MY TWO DELICATE OPERATIONS

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1. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat […]...
2. Outsourcing Operations Bonnie: I wanted us to meet today to talk about ways to reduce our Overhead. One suggestion is for us to Outsource some of our operations. I’d like to hear what you think are the Pros and cons of doing that. Jean-Luc: I think that, In principle, it’s a good idea. It would save us […]...
3. A stuttering problem A man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this […]...
4. An effective contraceptive After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called […]...
5. Значение идиомы cast down [cast down] {adj.} Discouraged; sad; unhappy. – Used less often than the reverse form, “downcast”. Mary was cast down at the news of her uncle’s death. Charles felt cast down when he lost the race....
6. A really bad, terrible mistake Fred goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, I want to be castrated.” Doc says, “Look, I don’t know what kind of cult you’re into or what your motives are, but I’m not going to do that sort of operation.” Fred: “Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I’m a little embarrassed about talking […]...
7. A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?” The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy […]...
8. Doctor’s compliment A lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: – Madam, you have acute appendicitis. – Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
9. Перевод слова cast Cast – бросать, кидать, метать, отливать Перевод слова To cast a stone – бросить камень to cast ashore – выбрасывать на берег to cast steel – разливать сталь Cast aside your fears. Отбрось свои страхи! The die is Cast. Жребий брошен. She Cast her request in very polite language. Она отклонила ее просьбу в очень […]...
10. Перевод слова operation Operation – операция; действие, работа, функционирование Перевод слова To bear an operation satisfactorily – удовлетворительно перенести операцию to conduct welding operation – вести сварку operation from a distance – действие на расстоянии The Operation was of no effect. Операция не принесла успеха. The Operation of the pump is very simple. Этот насос очень прост в […]...
11. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. “What’s this,” […]...
12. Seeing a Specialist I went to see my doctor because I had a Nagging pain in my leg. After he examined me and ran some Routine tests, he suggested that I go see a Specialist. I made an appointment with Dr. Sloap. Dr. Sloap: Good morning. How are you today? Simon: I’m fine, Dr. Slope. My GP, Dr. […]...
13. Перевод слова pain Pain – боль, страдание Перевод слова It gives me much pain – я от этого очень страдаю chronic pain – постоянная, ноющая боль cutting pain – резкая боль immitigable pain – боль, которую невозможно облегчить He shouted out in Pain. Он громко закричал от боли. How does he stand Pain? Как он переносит боль? His […]...
14. At the doctor’s – У доктора Is there anything more important than health? I don’t think so. “Health is the greatest wealth,” wise people say. You can’t be good at your studies or work well when you are ill. If you have a headache, heartache, toothache, backache, earache or bad pain in the stomach, if you complain of a sore throat […]...
15. Значение идиомы cast up [cast up] {v.}, {literary} 1. To turn or direct upward; raise. The dying missionary cast up his eyes to heaven and prayed. 2. {archaic} To do sums; do a problem in addition; add. Cast up 15, 43, 27, and 18. When John had all the figures, he cast them up....
16. Значение идиомы cast off [cast off] {v.} 1a. or [cast loose] To unfasten; untie; let loose. The captain of the boat cast off the line and we were soon out in open water. 1b. To untie a rope holding a boat or something suggesting a boat. We cast off and set sail at 6 A. M. 2. To knit […]...
17. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office A couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?” The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” And he then charged […]...
18. Перевод слова delicate Delicate – изысканный, тонкий, щекотливый Перевод слова Delicate lace – тонкое кружево delicate equipment – чувствительное оборудование delicate subject – щекотливая тема The matter requires Delicate handling. Дело требует особого подхода. Let us learn then to have a Delicate conscience. Так давайте научим нашу совесть тонко чувствовать. Please don’t joke about such a Delicate subject. […]...
19. Значение идиомы cast about [cast about] also [cast around] {v.}, {literary} 1. To look everywhere; search. The committee was casting about for an experienced teacher to take the retiring principal’s place. 2. To search your mind; try to remember something; try to think of something. The teacher cast about for an easy way to explain the lesson. Jane cast […]...
20. Making a Medical Diagnosis Terrell: Where have you been? Sally: At the hospital, again. My doctor is putting me through another Battery of tests. Terrell: She still hasn’t been able To zero in on the cause of your pain and Make a diagnosis? Sally: No, she hasn’t. Part of the problem is that my Symptoms are Intermittent, and they […]...
21. Значение идиомы on pain of [on pain of] also [under pain of] {prep.}, {formal} At the risk of;under penalty of. The workers went on strike on pain of losingtheir jobs. The rebels had to swear under pain of death never toconfess where their comrades were hiding....
22. Значение идиомы cast out [cast out] {v.}, {formal} To force to go out or away; banish; expel. After the scandal, he was cast out of the best society. Compare: CAST OFF....
23. Значение идиомы give a pain [give a pain] {v. phr.}, {slang} To make disgusted; annoy. Ann’s laziness gives her mother a pain. John’s bad manners givehis teacher a pain. Compare: PAIN IN THE NECK....
24. I have a dream to be a doctor В топике У меня есть мечта – стать врачом, я расскажу о том, почему я хочу получить медицинское образование, стать практикующим врачом и работать в больнице. В нашей семье мой дедушка и моя мама – врачи. Мой дедушка – хирург, он очень внимательно относится к своим пациентам и искренне радуется их выздоровлению. Я его очень […]...
25. A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
26. The Doctor. Our Health Топик Врач. Наше Здоровье доступным языком рассказывает, почему мы обращаемся к доктору. И в каких случаях можно лечиться дома, а когда следует обратиться в скорую помощь. Даже иногда следует посещать стоматолога, в самых критических случаях, конечно)) When we are ill, we call the doctor, and he examines us and diagnoses the illness. When we have […]...
27. A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when […]...
28. Different Treatments A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, “Yes, I am happy […]...
29. The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. “Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you.” The woman said, “I’m glad to hear that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown, not Mrs.” “Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have some bad […]...
30. Appearance: Legs and Feet – Внешность: ноги и ступни At the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. “Hm. Nasty accident,” he said. “What happened?” “A skier smashed into my foot,” explained Bill. “Oh, dear. Very nasty. […]...
31. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, […]...
32. Значение идиомы cast the first stone [cast the first stone] {v. phr.}, {literary} To be the first to blame someone, lead accusers against a wrongdoer. Jesus said that a person who was without sin could cast the first stone. Although Ben saw the girl cheating, he did not want to cast the first stone....
33. This man was having problems getting it up to have sex This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his […]...
34. The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination. “Mrs. Brown,” he said, “I have some good news for you.” The woman said, “I’m glad of that doctor, but I’m Miss Brown,” “Miss Brown,” said the doctor without changing expression, “I have bad news for you.”...
35. Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much better since his operation, but couldn’t account for the enormous bump on the back of his head. “Oh, that,” chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. “Just before your operation they suddenly ran out of ether!”...
36. Немного слов на тему “Медицина” Лекарство – medicine капсула – capsule таблетка – tablet пилюля – pill инъекция – injection мазь – ointment постельный отдых – bed rest хирургия – surgery грелка – heating pad грелка со льдом – de hielo ice pack перевязь, повязка – sling гипс – cast костыль – crutch доктор – doctor медсестра – nurse сыпь […]...
37. Describing Symptoms to a Doctor Dr. van Eyck: Good morning, I’m Dr. van Eyck. I understand that you’re not feeling well. Nico: That’s right, doctor. I’ve had a Stomachache for three days. The pain Comes and goes, but I also have Heartburn and I am feeling Bloated all the time. Dr. van Eyck: Well, let’s take a look. Have you […]...
38. One doc operated on a person for a hernia One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. […]...
39. Alternative Medicine I have been suffering from back pain for years. I’ve tried several treatments Prescribed by my doctor, but nothing has had a Lasting effect. I finally decided to try Alternative medicine. My friend, Amelia, Swore by acupuncture. She said that her knee pain went away after only a few weeks of Therapy. She was Skeptical […]...
40. Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her. “To remove that vibrator,” said the doctor, “I’m going to have to perform a very long and delicate operation.” “I don’t think I can afford that,” said Sally. “Could you just replace the batteries?”...