документы лично....
14. Перевод идиомы a new person, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: a new person Перевод: человек, который сильно изменился в лучшую сторону Пример: He is a new person now that he has quit smoking and drinking. После того, как он бросил пить и курить, он словно стал другим человеком....
15. Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine?Does the person that you want to get even with drink red wine? If so, have I got one for you! Get yourself some Neutral Red, a water soluble, crystalline red dye. Mix some into the persons wine and wait for them to take a leak. (Nuetral Red comes out as red as it goes ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод идиомы feel like a new person, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: feel like a new person Перевод: чувствовать себя совершенно другим человеком, чувствовать себя освеженным, обновленным Пример: I felt like a new person after I had a shower. После душа я чувствовал себя очень свежо и легко....
17. Перевод слова patientPatient — пациент Перевод слова Refer a patient to a specialist — направить больного к специалисту chronic patient — человек, страдающий хроническим заболеванием acute patient — больной в тяжелом состоянии The Patient made a quick recovery. Пациент быстро выздоравливал. The Patient cannot walk yet. Пациент пока что не может ходить. The Patient was attended by ... Читать далее...
18. ProctologistsOf all the professions we fear, one stands out. No, it’s not «mortician;» by then it’s too late. This is a word that makes a certain part of our anatomy pucker in anticipation. Yes, the word is «proctologist;» the dreaded p-word! The mere mention of the word strikes terror deep inside most of us. 9 ... Читать далее...
19. Выдающийся человек/ Outstanding PersonНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Outstanding Person Выдающийся человек I think, every person naturally has some talent, but not everybody can become outstanding. Outstanding person is that who made something superior, excellent, better than others or broke through. When I hear the combination “outstanding person”, the Steve Jobs portray, the American creator of ... Читать далее...
20. Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctorThree nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, «I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn’t hear. The second nurse said, «Well, I did worse ... Читать далее...
21. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
22. Человек, которым я восхищаюсь/ The Person I AdmireНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык The Person I Admire Человек, которым я восхищаюсь When I think of someone special, who I could look up to, my grandfather comes to my mind. There are, of course, many prominent people, that are worth admiring. Many teenagers are fans of some rock singers, famous actors, but ... Читать далее...
23. Serious deseaseA distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, «I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This ... Читать далее...
24. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
25. Успешный человек/ A Successful PersonНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Successful Person Успешный человек What makes a person successful is a question that worries many people. In my opinion different people understand the notion of “success” differently. For some it’s having a lot of money, posh possessions, mansions and expensive cars. For others it’s a small house ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова effectiveEffective — результативный, эффективный, успешный Перевод слова Effective co-operation — плодотворное сотрудничество effective measures — действенные меры the first effective shot — первый результативный выстрел The operation was Effective. Операция прошла успешно. One of the greatest and most Effective balls is the «bean ball». Один из самых эффектных ударов — это удар головой. The painting ... Читать далее...
27. A Trip to the LibraryI read in the Local paper that a new public library had just opened two weeks ago in my neighborhood. I wanted to Check it out. But first, I called the library to check the Hours of operation. The Librarian told me that they were open Monday through Saturday from 10 to 6 so I ... Читать далее...
28. Description of a person and a place — Описание человека и местаI’d like to tell you about my friend Andrey and his flat. Andrey is fourteen. He lives with his parents not far from our school. Andrey has a lot of hobbies: he likes to play the computer, to read detective stories, to collect matchboxes. He has large collection of them. He likes animals, especially cats. ... Читать далее...
29. Dear Darling Son and That Person You MarriedDear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I ... Читать далее...
30. A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating centerA hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin....
31. A young man asks his fatherA young man asks his father, «Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?» The father, surprised, answers: «Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы open up[open up] {v.} 1. To show for the first time; make clear; reveal. The story of Helen Keller’s life opened up a whole new world toMary. Einstein’s theories opened up a whole new area for study. 2. To make available; present an opportunity; offer. The buildingof the railroad opened up new lands to the pioneers. ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы base on balls[base on balls] {n.} First base given to a baseball batter who is pitched four balls outside of the strike zone. He was a good judge of pitchers and often received bases on balls....
34. Вещи, которые делают человека образованным/ The things which make a person educatedНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык The things which make a person educated Вещи, которые делают человека образованным Needless to say that there are a lot of things which make a person educated. I think it necessary that I should tell you about great role of school which primarily participates in educational process. School ... Читать далее...
35. A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor surgeryA beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a ... Читать далее...
36. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
37. The good and the badPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we ... Читать далее...
38. Giving Birth in a HospitalIt was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, ... Читать далее...
39. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
40. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...