New son-in-law

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1. A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cabA well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and asked to be taken to LaGuardia. While stuck in the traffic jam, the businessman leaned forward and said, «How’s your spirit of adventure?» «What do you mean?» «Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of flying there just bores ... Читать далее...
2. Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tellsLittle Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. «Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,» she asks, «will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?» Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says «No, I don’t think ... Читать далее...
3. The price is rightA successful businessman flew to Vegas for a weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip air ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of ... Читать далее...
4. Collection 05Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It’s your life — but I wish you’d let us have it. Hey, act your age — senile! I’ve had many cases of love that ... Читать далее...
5. Parking InstructionsI arrived for my meeting at the headquarters of Woon Enterprises and I stopped at the Kiosk to ask for directions. It’s a huge organization and the offices are located on a 30-acre Compound, so it’s very hard To find your way around Without some help. Guard: Good morning. Edyta: Good morning. I’m here for ... Читать далее...
6. Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversationTwo men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, «You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation: A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Lately, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter ... Читать далее...
7. The FishermanOne day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the ... Читать далее...
8. Scheduling a MeetingI needed to Schedule a meeting for the three Departments involved in a new project. I called each one to find a Date that Would work for all three of us. Bruno: So, Nicola, would the Day after tomorrow work for you? Nicola: No, I’ll be Out of the office all day. Could we Do ... Читать далее...
9. Stop redundancyThe Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time. Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be unor confusing. ... Читать далее...
10. Correcting Misunderstandings at WorkI work in our company’s Toledo office and I was meeting with my Counterpart in our Raleigh office. I was trying to explain to her our new proposal to make some changes in the Corporate structure. But, it wasn’t going very well. Rory: So, with the new plan, the managers would Report directly to the ... Читать далее...
11. Irishman declares warSaddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says «Hello». The voice at the end of the phone says «Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.» SH smiles to himself, «Come on Paddy», he says, ... Читать далее...
12. A mother-daughter conversationA mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she’s a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it’s like for her. Mom: So….now that you have started dating, what’s it like getting intimate with ... Читать далее...
13. Pecuniary reasonsA few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, «Does this fellow have any money?» The daughter shook her head sadly. «Oh Daddy! You men are all alike.» sighing deeply, she replied, «That’s exactly what he asked me about you.»...
14. Outsourcing OperationsBonnie: I wanted us to meet today to talk about ways to reduce our Overhead. One suggestion is for us to Outsource some of our operations. I’d like to hear what you think are the Pros and cons of doing that. Jean-Luc: I think that, In principle, it’s a good idea. It would save us ... Читать далее...
15. This businessman was walking down the sidewalkThis businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы stand the gaff[stand the gaff] {v. phr.}, {informal} To stand rough treatment; dowell in spite of great physical or mental hardship. An athlete mustlearn to stand the gaff. No person running for office gets farunless he can stand the gaff. Compare: HOLD OUT 2, STICK OUT 2....
17. Перевод слова successfulSuccessful — успешный, удачный Перевод слова Successful play — пьеса, пользующаяся успехом successful career — удачная карьера successful passers — успешно сдавшие экзамен He is Successful in everything. Ему везет во всем. He made a name as a Successful actor. Он сделал себе имя, прославившись как актер. I was still striving to be Successful. Я ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы box office[box office] {n.}, {informal} 1. The place at movies and theaters where tickets may be purchased just before the performance instead of having ordered them through the telephone or having bought them at a ticket agency. No need to reserve the seats; we can pick them up at the box office. 2. A best-selling movie, ... Читать далее...
19. Welfare officeA young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, «Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, «Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his ... Читать далее...
20. Irish Religion HumorFather Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, «Do you want to go to heaven?» The man said, «I do Father.» The priest said, «Then stand over there against the wall.» Then the priest asked the second man, «Do you want to got to heaven?» «Certainly, Father,» ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова daughterDaughter — дочь; порождение, отпрыск Перевод слова Only daughter — единственная дочь daughter card — плата более низкого уровня daughter company — дочерняя компания Stay away from my Daughter! Держись подальше от моей дочери! Can your Daughter count yet? Ваша дочь уже умеет считать? The United States is a Daughter of Great Britain. Великобритания — ... Читать далее...
22. I Want to be a Businessman — Я хочу быть бизнесменомMy father is working for an international company as a managing director. I have been several times at his office. I like it very much to be there. My father is very busy. He often comes late from work. But I can see that he likes his job. And he always finds the time to ... Читать далее...
23. Being an EntrepreneurI had lunch today with my friend Sam. She recently quit her job with a large company to Strike out on her own. She has always been an Entrepreneur in small ways, but she decided to start her own business. The Start-up she Launched provided technology Consulting services for small — to Medium-sized Companies. At ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод идиомы can’t stand someone or something / can’t stomach someone or something, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: can’t stand someone or something / can’t stomach someone or something Перевод: не выносить кого-либо или что-либо Пример: My uncle cannot stand his daughter’s boyfriend. Мой дядя не выносит молодого человека своей дочери....
25. Play the Office GameHere’s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they’re not looking, pour ... Читать далее...
26. I’ve never understood why women love catsI’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, ... Читать далее...
27. A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he hasA man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, «I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?» Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, «Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы stand on one’s own feet[stand on one’s own feet] or [stand on one’s own two feet] {v. phr.} To depend on yourself; do things yourself; earn your own living;be independent. After his father died, John had to stand on his ownfeet and earn his own living. You should learn to stand on yourown two feet....
29. An unfortunate situationA lovely young Jewish girl was employed by a clothing firm in New York. She and her widowed mother shared the same ambition: marriage to a wealthy man. One day she returned from work, eyes red from crying. As soon as she entered the apartment she called, «MAMA, I’m pregnant! Don’t get excited. The father ... Читать далее...
30. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
31. Перевод слова meetingMeeting — собрание, совещание Перевод слова To fix a time for the meeting — назначить время встречи informal meeting — неофициальная встреча meeting point — место встречи Is the Meeting over yet? Собрание уже закончилось? It was a raucous Meeting. Заседание прошло бурно. The Meeting will be brief. Совещание будет кратким. Происхождение слова meeting Образовано ... Читать далее...
32. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
33. Перевод слова hateHate — ненавидеть, ненависть Перевод слова Steadfast hate — стойкая ненависть to hate hypocrisy — ненавидеть лицемерие hate each other cordially — ненавидеть друг друга лютой ненавистью He Hates his job. Он ненавидит свою работу. I Hate bargaining. Терпеть не могу торговаться. I’d Hate you to go. Я так не хочу, чтобы ты уходил. Интересные ... Читать далее...
34. Working from a Home OfficeAdrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people ... Читать далее...
35. Dealing with Time Changes in SchedulingDanny: Don’t bother looking for next year’s meeting Calendar. I’m still working on it. Tessa: What’s taking so long? Danny: This is my first time scheduling all of the major meetings for this company and I’m getting Thrown off by all of the things I have to Keep in mind. For instance, our Bylaws say ... Читать далее...
36. Talking about CensorshipThe school that my daughter attends is trying to decide whether or not To ban certain books, which some parents think are Inappropriate. The school called a parents meeting To talk over the issue. At the meeting, one woman said: “The books on this list are Obscene! I don’t want my children reading that Filth!” ... Читать далее...
37. Three Chinese daughtersA Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry. «I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest», said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. «I would like to marry a ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод сленгового выражения hate someone’s guts, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: hate someone’s guts Перевод: сильно ненавидеть, нелюбить кого-либо Синоним: hate someone with a passion Пример: I really hate his guts. Я его просто терпеть не могу....
39. Meeting Your Boyfriend’s/Girlfriend’s ParentsRonny: Ready? Judy: Ready as I’ll ever be. Ronny: Try To work up a little Enthusiasm about meeting my parents. Judy: It’s not them I’m worried about. It’s me. What if I don’t Pass muster? Ronny: My parents are going to love you. They’re Open-minded and Nonjudgmental people. They won’t care about anything except that ... Читать далее...
40. Sister Mary burst into the office of the principalSister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. «Father!» she cried, «just WAIT until you hear this!» The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, » Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?» ... Читать далее...