One doc operated on a person for a hernia

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1. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
2. Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient […]...
3. New person in prison A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, “Look at me. I’m old and worn out. You’d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the […]...
4. Значение идиомы scratch one’s back [scratch one’s back] {v. phr.}, {informal} To do something kind andhelpful for someone or to flatter him in the hope that he will dosomething for you. Usually used in the expression “You scratch my backand I’ll scratch yours.” Mary asked Jean to introduce her to herbrother. Jean said, “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch […]...
5. A stuttering problem A man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this […]...
6. Перевод слова patient Patient – пациент Перевод слова Refer a patient to a specialist – направить больного к специалисту chronic patient – человек, страдающий хроническим заболеванием acute patient – больной в тяжелом состоянии The Patient made a quick recovery. Пациент быстро выздоравливал. The Patient cannot walk yet. Пациент пока что не может ходить. The Patient was attended by […]...
7. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out […]...
8. Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much better since his operation, but couldn’t account for the enormous bump on the back of his head. “Oh, that,” chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. “Just before your operation they suddenly ran out of ether!”...
9. It finally dawned “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone […]...
10. Значение идиомы from scratch [from scratch] {adv. phr.}, {informal} With no help from anythingdone before; from the beginning; from nothing. Dick built a radiofrom scratch. In sewing class, Mary already knew how to sew alittle, but Jane had to start from scratch. Compare: FROM THE GROUNDUP....
11. Broken leg “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d […]...
12. An elderly patient needed a heart transplant An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd […]...
13. Перевод слова operation Operation – операция; действие, работа, функционирование Перевод слова To bear an operation satisfactorily – удовлетворительно перенести операцию to conduct welding operation – вести сварку operation from a distance – действие на расстоянии The Operation was of no effect. Операция не принесла успеха. The Operation of the pump is very simple. Этот насос очень прост в […]...
14. A really bad, terrible mistake Fred goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, I want to be castrated.” Doc says, “Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation.” Fred: “Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a little embarrassed about talking […]...
15. Passing an exam Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking […]...
16. IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather funny. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. […]...
17. Balls Once man came to doctor and said to him that his balls don’t work. doctor implanted to him one iron and one wooden ball. in some years they meet in the street and doctor asked him. ooo how are your balls working? the man: they work perfectly. I have 2 boys-one’s name is Robocob and […]...
18. Missing person Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is […]...
19. Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I […]...
20. HEGS The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S “What’s that?”, the patient asks. “It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.” The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, “We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.” “Why only pancackes?”, […]...
21. Перевод слова effective Effective – результативный, эффективный, успешный Перевод слова Effective co-operation – плодотворное сотрудничество effective measures – действенные меры the first effective shot – первый результативный выстрел The operation was Effective. Операция прошла успешно. One of the greatest and most Effective balls is the “bean ball”. Один из самых эффектных ударов – это удар головой. The painting […]...
22. Значение идиомы scratch around for [scratch around for] {v. phr.} To search randomly for something. If you scratch around for a more reliable used car, maybe you’ll feelmore confident on the road....
23. Значение идиомы cool down [cool down] or [cool off] {v.} To lose or cause to lose the heat of any deep feeling ; make or become calm, cooled or indifferent; lose interest. A heated argument can be settled better if both sides cool down first. John was deeply in love with Sally before he left for college, but he […]...
24. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?” The Vicar […]...
25. Oprectomy KENMORE HOSPITAL 61 COMMONWEALTH AVE. BOSTON, MA. 02115 DATE:____________ NAME: ADDRESS: Please be advised that your Oprectomy operation is scheduled for _______________, at ___________(a. m.)(p. m.). The purpose of this Extremely delicate operation is to sever the cord that connects Your eyes to your rectum and hopefully get rid of your shitty Outlook on life. […]...
26. Значение идиомы walk of life [walk of life] {n. phr.} Way of living; manner in which peoplelive. Many rich people have yachts; people in their walk of lifecan afford them. The banker did not want his son to marry a girlin a different walk of life. People from every walk of life enjoytelevision. Compare: THE TRACKS....
27. Значение идиомы base on balls [base on balls] {n.} First base given to a baseball batter who is pitched four balls outside of the strike zone. He was a good judge of pitchers and often received bases on balls....
28. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Между журналистом и известным человеком (Between Journalist And Famous Person)” По-английски Перевод на русский Journalist: Good morning, Mr. Star. How are you doing? Журналист: Доброе утро, мистер Стар. Как у вас дела? Eric Star: Good morning. I’m well, thank you. How are you? Эрик Стар: Доброе утро. Все нормально, спасибо. А у вас? Journalist: Fine, thanks. I came to ask you several questions about your […]...
29. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
30. Перевод слова cool Cool – прохладный, свежий; крутой, классный Перевод слова Cool wind – свежий ветер keep cool! – не горячись!, успокойся! you look real cool in that new dress – ты круто выглядишь в этом новом платье We were in the Cool shadow of the mountain. Мы находились в прохладной тени горы. Cool before drinking. Охладить перед […]...
31. Charged for speeding A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away […]...
32. Значение идиомы life [life] See: BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, BIG AS LIFE, CAT HAS NINELIVES, CHARMED LIFE, COME ALIVE OT COME TO LIFE, FACTS OF LIFE, FORDEAR LIFE, FOR THE LIFE OF ONE, LEAD A DOG’S LIFE, NIGHT LIFE, NOT ONYOUR LIFE OR ONE’S LIFE, TAKE ONE’S LIFE IN ONE’S HANDS, TIME OF ONE’SLIFE, YOU BET or YOU […]...
33. After a bad accident Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had […]...
34. The good and the bad Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we […]...
35. Dating a Possessive Person Eliana: You’re here! I didn’t think you’d be able to come. Matt: Why? I like seeing a movie with my friends As much as the next guy. Eliana: Yeah, but it’s been weeks since we’ve seen you, ever since you started dating Helen. Matt: She doesn’t Own me. She’s a little Possessive, but I Put […]...
36. The following statements were found on patient charts The following statements were found on patient’s charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals including (we’re afraid) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: “The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.” “Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.” “The skin was moist […]...
37. The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote on a method of determining each General’s early retirement bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to […]...
38. A man takes his dog for a walk in the park A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, “Man, I sure wish I could do that.” The dog […]...
39. Description of a person and a place – Описание человека и места I’d like to tell you about my friend Andrey and his flat. Andrey is fourteen. He lives with his parents not far from our school. Andrey has a lot of hobbies: he likes to play the computer, to read detective stories, to collect matchboxes. He has large collection of them. He likes animals, especially cats. […]...
40. Constantly complaining A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth […]...